Thy Beauty
by Subtlynice
Summary: Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty... -The final chapters of New Moon from Edward's perspective. Including Volterra, The Truth and Vote-
1. Death Wish

A/N: This story is dedicated to the lovely **twilighter . cullen**. Thank you for all of your kindness. Here's a fanfic you requested I wrote; it was hard, and took a long time, but I hope it meets your expectations.

There are a few brief references to my other EPOV New Moon fanfics- For Her and The Angel Illusion, but it's not necessary to have read them before this.

My inspiration for this piece comes not only from Stephenie Meyer and my own personal experiences, but also from the great playwright William Shakespeare, whose words, like Stephenie, I have borrowed for a particular passage.

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"_When we shall meet at compt_

_This look of thine will hurl my soul from heaven_

_And fiends will snatch at it."_

-Shakespeare's Othello, Act 5 scene 2

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Death Wish

The sun used to feel pleasantly warm to my skin.

It shone down, baking my cold, dead flesh and highlighting my abnormalities; showering me in diamonds and revealing myself to be the stony killer of my past. It comforted me with it's warm glow, but assured me that I was still the murderer I once sought out to be.

Last year, something infinitely more precious baked my skin. Something much more vital to my existence plagued my thoughts and reminded me of my sins.

_Bella_ was my new sun. She held her own gravitational force, and she bound me to her irrevocably. Facing eternity without the sun would be difficult. But facing an eternity without Bella is unendurable.

Which left me no choice.

_There are eighty-six thousand, four hundred seconds in a day. _

_Isabella Marie Swan died yesterday. The seconds since then have rivalled those of a year._

My death would be nine-hundred and ninety-six seconds away, I told myself, trying to contain my burning thoughts. It seemed too long, but I am a cruel, despicable creature. I deserved this pain.

Bella had always loved my skin in the sun. 'Beautiful,' she'd said. She always made me feel so beautiful. So human.

_Bella._

Human Bella, mortal, beautiful Bella. Bella's pale complexion, her rosy blush, her face, her body, her deep, chocolate brown eyes… her guarded mind, her beautiful smile, her infectious laugh, her forgiving nature, her loves, her vices, her silly, kittenish anger…

Her crushed heart. Her dead, lifeless body.

Dead.

And why?

Because of me. Because of my stupid, thoughtless, callous actions, Bella- _the reason for my existence, Bella_- was dead.

But _why_? Why was the world still spinning? Why were these worthless, stupid humans still smiling? Why was the sun still shining in the sky while my own midnight sun had been ruthlessly snatched away?

How did the universe not cease to exist as her dying breath was uttered?

Tourists swarmed Volterra's streets, just begging to pay the price for the universe's failure. I felt I should crush their skulls for even daring to breathe while Bella's heart had forever stilled.

No. Esme would not want it. Carlisle would not want it.

_Bella would not want it._

No, I would not kill. If Bella loved me at all, it was for the beauty of my kind, not the savagery we exploited. The sunlight would end my pain. I wanted to die loved by her. I would die in sunlight, not savagery.

Not for the first time in my existence- and certainly not for the first time in the last six months –I wished I could cry.

I briefly entertained the idea of my own heaven. Could I cry there, I wondered? Could I hold my Bella- hold her in a tight embrace and make love to her as I had so desired to? Would I feel warm to her skin, would I please her, would I be able to give her at least one tenth of the happiness she deserved? God, I hoped so.

_Please, God. Please._

_Oh God. __Oh God, Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella._

Death was coming now. To heaven or hell, my wishes would be answered; I could feel it. Heaven's gates were closed from my kind, but I would willingly accept death's embrace if it meant I could escape the hell that life had become.

Hell would be heaven to me right now.

_Heaven._

I was going to die. It should not matter if I thought of such painful, unachievable dreams now.

Heaven. I wanted to go there. I wanted to see Bella one last time.

I could imagine it; could almost hear her sweetly soft voice- that of an angel –calling me into her heavenly embrace. Could almost feel the heat of her skin- a heat incomparable to that of even the sun shining through the spring Volterra skies. Could almost smell that indescribable, heady scent- a scent that meant only one thing to me.

Heaven.

I closed my eyes, and the angelic illusion of Bella that had haunted me throughout the past six months was burnt behind my eyelids.

"Edward!" She cried. The Bella in my mind was distraught, furious that I was giving in to the agony I had wallowed in for so long.

_Shh. Don't cry. Please, don't cry. It'll all be over soon._

A deep chime echoed out across the plaza and reverberated underneath my feet. I smiled. _Soon_.

"Edward!" My delusion cried again, her voice clashing with the chime of bells.

It was time. I took a step.

"_Edward_!"

And another.

"Edward!"

_Shh_. I comforted her. My illusion smiled; that perfect smile I had dreamt of during my many sleepless nights, but her screaming wasn't silenced. It wasn't coming from the angelic vision in my mind anymore, but the sound of her cries still bored their way into my head. Was it possible for such guilt and pain to intensify?

This was what I'd done to her. This was what I should die for.

I took a step forward.

"Edward, no!" The illusion begged. I shut myself off from the pain of her cries, forcing myself to hear her voice rather than her words. I listened with rapture to her every syllable. That voice… it sounded clearer than ever. Her sweet, siren call; beckoning me to join her in death. The clock chimed, and I took another step forward, towards the sunlight streaming down upon the city.

My last moments would be shining, just as she always was. _Perhaps she still shines. Perhaps I'll shine with her_…

No. No, I couldn't think such things. Not now. Heaven had no place for a bloodthirsty, vicious killer. I was an animal, nothing more. I'd left her behind to cure her heart of the love she bore for me, but it wasn't enough. In the end, nothing I did to save her was enough. I'd left, and still my love for her had managed to destroy her, like Alice had always predicted it would.

_Alice._

What was she thinking now, I wondered. Was she trying to find a way to stop me? Or was she too overcome by her grief, first for Bella and now for myself? I hoped she wouldn't grieve for us for too long. I hoped Esme wouldn't grieve for me. I hoped Jasper and Emmett could understand why I had to do this. I hoped they wouldn't be angry. I hoped Carlisle could forgive me for taking the coward's way out of this nightmare. I hoped Rosalie could forgive _herself_.

I snorted quietly. Of course Rosalie could forgive herself. She loved herself too much to be even remotely self-loathing.

_Alice, I've made a decision. _

_I choose death._

As if Bella herself could see my path, the angel in my mind was furious with me once more.

"NO!" My illusion screamed. "Edward, look at me!"

_Soon, _I told her._ If you and Carlisle are right after all, I'll see you soon, my love, I promise._

I smiled very slightly. One way or another, it would all be over very soon.

_I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will. Forgive me._

With Bella's lovely, angelic face burnt forever more into the foreground of my mind, I took another step forward. One step, and darkness and fire overtook me.

From behind my eyelids, I could see that the sunlight had been blotted out. Fire burned every inch of my body as my attacker swarmed into me with surprising gentleness. I clung to my death, revelling in the warmth of the flames now licking at my body, and the peaceful end they would bring. The aggressor's arms were surprisingly warm and soft too- like the warmth pressed against my chest and the flames searing in my throat.

My throat…

_Ahhh._

How long had I been numb to my thirst? Now, in my dying moments, my senses swarmed back to me, granting me my one last wish as I tasted the succulent scent of freesia on my tongue. My charred throat felt dry with thirst; my mouth watered with venom, but I remained still. I wanted to savour this all-too-vivid delusion I had been granted.

Soft arms, warm skin and a sweet scent unlike any other I had ever had the fortune to come across. The sweetest fragrance I had ever had the strength to withhold in all my existence. It could only mean one thing.

Bella.

_B__ella._

_Oh, God, Bella._

Was this a mistake? Had God granted me my wish- to see Bella one last time before sinking down into the fiery pits of hell?

I didn't care. I just knew that I would take as much of this moment as I could. Fire was still burning underneath my hands, but it felt different than I had expected. Softer. Gentler.

Very slowly, so as not to dispel the glorious image I knew I would see before me, I opened my eyes.

No longer just an illusion, the girl standing before me was truly angelic. I took in everything about her, as I raked her body with my eyes, before pulling my arms even tighter around her. Still, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the miracle in front of me.

Her hair was blown back by the ferocious wind, and her lips looked chapped and sore. Her cheeks were red and blotchy, smeared with tear tracks glistening wet against her lovely skin. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot. Her head was shaking on her frail shoulders and her thin body was icy wet and heaving against my own, as she clung to me, shivering and gasping in the spring chill.

If it were possible, she looked more exquisite than I'd ever seen her before.

"Amazing," I said, with quiet surprise, "Carlisle was right."

Her succulent mouth opened and closed with quick words from her lips, and I listened in awe to the sound that issued from between them.

There were no tears. There was no heartbeat other than my angel's. I was still hard as a stone, still inescapably drawn to her blood, still unable to hold Bella as tightly as I would have wished to in this moment.

But it was still perfect. Heavenly, in fact.

Because it was us. Bella and I, in our own little bubble. No thoughts, no regrets, no fear. Bella's warm arms were around me once more- heavens gates encasing me in their weak hold. And this time, I readily, greedily accepted them.

When would this moment end? Would I be sent to hell now? Would I be granted just one last moment to kiss her goodbye, first?

Whoever came to collect me, I'd fight them off. I'd spend as much time in Bella's arms as possible before being dragged down from such heights. I'd cling to her with every ounce of my strength. Bella _was_ my strength now.

She gasped in oxygen, and clung to me as if she _wanted_ me to stay; I heard her sweet, melodic heartbeat thumping frantically against my chest and felt every inch of her body aligned perfectly with mine.

Yes, this was definitely heaven. The Volturi had obviously done their job. I was dead. Finally free. The pain of Bella's death was gone, just like I'd hoped it would. And now, with Bella's return, strange, faintly familiar feelings stirred within me. I could feel the venom coursing through my body. I welcomed the anticipation swirling within my body. I hadn't known death would feel so exhilarating. So _alive_.

I stroked her cheek softly with my pale finger, still in awe at the fire burning beneath my hand. Bella's body felt extraordinary- _living_ proof of her beatific presence. This really was my heaven after all. She _should_ be alive. It was the best thing for her. Her body beneath mine was trembling, but so warm. And God forgive me, I _wanted_ her. In this endless moment, my longing for her body far overruled any thirst I once would have had for the blood beating it's way through her veins.

_Tha-thump; tha-thump; tha-thump._

No, I could never even consider taking that from her again. Her blood- once the only scent that could ever hold any power over my instincts –was now just that; a scent. Still just as strong, but it was now overruled by the very real possibility of it dying away. Of _Bella_ dying away.

I struggled for breath I didn't need, sucking in great gasps of her intoxicating flavour. I wanted her now, in this moment more than I had ever wanted her before. Her body and her soul. Surely heaven would grant me this?

But was this heaven? It must be- my wish was granted after all.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing." I noted. There had been no pain in the fire that extinguished my life; only joy at the prospect of Bella's fiery arms greeting me into my afterlife. "They're very good."

I buried my face in her luscious locks of hair and inhaled. _Ahhh_. Strawberries and freesia and the rich wine of her blood. I drank in her scent hungrily. How had I survived six months without _this_? Without holding her, gazing into her deep brown eyes, watching her deceptively readable face screw up into the most absurd expressions… for once, my vampiric memory had failed me. Seeing her here, … no memory I had ever dredged up during the last six months- that dismal, unmentionable time –had ever compared to the real thing.

"Death, that hath suck'd the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty" I breathed.

_Thou art not__ conquer'd; beauty's ensign yet, is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks, and death's pale flag is not advanced there._

Oh, Bella. _Bella_. Thy beauty could not ever fade. Not in life, not even in death. It was not I who was eternal; no. It was Bella who would forever shine, in sunlight and at night.

_Thy beauty, thy body, thy blood._ All were the same, all were just as dangerously delicious as I'd remembered. If it were possible, she outshone my memories. But that was to be expected; after all, she was truly angelic now.

Despite my newfound control over the monster inside me, her blood still sang to me, I noted ironically. As it should. Even still and cold, Bella's blood could not be rivaled by that of another.

"You smell just exactly the same as always," I told Bella with a smile. "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

I sighed and clung to the irrational coursing sensations of absolute bliss as I wrapped my arms even tighter around her fragile form.

How had I ever thought of a future without her? How had I ever conceived the idea of her death; her wasting humanity? Such a lovely creature couldn't _not_ live forever. If ever eternity was made for anyone, it was made for Bella.

Bella herself suddenly interrupted my happy musings with her winged voice.

"I'm not dead," she said, and I paid close attention to the sound of each syllable once more. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away."

_Ahhh_. Such a voice was only fit for an angel, as I had always known.

But… wait. _What…?!_

"What was that?" I asked her, a chill finally breaking through the warmth embedded in my chest.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"

_The Volturi._

Not dead.

Not _yet_.

The Volturi.

As if a light bulb had suddenly been switched on in my mind, every happy, cloudy thought was now ominously clear to me.

Bella was still alive. I was still alive. The Volturi were still very much alive. And _here_.

And with all of us in Volterra, that truth wouldn't hold for much longer.

All of this occurred to me in less than a second. Less than one second had passed before I managed to tear my eyes away from hers, and finally focus on my surroundings. On the streets of chattering children, the continued clanging of the bells above our heads, and the shadowy alley, in which shadowy creatures with wicked thoughts stood watching our warped reunion.

I pulled her away from them before she had time to finish her dooming sentence, and pressed her body back against the wall behind me. Fighting for her, yet again. Protecting her from the evil my love inflicted upon her life.

I whirled around once more to face our foes. From the darkness, two cloaked figures loomed towards us, their dark thoughts excited; their wide grins menacing.

No, this was not heaven. This was Volterra. This was a fortress of death and a city of greed; with a guard of unimaginable power at their side.

And I had led Bella into their clutches.

_This_ was my hell.

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A/N: Because this fanfic is dedicated to Nat, **twilighter . cullen**, I can't not promote her awesomeness: if you're a Spanish speaker, go check out the wonderful job she's done of translating my stories For Her and Timetables! The links are on my profile page. Be sure to review, because she's lovely and deserves lots of reviews and hugs and cakes and rainbows and her very own Edward to drool over.

And speaking of reviews, I wouldn't mind some myself. I'm actually thinking of continuing this one-shot, so if you want more, review and tell me! Also, the first few lines of this story are based around a 100 word drabble I wrote a while ago. I've written quite a few drabbles, and I'm considering posting them here. Again, let me know what you think.


	2. Memory Lane

A/N: Okay, so the general consensus was that if I didn't continue with this, you'd all whack me around the head with your copies of New Moon, or set the Volturi on me… so without further ado, I give you chapter two of Thy Beauty.

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"_So wise so young, they say do never live long."_

–Shakespeare's King Richard III, Act 3 Scene 1

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Memory Lane

If this were heaven, I would be human. In this moment, my heart would be pounding, ears ringing, palms sweating. But then again, if this were heaven, such a dastardly thing would never be happening. There was no Volterra in heaven. No Volturi. Just Bella. Just Edward and Bella, and our family. Safe.

…_Bella's alive, Bella's alive, Bella's alive…Edward, you fool! Don't you dare do this to me! To Bella! Bella's alive, Bella's alive…_

Ahhh, Alice. I'd missed her dulcet tones. What a charming greeting from a sister I hadn't seen in at least four months.

Was it four months? Five perhaps? I hadn't really been keeping track. I'd noticed when Christmas came and went… and I thought my last visit to my family was in January…

It looked like there was another festival to be celebrated now. How strange that I hadn't noticed it before. Now, with all of my senses on the alert for danger, I was picking up on a lot more of my surroundings.

And none of the things I picked up on looked good. Bella was in Volterra. The sun was at its summit in the sky. Two Volturi guards- Felix and Demetri –were walking slowly towards us, the way a lion corners it's prey before moving in for the kill. Alice was also here- but now that I remembered Aro's interest in her earlier, that was another big problem.

Hurriedly, always aware of both the inescapable danger I had put us in, and the inexcusable joy I was reveling in, now that I finally had Bella beside me- Bella, whose body heat was seeping into my back, even standing so many inches behind me –I searched through the minds of everyone in the crowd. There were silly little children, their fussy parents and their elderly grandparents, all intent on celebrating some silly ritual festival that had little fact in its legend. There was Alice, some way off, still searching for a safe route to get to us. Her mind was in turmoil as she awaited my next decision with desperation.

And there were Felix and Demetri, eyes on Bella, minds on their masters. My would-be-killers, I had thought, but it seemed that they were told to kill me only if absolutely necessary. Why would Aro want to prevent my death? He surely couldn't still think I might change my mind? Not after our last meeting.

I couldn't stay there- not with Felix still leering at my Bella. But what to do? Fight or flight? I remembered my thoughts from just a few seconds ago- I'd fight them off. Stay with Bella in heaven for as long as possible.

But this wasn't heaven. And fighting was _im_possible. The Volturi were ruthless- my very reason for choosing to end my life here was seemingly backfiring on me in the worst way possible.

But flight was also impossible in this sunlight. Then again… Bella could flee. Bella could still make it out of this nightmare alive. And if I could manage that, I'd die happily. I'd burn with a smile on my face.

A mixture of the two, then. Flight first, if it were somehow possible. _Then_ fight.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I said calmly, my voice betraying none of the fear I felt with their arrival. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you could send my thanks to your masters."

_I'm on my way. Nearly there._ I heard Alice think, having seen my fight-or-flight decision.

No! I nearly growled in frustration. This was my fight, not hers. The best I could hope for was that Alice wouldn't linger. She would wait for me to let Bella free, and then escape with her as quickly as possible. But I knew I was being unrealistic. If I were in the same position, would I be able to stand watching Alice face the angry Volturi alone?

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix asked me in a voice that hissed all of his unspoken threats. I didn't need to hear them though. I could see, in his mind, what he was implying. Bella, my sweet, fragile Bella, standing frightened and alone in the middle of a tall and dark, circular room with drains built into the floor. Tall robed figures blocked the doorway and the scent of cold, dried blood perfumed the walls.

No. _Damn, no_. Go away. Leave us alone.

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I told him shortly. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

_Your death wasn't our only order, mind reader_. Demetri thought obnoxiously, remembering once more the specific orders Aro had given them. Only attack if necessary…

"Felix only meant to point out the proximity of the sun," he drawled. "Let us seek better cover."

"I'll be right behind you," I replied quickly, not taking my eyes off of the tracker. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

_My only chance. Bella's only chance. Forgive me Bella. I love you, Bella. Forgive me._

"No, bring the girl," Felix leered, thinking once more of her scent, of the tower room in which he would soon be relinquishing his thirst…

"I don't think so," I told him angrily. Bella was alive. Bella would stay alive. I crouched ever so slightly to the left, preparing to spring. My muscles tensed in anticipation. My eyes sought out his jugular vein, the weakest point of the neck, the best place to sever the head from his shoulders…

"No." Bella murmured from behind me.

_Bella. _

"Shh," I whispered, praying that I would hear her speak once again.

"Felix, not now." Demetri warned, fear over my reaction in his tone and his thoughts. I suppose my desperation and rage earlier had given him enough reason to be. Funny, how even as a vampire I was finding it hard to recall my actions over the last twenty-four hours. I had acted like a madman, I knew. The Volturi weren't used to such rudeness coming from a guest in their city. My lack of respect had shocked them.

"Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all." Demetri finished, with another curious glance over my shoulder at Bella.

"Certainly," I quickly replied. "But the girl goes free."

I felt Bella tremble behind me. In fear for me or herself? I selfishly hoped she cared about what would happen to me, too.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Demetri said; his tone regretful, but his thoughts betraying his glee, "We do have rules to obey." _And I could always track her down afterwards…_

I clenched my teeth together.

"Then _I'm_ afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix breathed excitedly.

"Aro will be disappointed." Demetri sighed, his thoughts now redirecting to Felix's preferred plan of action.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I murmured, still not moving from my half-crouch before Bella.

They both began to plot an easy way to attack and still remain unnoticed by the gathering crowds of tourists. I could see how simple it would be in their minds; there were two of them, and one of me. Bella counted for nothing in their visions, just a little treat at the end of their work. We were already half-cornered and it wouldn't take them much to force us further into the alley. Even with my insight to their planned actions I still couldn't find an escape from the future they were to bestow on me. I just hoped I could protect Bella for long enough. If I fought back, it should buy her time, maybe distract my opponents for long enough for her to escape with Alice…

_Alice…_

Alice whose footsteps were now becoming clearer, and whose frightened thoughts were getting closer with each new step. I jerked my head around to see the new arrival to our stand-off, as the two shadowy guards did the same.

_Alice._

In my conflict, I was both overjoyed and dismayed at the sight of her, as she made her way down the alleyway towards us. Overjoyed, because thanks to her appearance, Bella was still alive. Still breathing. Still here.

And dismayed, because I knew that there was a big chance that she wouldn't make it through this day. And now it seemed likely that my favourite sister would die with us.

_It's okay, Edward_, she comforted, taking in my stance; the way I shielded Bella. _If you co-operate, we're safe. For now. They're planning to take you to Aro, though, as I'm sure you've already deciphered._

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" She asked, her voice betraying none of her inner fright. "There are ladies present."

Demetri and Felix glanced at each other. They kept their expressions collected, but their thoughts betrayed them. They were worried about the consequences if they were forced to take action, and anxious as to what gifts their new, unnamed nemesis might possess. Apparently they assumed Carlisle to be something of a collector similar to Aro. And if he had a mind reader, who knew what else he could have collected over his centuries?

I bit back a growl. My _father_ was not like that greedy, power-hungry villain. Not at all. Aro knew nothing of the compassion and love Carlisle had shown me over the years. Aro didn't even have enough compassion in his heart to let me die when I had thought that all was lost. And now, when I had just been given the most beautiful, precious gift of all, the return of meaning to my life, Aro was determined that I should descend once more into the dungeons he occupied with glee.

"We're not alone," Alice reminded Felix and Demetri with a glance at the family to our left. They were watching the exchange curiously, and the father of two girls was considering reporting us for disturbing the peace. I felt a swell of affection for him. In his mind, he was only concerned with making the festivities of St. Marcus' day special for his _bella figlie_.

Demetri noted the husband's exchange with one of the uniformed men. Anxious to get inside, he turned to me again, now with an entreaty in his tone and in his words.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable."

_Yes. Be reasonable. Let Bella go free._

"Lets. And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser." I attempted.

Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

Private- the dark, circular death chamber was clear in _his_ mind now too.

"No."

Felix bent his knees slightly, sizing up his opponents. My stance did not alter in the slightest.

"Enough."

_No. No, please, no. Anyone else. Send anyone else._

But there was no mistaking that high, reedy voice.

It was Jane.

She stood just a few feet away from us, but in my horror and absolute concentration on the thoughts of Felix and Demetri- and Bella's warm body, which I would find extremely distracting under any circumstances –I had not heard her cruel thoughts until she spoke that one word. It was spoken with absurd authority, but not one among us questioned her, much to her smug approval. Alice- although puzzled –was also wisely silent about the exchange of control taking place. She knew better than to openly question the power Jane held over us all. After all, Jane might just take it as an excuse to put on a demonstration… in her own sickening pleasure, she loved to play with her gift.

I relaxed from my tensed fighting position. There was no point now. We were all doomed.

_Bella, I'm sorry._

"Jane," I acknowledged. Alice shifted slightly, folding her arms and staring seemingly bored in Jane's direction, while her mind whirled as she took this new piece of information in. Jane… the torturer. The Volturi's punisher; the executioner. Alice had never seen Jane before, but she'd lived among our kind for long enough to have heard of her. Her thoughts took on a similar despairing tone to mine.

"Follow me," Jane demanded in her sweet, childish monotone. Felix gave the three of us a mocking smile, and waved an arm in Jane's direction. Beckoning me forwards into hell. And of course, I followed. After all, it was where I belonged. I just wished I wasn't leading Bella into hell too.

Alice heeded Felix's gesture, walking after Jane while still cursing me in her mind with an impressive array of swear words. I tuned them out though, and scanned her thoughts for what I really wanted to know: how was Bella still alive?

I pulled Bella herself towards me and hugged her to my side as I stepped in line to match Alice's pace. I still couldn't believe my foolishness- why had I not gone to Forks myself to check, instead of relying on the words of my obviously mistaken sister and an annoyingly harsh young boy? Now, thanks to my idiocy, Bella was in the heart of Volterra, surrounded by danger. It did not matter now that she was alive- because of me, she wouldn't be for much longer.

_Sorry. I'm sorry Bella, I truly am. Forgive me- I've killed us both. I've sentenced us both to death._

At least I was in control of my thirst- _that_ surprised me almost as much as Bella's presence here. Callously, I hadn't fed for a few months- a self-mutilation technique that helped my masochistic heart eat away at my insides –but the thought of drinking Bella's blood now disgusted me. Knowing that the blood pumping through her veins was keeping her alive- and keeping me out of the agony I had been experiencing moments before –I had no desire to stop it.

Still, it was my fault that she was in more danger than she'd ever faced before. Those six months of brutal torture had achieved nothing. She was going to die and it was all my fault. I'd never hated myself more than I did now.

…_and Carlisle and Esme, did you even think about them? Did you think for one second that you could get away with this; that I wouldn't see you and drag you right back? If it weren't for the fact that it would send Bella catatonic again, I'd happily kill you right now, you little…_

Again? Send Bella _catatonic_… again. What did that mean? Alice had obviously gotten over her panic for my life, and was now furious and tactical, but I had to know. The three of us were surrounded, but this would be the only chance I would have.

"Well, Alice," I said, carefully keeping my voice casual. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

She snorted in her head and shouted a few more choice derogatives from our century, but felt a little sorrier for me.

"It was my mistake," she answered, also vying for casualness. "It was my job to set it right."

…_I'm sorry Edward. In defence of Rosalie, we really did think she had died. I'm still finding it hard to believe she's really here…_

I cut her thoughts off. "What happened?" I asked her. I kept my tone casual, but the words erupted out of my mouth so fast that Demetri's attention was drawn ever so slightly more towards our conversation. We had to be careful.

A thousand images rushed through Alice's mind.

Charlie Swan sat in his kitchen nursing his beer, rings around his eyes and a sunken, grieving expression on his face. I caught a few words as Alice's mind rushed through the more painful memories- _catatonic, screamed, crying, empty, died…_

Bella- my beautiful, broken girl –stood at the cliff edge, her feet curling around the chalky rock as the bitter wind lashed at her face and whipped her hair around her shoulders. She smiled to herself- a wrecked smile, fraught with pain. An empty smile.

How could one so empty still look so beautiful? My poor Bella; she looked as though her soul, her warm, perfect soul was lost. There was nothing left. Just the pretty little shell it had been tucked away inside remained.

I vowed there and then that if we ever managed to escape from here, I would do something to fix her. I would find that soul I fell in love with. After all, that was the real reason I left, wasn't it? To protect her soul. To keep it out of harms way. Away from me and my kind.

Alice's vision took a deep breath, steeling herself for the leap she was about to make. Bella bent her knees ever so slightly as the wind shook her fragile frame. I suddenly realised what was about to happen, hundredths of a second before it did; suddenly saw the violent waves crashing onto rocks and debris below, swirling in a Charybdis vortex such a delicate creature could not escape from.

_NO!_

And then she jumped.

She soared down, screaming gladly as she went, always with a smile on her face. That same haunted, bitter smile.

She hit the water, and the waves parted for her body, dragging her under and then spitting her back out again. The turbulent seas churned violently around her thin frame, tossing it over and under the waves. Under once, twice and then a third time, before her tiny body was swept below the current and out of sight.

She sank. She did not resurface. That was as clear as ever in Alice's mind.

I forced back a sob and pulled my mind back to the present; to the warmth radiating through my body from the side Bella was tucked into. I pulled her ever-so-slightly nearer. I couldn't speak; Bella's terrifyingly broken smile still swam before me and panic rose up to swell as a lump in my throat that could never be released through tears. My only comfort was the very real presence of the girl shivering beside me.

_Sorry._ Alice thought. She hadn't meant for me to see so much, and only a few seconds had passed. Alice had barely skimmed through the horrific vision of Bella's jump, and yet it was as real and endlessly painful as if I had been there myself.

"In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself." Alice's tone was casual, but the words in her mind were scathing, mocking. It was clear from her inner eye-rolling tone that she didn't believe a word of it. "Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

Her mind flashed back to that haunting vision, and my throat was still painfully choked.

"Hm," was all that I managed. I didn't even attempt to make it sound indifferent. Alice noticed.

_Calm down, Edward_, Alice warned me. _There's more to tell, and I can't tell you while you're in this state. Get a grip on yourself._

I realised then that Demetri and Felix were watching me very carefully and curiously. My silent conversation with Alice wasn't as subtle as I'd thought. Their minds were working in unison against me once more; apparently I looked wild and enraged. Bella was looking straight ahead of us, blushing silently at whatever unreadable thoughts now occupied her mind.

We walked slowly- painfully slowly, to the cul-de-sac of the narrow alley. The walls slanted in, mocking and trapping us, and I closed my mind from the torment of Bella's fate, thinking only of how beautiful she looked beside me, scared and endangered as she was. And how _warm_… after all of my time in South America, watching the bright sunlight burn away at the ground, not once could its light compare to my Bella. The warmth her body radiated was almost enough to make me feel human once more. Her pounding heart reverberated in my ears, and I could hear it as closely as if it were my own. How I wished our reunion had been longer! If only we'd had just a few more seconds of peace, of blissful ignorance, before being led to our doom…

My mind still reeling, I watched as first Jane, then Alice dropped down through the grate and into the underground tunnel below our feet. Jane had obviously left it open for us. How considerate, to make our journey to their torture chamber simpler…

Bella and I approached the dark hole, and I saw in the vampiric light, my sister waiting below, her hands outstretched.

_Send Bella down first._ She commanded gently. _I don't trust Felix and Demetri alone with her._

Neither did I, and I nodded my thanks to Alice as I reluctantly stepped back slightly from Bella's weak clutches. Bella peered through the hole and then flinched back, like an angel staring down into hell, and not liking the corruption she saw there.

"It's all right, Bella," I lied soothingly, loving the way my tongue wrapped around her name. "Alice will catch you."

"Alice?" She asked timidly, as she sat down on the damp floor and swung her legs into the hole. She looked like a child, learning a new game. Innocence personified.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice called up loudly. I still wasn't sure that she was speaking loudly enough for Bella to hear. I'd forgotten all the silly little human aspects of my life with Bella. It seemed so distant now, and yet closer than ever, as I stood between my love and the Volturi guards who were watching our every move.

Bella gulped, but nodded determinedly to herself. I took her burning wrists gently between my palms and lowered her down, hating myself all the while.

"Ready?"

"Drop her," Alice called out, more for Bella's benefit than mine.

Bella closed her eyes with a grimace, and I let go. With a sudden, burning flash of déjà vu, I saw Bella falling, spiralling wildly into the ocean. But this time I _let_ her fall. This time I wasn't just a passive cause of death. This time I willingly let her go.

And this time, Alice was there to catch her.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and Felix snickered behind me. Shooting him a glare, I jumped through after Bella and had her in my arms again in an instant. I would not spend another moment out of her sight. Not now.

Bella wrapped her arms around my waist as we walked, and I allowed myself to revel in the joy it brought me. She truly was heavenly. I was letting this angel embrace me for as long as possible, and I held her right back, kissing her hair and her forehead while my fingers re-memorised her face, her eyelids, cheekbones, nose, lips…

Alice indulged my appetite for Bella too, showing me all the joy she had felt just a few nights ago, when she had discovered Bella's safety and held my angel in her arms as she cried.

"More," I whispered, so lowly that I knew that the sweet, brave, young girl clutching my shirt would never hear it. "Please Alice, I need to know. Show me more."

Felix tutted irritatingly behind us, but after a brief look inside his head it became clear that he was more concerned with our painstakingly slow pace than my whispered conversation with Alice.

Alice looked up at me, and for a moment I saw a deep resentment in her eyes. Her thoughts betrayed nothing but sympathy, but her eyes spoke volumes. Whatever it was that Bella had gone through in these last six months to make her so broken, Alice blamed me for it.

As did I.

_Sorry_, Alice thought again, still blocking most of her time with Bella from her thoughts. _You might want to prepare yourself in some way. I can guarantee that you won't like the story I have to tell._

"Just show me," I said through gritted teeth.

And so she did.

She started slowly, recounting her few precious days with Bella; my angel's obvious joy at Alice's arrival, the death of Charlie's good friend, the revelation of wolves blinding Alice's sight- that one stayed with me. Bella was socialising with _werewolves_? Of course. How typically Bella. It was idiotic of me to think that Bella could make safe, _human_ friends.

And then the real bomb dropped.

_Victoria. Laurent._

I had thought I was leaving Bella _for her_. For her to live on, peacefully. As if I'd never existed.

_Lies._

Evidently, I was not the only one whose life had been inexorably altered by Bella. Victoria had loved and lost, too. So similarly to my Bella, Victoria had loved a monster. But where Bella was good and virtuous, Victoria was monstrous too, and it was foolish to think I could track such a creature, skilled as she was in death and deceit.

But to the point where she had to rely on _werewolves_- the filthiest abominations the world could create –for _protection_ against_ my kind_… could my Bella never be safe? Could she not live and love in peace, untouched by my world?

A spasm of pain shot through me at the thought of it: Bella with a human husband. A little child with Bella's gorgeous eyes but another man's nose, mouth, hair… Bella's body wrapped around this stranger; loving him, swapping rings with him, giving her very soul to him, while he gave her everything I wanted for her and everything I could never give.

Alice was thinking up a few more expletives to use against me if we ever made it out of this mess. I attempted a smile, but failed miserably.

Jane was… thinking of Heidi's return with terrifying glee. I couldn't dwell on her mind for too long. Felix and Demetri were considering Bella in their feeding chamber once more. I held her closer, dropped another kiss on her forehead and blocked them out with a barely-concealed snarl.

And Bella… Her mind was as blank as ever as she shuddered against my side. Shuddering… of course. She was freezing, the poor thing. She'd shown such exceptional bravery travelling here to end my idiocy, and she was the one paying the price for my selfishness. I pulled away reluctantly, keeping only her hand in my palm. No matter how much I needed Bella by my side, I didn't want her to suffer from it.

"N-n-no!" She cried, throwing her frail arms back around my body. I nearly smiled. She didn't want us to be apart any longer- and I knew the feeling. Still, I brushed my fingers up and down her arms, determined to find some way to provide for her the heat she truly deserved.

Far too late and far too early, we reached the end of the tunnel. I closed my eyes in a pathetic attempt at supplication to whoever might be listening, but I knew it was fruitless. God could not save us from the terrors awaiting us on the other side.

On the other side of that grate, Hell was waiting for us. I opened my eyes and took a deep breath, sucking in Bella's fragrance. Preparing myself for the trial that was about to begin…

* * *

A/N: I put off posting this chapter for a long time, because I wasn't very pleased with it. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, but this one was really just a filler, a transition phase. I realised that Edward would need a whole lot of space to find out and process everything from Alice.

Reviews would be golden.


	3. Mortal Fear

A/N: Um… can I just tell you how much I love you all? Seriously, Edward's love for Bella has nothing on my love for all you guys. You people are too nice to me. You should see my face when I read your reviews- I look like a grinning idiot when I read the lovely things you have to say. The name 'Caius' in this epigraph is a complete coincidence, but also fitting. I originally had a different Shakespeare quote picked out for this one, but then I remembered Brutus' 2.1 speech, and I knew it was perfect. Unfortunately this chapter has less Edward/Bella, but more Volturi, because they are the most awesome villains ever. I would _so_ join them, just to get further insight into Aro's complex character.

_

* * *

Let's be sacrificers, but not butchers, Caius._

…_And, gentle friends,_

_Let's kill him boldly, but not wrathfully;_

_Let's carve him as a dish fit for the gods,_

_Not hew him as a carcass fit for hounds;_

_And let our hearts, as subtle masters do,_

_Stir up their servants to an act of rage,_

_And after seem to chide 'em._

-Shakespeare's Julius Caesar Act 2, scene 1

* * *

Mortal Fear

The grate was opened.

We walked through.

The grate was closed behind us. And _locked_.

It was a harmless gesture; after all, Alice and I could easily break through such pitiful human inventions with a flick of a finger, but it instantly sent me into an even greater- if that were possible by this stage- foreboding chill. What if Bella and I were separated? What if she tried and failed to escape? What would she do? What would _I_ do?

_Calm down, Edward._ Alice thought. An ability like Jasper's wasn't necessary in a situation like this- it was more than obvious how tense, how furious, how despairing I was. And speaking of abilities… I still had to warn Alice of Aro in some way…

We stepped through the wooden door I had first crossed little over twelve hours ago. The pathetic attempt at a casual corridor greeted us as we walked through, and I glared at our surroundings while Bella and Alice took it all in. It was all fake, of course. No windows lined the pale walls, and the only way out was the bland elevator leading us to the Volturi's main rooms. That hideously fake lobby, with _Gianna_ and it's tasteful displays, designed to _attract_… to _lure_ their prey.

Jane stood beside the elevator, waiting impatiently for us. Her expression remained indifferent, but inside she was smug, happily entertaining ways to abuse the power she had over Bella and I. _Maybe a little bit of a play before going in for the kill…_ she thought, remembering my begged, screamed pleas to be dispatched with an internal grin. She was_ ever so talented at making them beg…_

The mere mental image of Bella writhing in pain at her feet was enough incentive for me to rip that vile little monster's head from her neck. I kept my eyes on Jane as we entered the elevator, and even as the doors closed, I didn't dare turn away.

_Just try it. Just you try to hurt her. I can guarantee you'll be ash before she even feels a flicker of your disgusting little parlour trick…_

Jane lifted her cloak from her head and angled her eyes towards me with a grin. Felix and Demetri followed her lead, and I felt Bella cringe away and into my chest at the sight of their red irises. I kept my hand running up and down her arm comfortingly, but I didn't dare say anything to her. Besides, in such a situation, what _could_ you say?

_Hello, Bella. It's lovely to see you again after all this time. Sorry about this, it's a bit of an inconvenience, isn't it? I know you came all this way to save my life, but I'm afraid you were too late. We both were- welcome to hell. These are the demons that inhabit this particular hellhole, but don't worry, they're not interested in anything but eating you alive…_

Needless to say, I kept quiet.

The elevator stopped far too soon, and I was forced to turn away from Jane as we stepped out into the entrance room. The gorgeous mahogany room mocked us with its faux warmth, and Gianna was waiting behind her desk to greet us, still with that same hauntingly blank expression.

But her expression was not nearly as disturbing as her _mind_.

"Good afternoon, Jane," she said with dull courtesy. She smiled at our group, dutifully applying an unsurprised mask.

_Hmm, a human brought in so close to feeding time? _She pondered._ She's not much to look at; nearly faded away. Just skin and bones… Now, if I were one of them, I'd go for something a little more filling…_

I blocked it out quickly. Gianna's mind, as chilling as it was, was _not_ one of the minds I should be focusing on now.

What I did need to be focusing on, was the addition to our group, waiting just beyond the wooden doors for us. _Alec_. He had heard us coming through the tunnel, and picked up on Bella's pounding heartbeat. I myself was continuously listening to it too; dissecting each rhythmic beat and burning the sounds into my mind. Proof that she was really here, alive, with me. Alec, however was mulling over the sound in a very different way.

He was wondering idly when it would stop. I was trying desperately not to wonder the same thing. Bella couldn't die. She wouldn't. She would come out of this alive and well; I would do anything in my power to make that possible.

_Ooh, so handsome!_ Gianna cooed inwardly, as Felix brushed past her with a wink. I noticed my Bella looking at her curiously and steered her quickly on. Not all monsters were the walking dead, as I very well knew. I'd met more than enough human monsters in my time, but I'd be damned if I would allow Bella to come into contact with any of them.

The monster on the other side of the doors was no better, though.

"Jane," he cooed, reaching for his sister and embracing her. Alec's mind was not so alarming as Jane's, but he too, relished the thought of a fight. Nothing as interesting as my arrival had happened in Volterra for quite a few centuries, and the chance to use his powers to their full potential was seldom granted to him. He hoped that Aro's enthusiasm for my case might grant- I cringed at his choice of words –a _demonstration_.

"They send you out for one, and you come back with two… and a half. Nice work." Alec said admiringly as the twins kissed each other's cheeks in greeting. He leered at my Bella as he did so, and I subtly pulled her closer to my bare chest with a short warning growl in my throat. Jane simply laughed at my reaction; a hint of menace breaking through her otherwise charming exterior.

"Welcome back, Edward," Alec said in a polite manner, though the phrase in his mind sounded more like a taunt. He was thinking gloatingly of my failed attempt to turn their hands. "You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I admitted, my hard tone barely registering. I was in no mood for conversing over the mundane while Bella's life was still hanging in the balance, like a thread about to be snapped.

"And _this_ is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked, eyeing Bella sceptically. I simply smiled with cynicism. Alec was judging her by physical appearance, and not understanding the beauty of what he saw. Where he saw a plain, cowardly girl, clinging terrified to my side, I saw a powerful, brave young woman, willingly travelling into the depths of Volterra to pay the price for my own stupidity. I saw the beauty of her face when it was transformed by expression and her natural, mortal fragility, whereas he saw a human- utterly worthless for anything other than a decent next meal.

And speaking of meals…

…_So clear, nearly translucent… I can almost taste it. Yes, I'll definitely have some fun with this one…_

I froze. Moments later, I heard Felix drawl out one word.

"Dibs," he called, mockingly. His mind's eye drew the scene clearly in his mind; Bella, trapped and frightened in his unrelenting grasp as he brushed her hair gently back like a lover, as though savouring the scent before moving in for the kill…

I turned with a snarl as Felix raised one hand, daring me to make an unfriendly move. But Alice grabbed my arm before I had even taken my first step.

"Patience," was all she said, but I caught more than that.

_Just be patient, Edward, and keep your head down. He's just trying to provoke you. Let them think what they want, but there's a good chance we'll be okay. You, me _and_ Bella. Felix may wish for whatever he chooses, but it won't come into fruition. I don't see Bella being harmed. See?_

I did see. But there were factors behind Alice's failing sight that she was either not taking into consideration or purposely keeping from me. And I knew that Felix was not just trying to provoke me; I could see his enthusiasm for the gruesome fantasy running through his mind.

_It's nowhere in her future, Edward,_ Alice told me sharply. _Nowhere. Whatever Felix is thinking of, he can't get it without running it past Aro first. Just calm down, and we might make it out of here tonight, with no sacrifices… you just have to be patient, let them mock you, let them have their fun…_

I had half a mind to point out to her that the only reason she didn't see Bella dead was because Aro still wasn't aware that she was alive, but I kept quiet and turned dismissively away from Felix, taking a deep breath to calm myself. Plenty of time to rip the insolent guard from limb to limb once the _real_ Volturi members had reached their verdict.

_Thank you._

I realised then, that Alice had been truly worried about my reaction. My path had swerved for a few precarious seconds into a dangerous future. Launching an attack on one of the most prestigious members of the Volturi's guard would apparently not bode well for our survival. Aro needed Demetri's skill in tracking. And what a skill it was… I pilfered through his mind and stored my findings on his talent away for future use. Anything that would help Bella… anything…

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec said, without the slightest hint of a threat in his tone or thoughts, as he chose to ignore my behaviour, on account of Felix's baiting.

"Let's not keep him waiting," said Jane eagerly.

I nodded curtly. No, we were here now, and it would do no good to linger. I would do as Alice said and be patient. My body and mind were still racing frantically; I felt like the venom in my veins was actually being pumped around my body, propelling me forwards. I was not looking for an opportunity to flee anymore. I was ready to fight, but I knew I must remain calm. Alec and Jane held hands as they walked together down the next elaborate hallway; their minds in sync as they pondered over their role in our fate. Whatever Aro had in store for us, they wanted to be a part of it. In their minds, they were running over the different possibilities… as they led us to the room I had come to expect. The room I had known all along we were headed towards.

Their _feeding_ room.

I stopped in my tracks.

_Edward,_ Alice warned. _It doesn't matter. We don't have a choice. Please…_

_No._

I was doing as I was told. I was being patient. I was accepting my fate and choosing to face the Volturi once more. I'd even brought an angel down into their devilish midst. But I would not let them tear her to shreds. I would not let them hurt her. I wanted to sob in frustration. Wasn't this the reason I had left her in the first place? To protect her from the inevitable pain and suffering that she would face at the hands of my kind. And now, here we were, surrounded by evil and facing her death, as I had known we would be if we remained together. Such bitter irony- that despite my attempts to shield her from my kind, she should have to face death once more. And to think that if I had never left her, we would not be here now!

_Edward, you have no choice._ Alice reminded me anxiously. Barely a second had passed, and a human probably would not have even detected my halt. But the Volturi were far from human.

Alice's thoughts grew sharper.

_You made your choice six months ago, Edward. I told you not to, and you didn't listen. It's too late to change that now._

I spared my sister a sideways glance, and the disappointment I saw there jolted me to my senses. I saw, once again, that although she still loved me, and was doing her best to harbour her bitterness, Alice deeply resented me for my behaviour since September. More so, she blamed me for the grief and pain she had gone through after her terrible visions; both of Bella's death and my own.

I looked away, and walked with Bella through the door, silently vowing to make amends with Alice if we ever got out of here.

_You'd better,_ Alice thought sullenly, seeing my decision instantly. I turned my thoughts back to the people around us. If they could really be called _people_.

The room was as dark and vile as I had pictured it, with three meretriciously decorated chairs lining the circular walls. The scent of blood- ranging from fresh to centuries old –permeated the air. The room in itself was scrupulously clean, but the scent could not be masked. Even without the gleeful thoughts of Demetri and Felix, it was obvious what this room was used for. The drain in the very centre of the floor was proof enough. And the vampires gathered around the pale walls, eagerly anticipating their next meal, left me in absolutely no doubt.

"Jane, dear one," Aro suddenly cried out in a joyful ring, extracting himself from the small crowd. "You've returned!" He embraced her much the same as Alec had; but with a quick kiss on her lips rather than her cheek. Jane smiled gloatingly as he withdrew, noticing the eyes drawn towards her. She was proud to be Aro's _favourite_.

"Yes, Master," she cooed, "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

This struck me; I had forgotten in my despair and concentration, the instructions Aro had given his guards. He wanted me alive. But why?

Aro turned to me eagerly; and with a theatrical jolt, his misty eyes were drawn to the women at my side.

"And Alice and Bella too!" He cried ecstatically. "This is a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

I narrowed my eyes, as Alice raised hers. I had expected Aro's thoughts to be similar to when I had last met him; tactical and greedy, despite his charm. But for now, he meant exactly what he said. The only question was: why?

"Felix," he cried, rushing to the guard's side, "Be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

Felix snorted inwardly at the tone of Aro's voice; he did not take kindly to being addressed by his master as though he were the favourite nephew of an elderly and eccentric aunt. Nevertheless, he knew better than to dare to outwardly question Aro's unconventionality.

"Yes, Master," the hulking guard said with a nod, and withdrew from our group. Aro waited until he was out of sight, and then set his gaze on me once more.

"You see, Edward," he said, in a sing-song condescending tone. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

Yesterday I had begged for death. I had asked Aro for my one wish: to be reunited with Bella. And now I was. With Bella by my side, facing them once again. And a part of me wished I wasn't.

"Yes, Aro, I am," I agreed selfishly. Because although I had brought Bella down into their midst, if I were dead, I wouldn't be holding her waist in that moment. And if Bella wasn't by my side, with her sweet scent permeating the room and driving away the dank scent of centuries worth of blood, then I surely would not have found the will to continue through Aro's verdict.

"I love a happy ending. They are so rare," Aro sighed joyfully, and my frown deepened. He was barely overdoing his enthusiasm at all; his thoughts betrayed his excitement as much as his tone. "But I want the whole story. How did this happen?"

He turned, practically bouncing on the spot, to my sister. For a moment, she seemed stunned; or as stunned as a psychic could ever appear. She seemed to have found someone to rival her quirky nature- and at the very moment in her existence when she was least eccentric.

"Alice?" He asked tunefully. "Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

Did I imagine the desperation and disappointment whirling around in his thoughts? I saw once more, Aro's extreme interest in Alice's power, and his commitment to creating a powerful army of the gifted. Was _this_ his motive?

"Oh, I'm far from infallible," Alice assured him, with a nervous smile in my direction. To anyone else, it would have seemed perfectly natural and carefree, but I knew better. "As you can see from today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

Well done, Alice, I thought to myself, smiling smugly as Aro mulled over this statement. How very astute of her to have picked up on Aro's one weakness: greed. Aro wanted the best, and if the best were to make mistakes…

"You're too modest," Aro assured her with a friendly wink. "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

…_What? Edward? What does he mean?!_

Alice turned to me expectantly, but how could I possibly explain Aro's over-friendly behaviour? Aro had over fifty years worth of my memories of her brilliance stored in his mind. He had seen her through my eyes; through the eyes of a proud brother, watching his favourite sister and best friend use her gift to aid our human façade.

"I'm sorry," he said, noticing Alice's glance. "We haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." He sighed enviously at this, genuinely hating the limitations of his gift.

I had realised what he had not. He still didn't understand, or at least refused to accept _why_ he was limited in such a way.

"And also exceptionally more powerful," I said, trying to casually throw in a warning. Alice, being the quick-witted woman she had always been, picked up on it immediately, and I hastened to explain. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears _every thought your mind has ever had_."

So be careful. Very careful.

_Everything? _Alice pondered, her eyebrows raised in astonishment. _You say powerful… you don't just mean his gift, do you?_

I bowed my head in acknowledgement.

Aro did not miss it.

"But to be able to hear from a distance," he cried with a tragic sigh. "That would be so _convenient_."

Alice's voice suddenly forced its way frantically through my mind.

…_Edward, I can see it. I can see what he wants, but Edward, I promise, it'll never happen. Never. I won't let it happen. Oh, Edward, I won't! Edward! No…_

No.

In Alice's mind and Aro's, for that split second, the extent of his cruelty and power were revealed. Alice and I, wearing dark grey cloaks and blank, empty expressions stood on either side of our _master_. And we could not complain. We could not break free. He had Chelsea and Jane and Alec to ensure that that would never be a problem.

Our eyes were blank. Empty.

So, they were to kill me kindly. To rip away that which had given my empty existence so much meaning, and force my hand to turn to them in an artificial loyalty. A half-life. Half-death.

I didn't need to be a mind reader to know what Aro was thinking now.

…_Let's be sacrificers, but not butchers, Caius… Let's kill him boldly, but not wrathfully_…

If Brutus' words ever rang truer, I had no further words to answer with. A sacrifice of love, of life… in return for my existence. So similarly to poor Marcus, they meant to sacrifice my happiness but save me from death. They wouldn't butcher my body, but keep my empty shell as a trophy in their grand collection.

They had something far worse than death in store for me. I saw in Marcus' dull grey eyes, a reflection of myself in Aro's vision. Aro did not care for personality or love or anything that made life worth living. He saw his guards as possessions; as attractive, impressive kudos for his centuries of extravagance.

Beneath the light-hearted exterior, he was the truest monster I had ever met, even in the years I spent hunting such creatures. Not even my own self-loathing could rival the bitter hatred I felt for this man before me, and I knew he would be able to see it with a clasp of my shoulder or a brush of his hand, but I didn't care. I _wanted_ him to see it.

Aro's gift was also his greatest weakness, and although no one would ever admit it aloud, it was a curse. For my own telepathic abilities stemmed from my aptitude as a human for understanding the thoughts of those around me. It wasn't something I was proud of, and most of the time, I did my best not to use such an unfair advantage to the world around me. But Aro's gift had a subtle difference, because he didn't understand _people_. He saw his men as just that; men. He didn't see the difference between Felix and Demetri; or Jane and Heidi. He saw a guard, and another, and another. They were meaningless to him, and their minds completely void until he was given physical closeness.

Aro didn't understand people he wasn't close to. The closest, dearest persons in his heart, were the only ones he truly understood, and as a vampire, that gift had been transferred in both the metaphorical and physical sense. With a touch, he gained insight, but the people furthest away from his heart were unreadable.

And that was why he said no, when I had asked him for freedom from this life. He knew what I would attempt, he knew what I had suffered, but he refused. Because he didn't understand me. It took a mind reader to understand that there was far more to a person than their thoughts. My best interests were not in Aro's heart, and neither was I. And that being the case, even with his ability, Aro could not fully understand my feelings for Bella. He underestimated the familial bond between myself and Carlisle, because he didn't understand family. The man who had once killed his sister in exchange for the power of her lover, did not understand love.

And that was why his gift was so limited. Because he didn't understand it, and he never would.

A new voice drew me out of my raging, despairing thoughts, as I heard the oxymoronic twang of boredom and opulence that the millennia had brought to so many of our kind.

…_Edward, again. What drivel has he come to spout now, I wonder. Yesterday it was love and death. Today, hatred and the joys of life, perhaps? If so, I suppose there would be a place for him here, after all…_

I recognised the voice as Caius' just moments before Aro's second in command made his presence known, with Marcus and Felix in tow.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" Aro crowed excitedly, scurrying over to his brothers. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

Knowing what I knew now about Aro's exact plans for our co-operation with his guard, those charming words took on a sinister, deadly tone. Especially given the fact that Bella was somehow an important factor in Aro's schemes. I saw the glee in his whirling thoughts, noticed his voice slip over Bella's name with a slight change in pitch: he was definitely interested in her.

I couldn't decide if that was better or worse for her future. If he wasn't interested in her, Bella was… disposable to him. But if he wanted Bella as much as he wanted myself and Alice, she could face something far worse than death, and selfish as I was, I couldn't allow that to happen. I _needed_ her. Marcus and Caius wouldn't be much of a factor in Aro's decision, as I already knew from my supplication yesterday. Caius' interest was fixated on us, though he fought to repress his enthusiasm. Aro's enthusiasm was embarrassing enough for both of them, he thought.

Marcus…

Marcus was dreaming.

I tried, out of respect for his privacy, not to dwell on that.

"Let us have the story!" Aro intoned happily. I wouldn't have been surprised to see him skipping around the chamber.

_Oh_, Marcus thought, and his sudden lurch back into reality threw me slightly.

He turned his cloudy, thoughtless eyes towards me. He held my gaze, and for a fraction of a second, a whole swarm of emotion flooded through his eyes and mind; love, hatred, jealousy, curiosity, anger, bliss… a spectrum of sentiments swirling through the mist that covered his sight as he stared at me.

And then his eyes drifted down to lock onto the girl at my side.

_Didyme!_ He thought ecstatically. _Didyme, my love. Oh, Didyme…_

Before I could understand what was happening, Marcus' eyes were suddenly sharper, more defined, and staring intently at Bella's face. And then- so quickly that even I could not be sure it had really happened –his pale, blank face contorted into a frown; the first expression he had shown for many millennia. It hurt though, to show sentiment on a face carved long ago into a statue of nonentity, because a second later, he was gazing at my Bella with no expression once more.

_No… _he thought slowly. _No… it's not her…_

I frowned. Bella looked nothing like the smiling young woman from Marcus' youth.

_Not her, not her!_ Marcus lamented bitterly. _Oh, but I thought… I thought…_

A rush of emotion swelled from his mind, as he suddenly locked eyes with me once more. And this time, I recognised what resemblance he had seen- this man who could read relationships and the emotions with which we tied ourselves to others. He had not seen Didyme. He had not even truly seen Bella.

He had seen love.

Marcus' talent sprang from his own ability as a child to love profusely. As a young boy, he had felt emotion with such precision, that it was a gift to him; he understood anger, fear and hatred… but also love, joy and adoration. The one emotion he had never experienced as a human, was loss. He understood relationships. He didn't understand solitude at all.

So when, mere decades later, he had met his beloved Didyme, he knew at once what he was experiencing, having experienced love before. What he didn't understand was how powerful his love for her was. Marcus was drawn to her instantly; the kind, witty sister of his new immortal friend…

But his happiness was to be cut short; he had barely seen three centuries with his love before his partner's dreams of a ruling class of vampires grew tiresome to Marcus. And just a decade after deciding to elope with his beloved Didyme, she was gone; only ashes remained of the fiery lady he had held so dear.

Marcus didn't understand it; for months he wept and begged not liking the incomprehensible emotions cursing through his body. That they were unrecognisable, only sent an even fiercer jolt of loss through his mind. He had lost Didyme first, and now his gift.

And then his friend, his partner, his master laid a hand gently on his right shoulder.

"Marcus," he said, in a voice ringing with compassion and barely concealed authority.

Marcus recognised this. This was greed, he told himself. This was selfishness. He understood the dark relationships Aro formed with these emotions.

The beautiful Chelsea- a new addition to their coven –smiled sweetly at his hunched, shaking form, and placed her small hand on his left shoulder.

He recognised what he felt from her, too. Power. Exhilaration. Control. He saw that she could bend relationships. Could use her control to shape a new relationship from his wife's ashes.

Once swept up in emotions far sweeter, Marcus was caught up in Chelsea's control. He understood the power she wielded over his thoughts; understood the tie with which she knotted him to Aro's side. What he didn't understand was the loss he could no longer bear to feel.

And so he willingly bound himself to the Volturi, and began to dream away his sleepless existence with thoughts of Didyme, and the emotions he knew he would never feel again. Not while trapped in the confides of Aro's underground city.

_For over two thousand years_, I thought to myself, lowering my eyes from Marcus' out of respect. Yes, it had been a long time since Marcus had felt a love to rival the depths of his own experiences.

Barely a few seconds had passed, and Caius drifted away to his throne-like chair without a word, obviously impatient for an explanation. Marcus began to follow, but then stopped beside Aro, pondering over the harshness of being driven so quickly into reality.

One of the tall women in the crowd frowned and drew forward, turning to look at Marcus. Chelsea, I realised. Her mind was mulling over what she had just felt- a sharp tug on the ancient bonds she had so conveniently placed over their one unwilling leader. Still frowning, she tightened them once more, and reaching out with her mind, she secured one master securely to the other's side.

_There_, she thought, smugly, sensing the unwavering loyalty she held him with. _Much better_.

With this final tug, Marcus' halt became a moment of loyalty rather than resistance, and he reached out to brush the skin of his hand lightly against Aro's.

In an flash, Aro knew everything. He saw so much at once, but he had become skilled over time, and now he had fine-tuned his gift so perfectly that he could separate the new information from previous thoughts instantaneously.

_Impossible_, he thought, as he watched, entranced by Marcus' slip. _Such strength, such feeling… it's impossible…_

I snorted inwardly. Aro had found my resistance impossible to accept just yesterday, when I had shown it to him. He did not understand my relationship with Bella, and so he could not understand how I could resist. Love was a stranger to him, and so too was I. Even now, having seen my love for Bella through the eyes of the only person in the room who could truly understand the full depth of it, he didn't understand.

And then Aro began plotting with glee, and I snorted aloud this time with derision, because it was ridiculous the way Aro's mind worked.

He thought that he could use our bond- my love for Bella, and even my love for Alice, to bring us all together. Since there was no way I would ever want to be without Bella, Aro assumed I would allow her to become one of them, just so I could keep her.

Bella now joined myself and Alice in his mind's vision for the future of Volterra.

Had he learnt nothing from my pitiful pleas yesterday? I would sooner die than see my Bella controlled by this man. Alice and Bella looked up at me curiously, but I said nothing.

"Thank you Marcus," Aro said, with a nod at Chelsea. "That's quite interesting."

Marcus didn't reply: his mind was still reeling from his momentary slip of control. Instead, he made his way to another chair, thoughtfully numb and returning to his dream-like state of mind once more.

"Amazing," Aro breathed, ridiculously in awe of the power my love for Bella held over my thirst. "Absolutely amazing."

If I hadn't been so tense, I would have found the frustrated look Alice gave me comical. She hated being left in the dark about anything.

"Marcus sees relationships," I told her shortly. "He's surprised by the intensity of ours."

"So convenient," Aro muttered to himself, before turning back to me with a grin. "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

I didn't answer; I was still seething that he would dare to think of my relationship with Bella as a convenient method for the enslavement of us both. That he could refer to the man he called his brother with the same carelessness only deepened my fury. But I knew I had to be careful. Patient.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," Aro continued his eyes alight with excitement as they unabashedly roamed over our stances. "How can you stand so close to her like that?"

"It's not without effort," I assured him, curtly. He had already seen the effort behind my actions, but failed to place love as the weight behind them. To him, it was a weightless, unfathomable mystery.

"But still," he pressed, "_La __tua__ cantante_! What a waste!"

The room around us was suddenly abuzz. I heard the intrigue of Italian thoughts swarm through the silence; the many minds of the guards surrounding us were as one.

_La sua__cantante__? __È impossibile! Così forte…_

I laughed darkly. "I look at it more as a price," I told him, as Bella scrunched her nose up in confusion at the foreign term. Even this simple movement of hers sent another painful sear of fire to my throat. I may have overcome my desire for her blood, but that didn't change the facts: I was a vampire, she was a human and I hadn't fed for several weeks. Aro noticed me tense slightly, and when he spoke again, his tone was sceptical.

"A very high price."

"Opportunity cost," I argued back.

Aro laughed easily. His easy-going nature was hard to keep up with, and I didn't like it. I wished he would just cut to the chase. Sentence me.

_And let Bella walk free._

But in the depths of my heart, I knew that despite Alice's reassurances, Bella's chances were slim.

"If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong," he continued. "I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you…"

He trailed off, not wishing to offend, but I knew, as always, what went unsaid.

"Waste it," I finished sarcastically.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him- only he was not so angry."

I clenched my teeth together, angrily, at the familial term with which Aro associated himself with my father.

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control, of all things," Aro said, still shaking his head in amazement. "But you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I said impatiently. Why did Aro insist to keep coming back to this point? What did my thirst for Bella's blood matter in his plans for our future, I wondered. Was he simply drawing out our visit, or planning something with this information? Judging by the way his mind was mulling over each word I uttered, as though it was as precious as Jane or Chelsea were to his guard, I thought that it must be very important indeed. And that frightened me.

"I am gratified by his success," Aro said of Carlisle, "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, thought they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it… _pleases_ me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

It was I who was confused now. Aro did seem to be genuinely pleased with Carlisle's success. Of course, it could just have been that he was happy for his old _friend_, but it ran further than that. He was happy for himself too. Because Carlisle had joined us together, and I had led Alice to him? I didn't like to dwell on that.

Aro _did_ seem to want to dwell on one subject in particular, though, as he once again raised the subject of my thirst.

"But your restraint!" He exclaimed once more with a dramatic sigh. Aro was a true entertainer as well as a leader, and the vampires huddled around the room were enraptured along with him. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again- if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

I fought to contain my contempt, as I took in Aro's words and compared them with his thoughts. Aro was clever- far cleverer than I had initially given him credit for. I realised now _what_ he was doing; why he kept drawing my attention back to the magnetic pull Bella's blood had on me. He wanted me to come undone; to give in to the temptation. He foolishly thought that he could make it happen.

But why? Why would he want such a thing, here, in the middle of his trial against our lives?

"Just remembering how she appeals to you," Aro said, trying just one more time. "It makes me _thirsty_."

He waited, and abruptly, I understood. Aro wanted the three of us, but Bella was of no use as a human. She would have to be changed. And Aro, with his ersatz affability, believed that to allow me to pierce her throat was an endowment he could bestow to me in exchange for my servitude. He believed that it would be some sort of gift for the both of us. I would get Bella's blood. She would be given immortality. What a perfect happy ending- for _him_, anyway.

But though I tensed, I said nothing. Did nothing. I couldn't let Aro see how angry I was; couldn't tear him from limb to limb as I so longed to…

Patience. I had to be patient.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro said, abruptly changing tack once he saw how he had gotten to me. "I mean her no harm. But I am _so_ curious, about one thing in particular." He raised his hand, now thinking eagerly of a crude experimentation with her mind. "May I?"

As much as it repulsed me to have such a monster come into contact with my Bella, I knew that we didn't really have a choice in the matter. Aro was intrigued by Bella's immunity, and the slightest bit eager to work it to his own advantage, too. Besides, considering the nature of Aro's gift, it was nothing compared to the other horrors waiting in line for her.

Still, it irked me, the way he was speaking only to me, and treating her humanity like a disease; an ailment that rendered her completely brain-dead and unable to handle the prospect of original thought.

"Ask her," I told him in a dull monotone.

Aro smiled widely.

"Of course! How rude of me!" He cried exaggeratedly. "Bella. I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent- so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try- to see if you are an exception for _me_ as well?"

I gazed down at her, to find her eyes flash up to lock with mine. Those eyes- so deep, so soulful, stared into mine, seeming to search for an answer to respond with, and I searched into hers too, taking in everything I saw. Her fright, confusion, interest… in the end, it was the trust she showed in turning to me for an answer that decided my response. I nodded once in encouragement- there was no other option after all –and she blindly accepted my decision as her own, raising one trembling hand out to meet Aro's.

Aro drew forward eagerly- he was very much looking forward to what he would see in Bella's mind. My one weakness, ready and willing to be exploited. He was gloating smug on the interior, as everyone else looked on. Here, he would prove his superiority, with my failure and Bella's open mind…

He clasped her hand within his.

Bella let out a small gasp, and then shivered slightly as his skin met her own. She made no movement to pull her hand away, but her eyes widened as her body trembled. I gazed down at her, listening- always listening –for Aro's evaluation. Selfish creature that I was, as much as I could see my Bella's discomfort, a small part of me hoped Aro _could_ read her mind. I was longing to see it myself.

But the seconds ticked on, and Aro's confidence wavered, as it became clear that Bella's mind was as inpenatratable to him as it was to me. He furrowed his brows with anger and shame.

_Impossible. A mere human… such power… incredible…_

He composed his face as he withdrew his hand from hers.

"So very interesting," he commented, and I couldn't help but smile. _That's my girl_. His mind whirling, his disappointment turned once more to glee, as he pictured Bella as a strong, emotionless member of his guard; a replacement for the feeble, timid Renata, with powers so much more advanced… surely such a talent would be increased ten-fold with her transformation…

He shook his head to clear his thoughts.

_A little more experimentation needed first._

"A first," he said, eyes gleaming, and now he spoke so quickly that even I did not see the direction in which his thoughts had taken him until it was too late. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents… Jane dear?"

No.

_No_.

It was the one word my mind could think of. I might have even said it. I didn't know. Didn't care. I roared, springing forward to block them from Bella's path. I felt a tug on my arms, but did not tear my eyes away from Aro; could not tear my mind away from Jane's. The little wretch was gazing up at her beloved master with doe eyes, and they were gently conversing, but in my anger I did not hear the words; the screaming, agonising pleas of Bella writhing on the floor under Jane's gaze was imprinted into my mind, and that was all that I could hear, all that I could see. A thousand thoughts, visions, voices swarmed behind my eyes, but I cast them aside. I didn't want to know Alice's perception of the future now. I didn't want to know the opinions of our spectators or our jury. I wanted Jane's head at my feet. I would stop at nothing to see the little witch brought down.

I had felt so alive since my ill-fated reunion with Bella- so ready to do something; anything. Run, jump, flee. Now, the rush I had been feeling transformed. I was not alive. I had not been alive for the last one-hundred-and-eight years. But Bella _was_. Now the rush slowed; it fixated. In the tumultuous whirl of emotion- of grief and pain and joy –there was only Bella. For the last twenty-four hours, I had thought her dead, but seeing her here now it seemed impossible. She could not die. She would not die.

The rush transformed. I would not wait patiently for them to kill her. I would kill them first. Starting with the bitch who dared to imagine her cries for help.

Jane first. Then Aro. Then Felix.

There was no thought- at least, no _rational_ thought behind the quick plans I was drawing up. My mind was propelled forward by the coursing rage and Jane's image of Bella searing through my eyelids. I was spitting; snarling, but I didn't care. Realistically, I knew that I couldn't lay a finger on her, but at the time, I wasn't thinking with realism.

Jane turned her glittering, piercing eyes towards my Bella, and I shook off the restraining hand that kept me still.

"Don't!" Someone cried as I flung myself forward, lunging at the creature responsible for the cries reverberating inside my head. Not a second had passed before I was jerked back to the ground with an invisible blow.

And then the _real_ screaming started.

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A/N: Ooh, a cliffy! Pfft, you all know the story anyway.

Thanks to TheSingingGirl for help with the Italian here! There's a reason why I put off posting this chapter: my alerts aren't working. I'm not receiving any PMs or author alerts, or any emails from this website in general. I don't know why. I keep emailing them, but if they are replying (which I doubt it) I'm not getting those emails either. This means I can't answer all of my reviews- but I can see them, so please keep them coming!

Also… I normally stray away from using American-isms in my fics, because I'm a proud Brit girl, but I think "elevator" sounds more fancy and Edward-ish than "lift". It makes me look like a complete hypocrite after I posted on _In Defence of Mike Newton_ that I wouldn't be changing the title… but just this once, I decided to use one word over another, to fit the style of the piece.

And can I just say one more thing? Longest. Chapter. Ever. Written. Reviews inspire me so much that I get carried away.

Reviews would be better than Shakespeare and the Volturi and Edward/Bella. Well, okay, that's a total lie, but it's a close second!


	4. Massacre

A/N: Sorry for the extra-long wait, guys. I had trouble with this chapter. I could spend forever listing all of my well thought out excuses for why I haven't updated in so long, but you want to read the fic, not listen to me blather on, right?

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Whip me, ye devils,  
From the possession of this heavenly sight!_

-Shakespeare's Othello, Act 5 Scene 2

* * *

Massacre

The clearest memories I have of my human life are the final few moments of the prolonged agony of my death. It's strange – that the only moments I made a concise effort to remember were my last. Was it because I knew at the time that I was dying? Was it because my death was the most significant point of those first seventeen years?

No.

No, I knew that these truths made no difference to my memory. The real reason I could remember my death with such lasting clarity was the scorching, agonising pain that had held me in a constant torturous scream. There was no pain in my life that could ever begin to compare. The flames kept me wide awake, locked in their blazing chokehold for three whole days, and not even the happy memories of my parents or our carefree lives together could break through the smokescreen of fire as my heartbeat slowed to a stop. The seventeen years before my death were set ablaze by this one lasting memory.

There was screaming then, too. I remember the screaming very clearly. I'd cried out purposely, and concentrating on the noise to deter my mind from the pain.

The screaming I heard now was not my own. It was Bella's. And that just made the pain infinitely worse.

"_Stop_!" She was shrieking. I tried to concentrate on her voice to keep from screaming aloud myself. I would _not_ give Jane that satisfaction.

A sharper bolt of pain flashed through my limbs, and I curled up tighter, clenching my jaw against the agony as the words flashed through my hazy mind; _I will not scream, I will not scream, I will not scream…_

Jane must have taken offence at my silence, because the pain shot through my spine this time; white hot and scorching. My back arched and bent in on itself, trying to shake off the pain that was not even really there. Death was nothing compared to this. Easy. Venom through a human's veins would seem blissfully cool in comparison.

I clenched my teeth tighter against the roar of pain that was churning in my throat, threatening to explode from my lips. I tilted my pounding head back against the cold stone floor, but it did nothing to soothe the fire and I couldn't keep it there. My body jerked from side to side like a puppet with snapping strings. It took enough effort to maintain my silence – I couldn't possibly hold my body as still as my voice.

"Jane?" I faintly heard through the roar of the fires crackling through my limbs.

And then, as quickly as it had begun, the pain was gone, and I drooped to the floor, exhausted, limp, lifeless.

_Yes master?_

I tried to sigh with relief, but I was temporarily disbanded- my limbs didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay right where I was – alone and reprieved of their cruelty – while I still could. After the agony I had just suffered, this nothingness was bliss. My mind was still reeling from the pain it had experienced – or _thought_ it had experienced – but for the moment, my endurance was all I could think of. I was still here. Not dead. Not ash.

"He's fine," I heard a familiar voice say. A _familial_ voice. Family. Alice.

My mind seemed to be working at an oddly slow pace – almost as slow as a human's mind – as I struggled to recover.

Alice. Alice was here. Comforting someone. Comforting Bella.

Bella.

_Bella!_

I jerked my still body upright so quickly that many of the surrounding guard members drew back in alarm. I was the puppet again, the puppet with broken strings, only I had new strings now as I recalled the reasons behind my pain. And these strings could not be controlled by the Volturi. Not even Chelsea could rid me of the bond I had made with the beautiful, wide-eyed, ethereal creature in my sister's arms.

She looked scared, shaking and struggling against the firm grip Alice held her with. For one brief, terrified moment, I thought that the expression on her face was due to the torture Jane provoked. And then I heard the little witch's fury reverberating through her head, and I relaxed.

Bella was safe.

I walked to Alice's side and reached out carefully. She understood my intentions and let Bella into my arms without a moments hesitation. I hugged her tightly to my chest, in the same protective way as Alice had done, and it seemed that she met my arms with as much relief as I had for her. Was it my own biased wishes, or did she inhale my scent shakily as I breathed in her own?

Aro's laughter echoed around the room even as I pulled her into my arms.

"This is wonderful," he cried with uncontrolled enthusiasm. I no longer needed to be a mind reader to understand the implications behind his glee.

Jane, on the other hand, did not find Bella's immunity amusing. _In talent she is weak. In physicality, she is even weaker_, she thought in bitter jealousy. Like a wildcat, she hissed, preparing to spring. _A physical pain would cure this one of its trickery._

"Don't be put out, dear one. She confounds us all," Aro sang joyfully, restraining her with a single hand. She debated inwardly for a moment, whether it was worth the humiliation of her failure to disobey his orders. Then, thankfully, she eased back, glaring at my Bella with disdain even as she relented her attack. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

Aro chuckled again – the sound pierced through my ears like a physical blow. Everything seemed that much more threatening now. My senses were strung tightly on a chord. An after effect of Jane's torture, no doubt. The pain had only increased my trepidation.

"You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence," Aro commented lightly. "I asked Jane to do that to me once – just out of curiosity."

He shook his head in admiration. _I_ shook _my_ head in disgust.

"So," Aro sighed, his tone ringing with an ominous finality. "What do we do with you now?"

I froze, and I felt Alice do the same beside me. This was it. Bella began to tremble, but whether in fear or cold, I did not know, and I was afraid that drawing her closer to my body would only chill her further.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind?" Aro asked me hopefully. "Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company."

Even as he said the words, I recoiled from them. The _little company_ he spoke of was, in fact, the largest, most powerful band of killers on the face of the earth. The Volturi were civilised, and even if a few of them didn't take pleasure in the killings they regularly practiced, it was routine now – they thought nothing of it. Humans were animals to them, nothing more. And when in a position of power, such people as the Volturi could be dangerous. Aro was dangerous, despite his outward charm. I had to be careful. So very careful.

"I'd… rather… not," I said, wincing slightly as Alice's mind whirled at a frantic speed, searching for any outcome my words could bring us. Through her eyes, and my gift, I saw the words Aro chose to speak, just moments before he spoke them.

"Alice? Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?"

He had evidentially decided to let my own disappointing response pass, in favour of hearing Alice's decision. It was clear already, that of the three of us, it was Alice's power that he favoured above all. Bella's, though fascinating, was incomplete. My own was so very similar to what he already possessed. But Alice… with my sister at his side, he saw himself in the position of a god.

The trouble was, even vampires could not dream to reach such a status, and Aro didn't see it. He failed to grasp the painful epiphany I had come to in 1930: that although the elixir of human blood granted power, to the power-hungry, it could never be enough. Unfortunately, Aro would always be left dissatisfied. His thirst would never quench and his appetite for power would only grow. In a world of diversity and deceit there could be no omniscience.

"No thank you," Alice told him swiftly. Aro's expectations sank very slightly, but he had obviously been expecting to be declined. The Etruscan's spirit did not fail. He was old and he was patient. He could wait.

"And you, Bella?" He asked, raising one eyebrow in question. Even as he said it, he spoke the words slowly, always aware of the show he was creating for his enraptured audience. Of course, his guards did not disappoint. The shocked silence I hissed and seethed into was enough to speak volumes of intrigue.

"What?" Caius asked flatly, finally breaking through the mixed reactions of shock, excitement and rage.

"Caius, surely you see the potential," Aro wheedled with a shake of his head. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

I gritted my teeth together in anger. Caius might not see it, but Aro was imagining the possibilities quite clearly in his mind. I didn't like what I saw there. My Bella in a grey cloak… blood red, emotionless eyes and a sinister smile… How _dare_ he compare my angel to his monsters?

Caius frowned and shrugged caustically. Jane too, was not impressed.

_The wine she drinks is made of grapes_, Jane thought scathingly, and I recognised the Shakespeare quote to be an insult. _She's completely ordinary. Pathetic. Unworthy._

Bella suddenly piped up timidly from my side. "No, thank you," she said in her soft, sweet voice.

Aro sighed and for the first time his patient, confident mind swayed. "That's unfortunate. Such a waste," he said, thinking sadly of Bella's undoubtedly imminent death.

Felix's wishes were, in that moment, within reach. I was abruptly furious.

"Join or die, is that it?" I hissed, enraged. "I suspected as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for your laws."

Aro's eyes bugged slightly. I inwardly cursed myself. Despite my attempts to keep composure, I had slipped. My words – although carefully measured – had been hostile. I snapped my teeth together, irate, but not wishing to offer any more accusation to spur on my trial.

_Demand me nothing; what you know, you know. From this time forth I never will speak a word._

I shuddered in memory as the familiar reply to Iago's famous words came to mind: _torments will ope your lips._

"Of course not," Aro said in reply to my slip with quiet indignation, "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

"Aro," Caius hissed, speaking up suddenly, "The law claims them."

I saw now that I had been a fool. I had concentrated so hard on Aro's thoughts and intentions that I had completely missed what should have been obvious. After all, Aro was not the only man in charge here. Caius and Marcus both held power in this fortress too, although Marcus had long since lost the will to care about such matters. But where my attention had been focused on Aro, drawn to the theatrical exuberance in which he displayed himself, I had forgotten to take Caius' quiet calculation into account. And whereas Aro liked to bend his own rules to suit himself, Caius would have no such thing.

Still, I could see a fatal flaw in the validity of his accusation, and I was determined to bring the corruption of his ways out into the open.

"How so?" I demanded pointedly.

Caius scowled and the movement made the papery, brittle quality of his skin stretch gaunt over his cheeks. He raised one finger in the direction of my Bella. "She knows too much," he growled menacingly, revealing the true anger beneath his bored exterior for the first time. "You have exposed our secrets."

I smirked – this was what I had been expecting. "There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I reminded him. I knew from her thoughts that Gianna was just one of many.

"Yes," he said with a smile. His face was not used to such an expression, it seemed, and the end result was frightening – perhaps even more so than the frown. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

I said nothing. I knew that his argument was solid. He had won.

"I wouldn't-" My Bella began, but Caius glared, swiftly cutting across her, as though he had heard nothing.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us," he continued in a professional, detached tone. "Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

He was mocking me, taunting me with his victory, and it was clear that there was no escape from this final blow. I bared my teeth angrily, which only spurred his triumph.

"That's what I thought," he said smugly.

"Unless…" Aro wheedled unhappily from his corner. "Unless you _do_ intend to give her immortality?"

If the situation had not been so dire, I would have laughed at how pitifully hopeful he sounded with the question. I saw that he did not want Bella to die. He did see it as a waste – a tremendous waste. But unlike me, he did not see it as a waste of her humanity. No. Not that.

I pursed my lips, considering. There it was again – that tiny opening in the clouds. There was a light at the end of our tunnel, if only we could reach it. I couldn't seem too eager – Aro would know straight away that it was all just a ploy – but if I told them that I was considering it… would they allow us our leave?

"And… if I do?" I asked Aro, turning slowly to face him. I showed no expression. I put up my mask – the very same mask I had used to shield my emotions from Bella six months prior to this day.

Aro smiled. He liked this turn of conversation a lot more. "Why then, you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle," he said. And then he raised one papery, thin hand before him, and his thoughts grew darker. "But I'm afraid you would have to mean it."

And just like that, we were trapped again. Caius grinned. He saw victory in our doom.

I was utterly lost. I couldn't possibly reveal my innermost thoughts to Aro – the plotting, the hatred, the unease. Over the last few hours, I had collected enough information about his guard to know exactly how to squirm my way out of the mess I had made. There were my observations of Jane and Demetri… the careful studies I had made of Aro and Marcus… I couldn't possibly let Aro find his way inside my mind.

There was a greater dilemma too. I knew that I could not back up my reckless words from before, but my hesitance would reveal as much as my thoughts. I looked down at my Bella, hopelessly.

What I saw there gave me no doubt in my mind that I was as monstrous as I had always suspected. I caught a dozen emotions flickering in the warm candlelight of her eyes: fright, unease, anger, concern, anxiety, hope, trust… maybe even love. But the most prominent pierced my resolve as I realised that was directed at myself. Hurt.

I had left her, shunned her, refused her. And in doing so, I had left a mark. I had hurt her.

"Mean it," she whispered, speaking directly to me for the first time since our bittersweet reunion outside in the sunlight. "_Please_."

The pain and sadness in her tone and expression crippled me.

The truth was, I didn't know. I didn't know what I wanted. I wasn't aware of anything but my own ingrained desire to escape, to protect. Over the last hour, my thoughts and beliefs, had been completely ripped up. The delicate embroidery of my own beliefs and ideals – which I'd held so close for over a century – was now shredded. I had thought Bella dead, only to find her arms embracing me in my moment of weakness. I had thought myself in heaven, only to be brought back to Earth, and then down into the hell I was experiencing now.

I had thought myself willing to spend my life away from Bella, only to have the reality of her mortal weakness present itself to me in full.

I didn't know anything anymore.

As I was drowning in my own inner turmoil, I became aware of a lithe movement next to me. Alice, sensing my own troubled future, danced forward to give her own interpretation to Aro.

_NO!_

I had to stop her, to hold her back with words or actions, but although Alice was no mind reader, she slipped past my searching fingers with a quick turn, having seen my movement in her own way. Aro's cloudy, dull eyes flickered with light as he watched Alice draw closer in eager anticipation.

She reached his side, and they both held up their hands at the same moment. Aro closed his eyes and lowered his head as their skin met.

I clenched my teeth together in shock at what he saw.

Aro took his time. The memories he picked out were specifically related to Alice's gift – anything else was marked as irrelevant and thrown to the side. There was Alice's first memory of her awakening… her first vision of Jasper, and then her second vision of myself and our family… a quick-moving storyboard of our lives together started to form – he saw us enrolled in our first school, and our second… how we worked Alice's visions to our advantage and all the secret conversations Alice and I had shared… and then he saw Bella. My dear, sweet Bella through Alice's loving eyes as she watched us grow closer, watched her visions of us take shape…

He sped up suddenly, anxious to get to the information he wanted now. I caught only glimpses of Alice's separation from Bella and myself – a street sign signalling the way to Biloxi… an abandoned building on the outskirts of a bustling city... and then we were here, racing towards Volterra, and Alice's visions changed. One minute Bella's life was in complete turmoil, and the next…

The next, Alice's old vision of Bella as a strong, beautiful newborn was back in place where it had once proudly stood at the foreground of her mind. But this time, there was no second vision. This time, I did not kill her.

There was no mistaking Bella's path. As of now, it would not be diverted. Not now.

_Bella…_

Aro tried to pinpoint the change, and I watched with equal amounts of anticipation and dread as he narrowed Alice's vision down to the moment I'd opened my eyes to her in the square. Of course, there were the other visions – visions of us all being mutilated at the hands of his guards, for instance, but Aro didn't dwell on that. It was Bella's final fate that was of real importance, and it looked as though as long as things remained as they were now, Bella would be one of us soon.

I tried to feel something. Anything. I looked down at her curious, living face, and just tried to feel. It didn't matter what. Just as long as I could feel something. Fear, regret… even hope. But I was numb. The shock – or maybe the confliction buried deep within my chest – had my mind whirling with thoughts, but my emotions were still and silent.

The Bella in Alice's vision looked so similar to the Bella by my side, but which did I want? I knew the answer to that: I'd take either. As long as it was Bella, I'd want her. But was there no chance of saving her soul in the meantime?

Aro's eyes opened, and he grinned unabashedly at my sister's relieved face.

"That was fascinating!" He cried in excitement, with a bubbly surge of laugher.

Alice smiled in victory. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

He shook his head in admiration and wonder. "To see the things you've seen," he breathed joyfully, "Especially the ones that haven't happened yet!"

"But that will," Alice assured him in a calm, persuasive tone.

"Yes, yes," Aro agreed, his mind still reeling from the new information he had collected from Alice's mind. "It's quite determined! Certainly, there's no problem."

In his state of excitement, even Aro failed to realise that things could be changed. I, on the other hand, was searching desperately for the answer I wanted… the way to save my Bella from destruction…

"Aro," Caius whined, sounding very much like a five-year-old boy rather than an elder of Volterra. Jane too, stuck her bottom lip out in a childish pout, and Felix humph-ed depressingly.

"Dear Caius," Aro intoned in a sickly sweet tone, "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household… besides, I'm terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

I couldn't muster up the energy to feel alarmed by these revealing truths of Aro's outlook. I was still pinned in place by what I had seen through Alice's eyes. Was there really no hope? Would every turn I made bring Bella to the same haunting fate as I myself had endured? Had my own selfish decision to keep her sealed her future, or could she still be saved?

_Edward_, Alice thought, in an almost childish whine. _Stop jumbling up my vision. I have to concentrate here…_

"Then are we free to go?" I asked evenly. Now at least, that Aro had been properly convinced, I could see that our path was clear for escape. We could leave Volterra and be back home in Forks within twenty-four hours.

Forks. Home. God, how I'd missed it. More than I'd believed possible. Forks did not only hold Bella, but my memories – the happiest moments of my life were contained within that small, insignificant town. I felt the first true wave of happiness wash over me as I recalled these memories. I was going _home_…

"Yes, yes," Aro said pleasantly. "But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius warned, and the hope I'd felt was immediately dispelled. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances."

I shuddered. Even without the visuals Caius' mind thought up for me, his words were menacing enough. I nodded once, quickly. It would do no good to disagree.

Caius smirked, smug in his authority, and drifted back to join Marcus.

Marcus…

The broken man did not raise his eyes to meet mine. I felt another surge of pity as I caught the direction his musings had taken him in. The tall, billowy young woman with wide, warm eyes and an always ready smile…

A long, disparaging groan brought me back from my thoughts. The guards were getting hungry.

"Ah, Felix," Aro sighed in amusement, "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

Felix groaned again, and looked towards the girl tucked under my arm with what I saw to be too much longing for my liking. His earlier fantasies swarmed through both his thoughts and mine.

"Hmm. In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later," I said quickly. Not only did I not want Bella to be around when these vampires gave in to the hunger they had been suppressing since she arrived, but I had seen in their minds what tonight's meal would consist of. This was to be a feast to rival that of the festival outside. And it was not something I would like Bella to bear witness to.

"Yes, that's a good idea," Aro said swiftly, not liking the idea of his new prize being massacred so soon. "Accidents do happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

"Of course," I said quickly, even as my heart fell at the thought of spending any longer in this hellhole. I knew Aro's suggestion was wise, though. How would we possibly escape from the city while it was still so bright with sunlight?

"And here," Aro crowed, an idea forming in his mind, as he beckoned to Felix. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

With that, he unfastened the long grey cloak from Felix's shoulders and swept it elegantly from the guard's neck. Felix said nothing, but his mind was suddenly full of fear. What did this mean? Was he being dismissed? Rage flew up – he glared at me with undisguised hatred as Aro threw me the expensive woollen cloak.

Resisting the urge to roll my eyes at both Felix and Aro, I swung the cloak around my bare shoulders, where it hung loosely down to my knees. I couldn't help but note that Aro had deliberately chosen one that would fit me perfectly, and the joy that rose in Aro's mind could have rivalled that of a joy created by Jasper himself.

"It _suits_ you!" He all but sang the words.

I simply laughed with dark amusement at his enthusiasm.

_Oh_, Alice thought, her eyes glazing over as she sensed a new arrival to our party. _Edward, we don't have long. Heidi is coming…_

My amusement died abruptly and I looked over my shoulder as footsteps began sounding above. The chatter of English tourists was slowly but steadily approaching the chamber.

"Thank you, Aro," I said quickly, my hand resting impatiently on Bella's waist. "We'll wait below."

Aro waved a hand to Demetri, and the guard understood his order immediately.

_Demetri will escort you out,_ Aro thought, giddy to be communicating using my power. "Goodbye, young friends!"

_Seventeen seconds and counting, Edward_. Alice told me. _We have to move_.

"Let's go," I announced, steering Bella towards the door Demetri beckoned us to with a newly swift force.

Alice joined us, protectively staying close to Bella's other side, but even as the seconds counted down in her head, we heard the chatter of unsuspecting sightseers approaching.

"Not fast enough," she breathed.

A few gushing tourists made bland comments from the other side of the door. I could hear their heartbeats. Smell their excitement.

We were too late.

The herds of tourists were arriving for their slaughter, and we had left it too late to leave. Now Bella would see the true nature of our kind… I could only hope that before her terror was over, she would allow me to beg for forgiveness once more.

"Welcome, guests!" Aro cried excitedly, ever the gracious host. "Welcome to Volterra!"

An American couple pushed their way through the ancient doors, and smiled uneasily at him. He practically beamed in response, all the while breathing in their scents. As yet more tourists piled in, the scent became overwhelming… there must have been forty, maybe even fifty altogether, and their bodies glowed fresh in the dank room.

One woman in particular stood out from the mass.

She was very small – just slightly taller than Alice – but also very old. Her dress was old-fashioned for the times. She looked like she could have been a traveller, or perhaps a seer woman. Her skin was black, stretched over her bones, and her long, greying hair was piled up in a peculiar fashion atop her head, which only served to reveal the skin of her neck.

"Raúl!" She cried, "Raúl … Perdone, pero por favor, ¿Ha visto a Raúl?" She looked nervously around her peers as she searched for her _Raúl_, noticing perhaps, for the first time, something that the others had not yet realised… the darkness… the cold chill… the pale, hungry creatures in the shadows…

"Esa gente no es gente," she whimpered, slowly withdrawing a rosary from within the folds of her dress. "¡Ellos son los hijos del demonio! Frío...tan frío...¡Ellos pertenecen a la muerte misma! Oh señor, ¡Esta habitación! ¡Esta habitación apesta a muerte! Señor ten piedad...Señor perdona … Raúl! Raúl! ¿Alguien ha visto a mi Raúl?!"

I noticed that Bella had turned to watch the woman, and I pressed her face into my chest discretely. The last words of an innocent victim were not something I wanted her to hear, no matter if she recognised the language or not.

But Bella trembled slightly against my chest, and I feared that she already understood far too much.

"Padre nuestro, que estás en los cielos, santificado sea tu nombre," the woman continued in prayer, her words still pouring out in a terrified, nonsensical Spanish jumble. "Santificado sea tu nombre … santificado sea tu nombre … venga a nosotros tu reino …"

A large English tourist stumbled and knocked the old woman – Natalia – from the side. The rosary slipped from her hands and she hastened to keep a hold on it, as though through her faith alone, she could stop her fate.

"Raúl!" She cried once more. Who was Raúl? A husband or a son? Her thoughts were too panicked for me to ever know for sure.

_Edward, let's go!_ Alice thought, sensing a break in the crowd just moments before it appeared. Heeding her pleas, I pushed my way through, still holding Bella tightly against my side. Alice followed quickly behind us, her face grim.

_We have to leave,_ she warned. _They will begin very soon. As soon as Heidi enters we should go…Demetri will lead us away._

I gave her one sharp, grateful nod and surveyed the ornate corridor for this Heidi I had heard so much about. I didn't have to search for long – the last tourists had gone through and now there was only one woman facing us curiously. Demetri whistled from behind us and she sent a wink in his direction – the movement slightly dislodged the blue contact lens she was wearing, and revealed the red irises beneath.

I scrunched my nose in distaste as I took in her appearance. This wasn't beauty. This was an attempt to adhere to the common but foolish belief that any woman wearing a miniskirt and a tight-fitting T-shirt could be desirable.

"Demetri," she breathed, her voice silky and low. Demetri's mind wavered, eyes drawn to her exposed thighs, and with difficulty, I forced myself not to throttle him where he stood. A massacre was about to take place inches away from Bella's eyes, and we were being delayed because Demetri wanted to flirt?

"Nice fishing," he commented, leering at the ridiculous outfit Heidi wore. She smiled back, charmed by his approval.

"Thanks. Aren't you coming?"

Demetri sighed, breathing in the sweet fragrance longingly.

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

I didn't wait to hear Heidi's reply as I pushed my way past the vampire in our path. She stepped away with a curious glance at Bella, but we were already halfway down the hall when I heard the door close shut. Try as I may, I couldn't shut out the last words of the intuitive Spanish woman from behind us.

"Líbranos de todo mal," she begged quietly, though the Lord's prayer would do her no good now. I only hoped her heaven would be as blissful as mine had been. "Líbranos de todo mal…"

I clutched Bella tighter to my chest as Natalia clutched her rosary ever tighter to her throat.

"No! No!" She pleaded, and I saw through her mind as Heidi grabbed her tightly by the arm with a grin. "Raúl! Raúl, mi amor, ¿Dónde estás?"

Cries rose in the air, and I heard a soft clatter as we turned the corner. In Natalia's mind and eyes, I saw the rosary fall to the floor.

Not one second later, the first drop of blood stained the sacred wood.

* * *

A/N: First of all, thanks so much to Nat for your help with the Spanish in this chapter. You rock. Hope you don't mind that I stole your name for the woman with the rosary!

A few people were asking how long this story is going to be - let me clarify. I'll be continuing this until the end of New Moon. I've worked it all out, and it should be about ten chapters, give or take. I think it'll probably be a few more though - I have a tendency to ramble on and on in my fics. Also, some of you might have noticed the changes I've made to the chapter names. It's not a big change, I just decided I didn't like the titles, so I came up with some new ones. There's only so many "Death somethings" I can think of before it gets too repetitive.

My emails are finally working again, so feel free to PM me or leave as many reviews as you want! I love hearing from you guys. Another thing people have asked me about is the drabbles I mentioned in the A/N of the first chapter. I've decided that since I write far too many drabbles, and I don't want to clutter up people's inboxes with rubbish, I'll just be posting them on my livejournal, not here.

A couple of weeks ago, I was interviewed by The Lazy Yet Discerning Ficster blog. They're awesome and I mentioned this story in the interview, so head down there if you're interested. Link is up on my profile.

Reviews are the best kind of inspiration to get my muses off their lazy butts. Just sayin'…


	5. Flight

_Journeys end in lovers' meeting; every wise man's son doth know._

-Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, Act 2 Scene 3

* * *

Flight

I ignored Demetri's glee as he guided us towards the waiting room above their cruel feast. The screams and cries of their prey were long behind us now, and all was silent, save for the ridiculous music spouting from hidden speakers in the ceiling. The walls of these rooms were obviously very well insulated – or perhaps the stifling silence was due to the sudden lack of heartbeats from below.

I shook my head. The calm, sophisticated way they dealt with their crimes only served to make it all the more sickening to me.

"Do not leave until after dark," Demetri commanded of us when we arrived upstairs. I nodded harshly and he swept away, anxious to get back to the massacre below.

As soon as he disappeared into the darkness, I turned to the beautiful girl beside me.

"Are you all right?" I asked, examining her pale face. She didn't appear to hear me. Her glassy eyes stared unseeingly into my shoulder. Her entire frame shook violently against me, and when she opened her lips, all that issued from between them was a broken, strangled cry.

"Bella?"

No reply. She was quivering beneath my elbow, but when I made to release her, I found her hands were gripping the borrowed cloak too tightly, as she gasped for her breath in the cool, air-conditioned room. I prised them easily but gently away and tucked her hands into my own.

"Bella?" I tried again, anxiously.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice advised, with a nod towards the plush, silky sofas opposite Gianna's desk. "She's going to pieces."

A tear raced down Bella's cheek, followed quickly by another. Soon, the tracks they made were indistinguishable from the torrent pouring from her eyes. She let out another rasping cry and I longed to take everything back – I wished, not for the first time, that I'd never come to Volterra. If I were still drowning in my misery in Brazil, all would be well. Bella would not be crying, and we would be safe. She need not know of the horrors of my world… need not have witnessed the herding of human cattle to the slaughter down below…

Another wailing sob echoed through the room, and Bella's shaking grew.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I soothed, trying to guide her towards the sofa Alice had indicated. She didn't seem to want to move.

"I think she's having hysterics," Alice said unhelpfully. "Maybe you should slap her."

I glared at her frantically. Bella had just witnessed an appalling display of indifference to humankind. She'd seen and heard the dying moments of so many of her people. What if she never recovered from this trauma?

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I chanted. With little effort, I half-carried her shaking body to the sofa and pulled her onto my lap. Almost instinctively, she curled into the stone crevices of my body and I closed my eyes in bliss. I'd forgotten how good she felt moulded to my side…

"Shh," I whispered in her ear. "It's all right, Bella. Everything's okay. I'm here."

Whether or not she could hear me through her choking, I felt her body's trembles slow. I opened my eyes to see her tears lessening.

"A-all those people," she wailed suddenly. I bowed my head in regret.

"I know," I told her. Natalia's last moments were vivid behind my eyes once more.

"It's s-so _horrible_."

I cupped my hand around her neck, and brought her shaking head to rest upon my chest. She complied easily, and I felt her wet tears seep through the material of Felix's cloak.

"Yes, it is," I said sorrowfully. "I wish you hadn't had to see that."

Bella took a deep, calming breath and I heard her heartbeat slow as she wiped her eyes on the cloak. I tried not to dwell on her warm, tiny hands clutching at my chest, and failed miserably.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Gianna's cheerful voice sang from behind us. I turned to glare at her.

"No," I told her shortly, eyes narrowing as she eyed Bella curiously. Gianna's interest grew though she was piqued with my short rebuttal. But she simply nodded and walked away, faux smile still in place. Gianna was good at her job, very good indeed.

"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella demanded in a surprisingly fierce tone, given her understandable breakdown just moments before.

"Yes. She knows everything," I said, unwillingly. I didn't like my Bella asking about Gianna. There was a cruelty in the vain woman's mind that I prayed my angel would never be subjected to.

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She knows it's a possibility," I told her. Bella looked surprised, and I chose my next words carefully. After all, Bella herself had once expressed a wish similar to Gianna's…

But I doubted Bella's view of immortality was ever as callous as Gianna's. In that very moment, Gianna was thinking about those poor tourists she'd just directed through to the feasting chamber. And imagining the taste. Picturing herself as a beautiful, immortal demi-goddess, part of the imperial Volturi's guard. Wondering what it would feel like to have such power in her hands… the snap of a muscular man's neck and the elixir of his blood reviving her strength…

"She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

Bella's cheeks paled at my words. "She wants to be one of them?"

I nodded, suddenly afraid. Bella's eyes were wide with horror… revulsion. I'd assumed from her pleading words in Aro's presence that she'd wanted immortality with me still, but looking at her now…

"How can she want that?" Bella whispered. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that_?"

Bella's voice broke on her last word, and pain jolted through my body at her words. I felt my heart plummet down into my stomach; felt the hole in my chest start to bleed once more. This was a pain far worse than the illusion Jane provoked. Bella had finally seen the true monstrosity behind my kind, and she hated it. Bella hated me. Bella was going to leave me.

_Oh, God. Oh, God no. No._

Bella frowned, reaching forward to touch my face with one slender, warm hand. Could she see the longing behind my carefully composed expression? Would she pull away from the filthy creature she had finally realised I was? Was she about to tell me now that there was no hope for reconciliation? I braced myself for the wrath I knew I was about to incur.

And then she burst into tears again.

"Oh, Edward!" She sobbed, clutching my arm as her entire body shook in a disjointed rhythm to her pounding heartbeat.

I sighed – half-relived that in her anguish she had pulled me closer, but also dreading the moment she pulled away.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, worriedly. I wrapped my arms around her tiny form and stroked her back in what I hoped was a soothing manner. Her own arms wrapped themselves around my neck – I could feel her pulse through the skin of her wrists and I revelled in the fiery warmth burning through my own dead flesh.

"I-is it really sick for me to be h-happy now?" She asked me, through tears.

Oh, Bella. I pulled her closer – as close as I could possibly allow – until I could feel her chest moving up and down against my own with her ragged breaths. Her heart seemed so close to me in that moment, that for a split second, I felt as human as she herself was.

"I know exactly what you mean," I told her truthfully. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes," she breathed. Her warm breath ignited the fires beneath my chest once more. "That's a good one."

"And together," I added, lightly.

Bella hesitated, then nodded, almost unwillingly. I waited in trepidation for a reply that did not come.

"And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow," I added lightly, reverting back to my original words, since it was clear that Bella was happier for us to be alive than together.

"Hopefully," was her only reply. I fought back the pain as my doubt in her affections grew. My head was spinning. One moment Bella had seemed comforted by my presence, and the next, she was miserable again. How I longed to hear what she was thinking. What did Bella think of me now?

"The outlook is quite good," Alice piped up happily from beside us. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours."

Lucky Alice, I thought. She could trust her future.

I turned back to Bella with a reassuring smile, but she seemed oddly forlorn at this good news. At the sight of her unhappy eyes, I forgot my own misery. I brushed her hair back from her face, trying to identify the cause of her sadness.

I studied her carefully, and she appeared to do the same. Her doe eyes were round in her face, swimming with yet more unshed tears. Her hair was greasy, unwashed and straggly as it hung forward to curtain her face from Gianna, still watching us from the sidelines. Her shoulders sagged forward, her whole body hunching in on itself in an instinctive attempt to protect. She was beautiful, but it was clear that the last few days had taken their toll on her. When was the last time she slept, ate, washed?

"You look so tired," I whispered, half-unwilling to disturb the delicate silence that had settled over us. I tenderly traced the purple bruises under her eyelids. Pale and beautiful as she was, she could have passed for one of my own kind, had it not been for the steady beats of her heart, the depths of her wide, coco brown eyes…

"And you look thirsty," she whispered back, her forehead creasing with worry as she leant forward, eyes burning into my own.

She was worried. Was she afraid I would harm her in my thirst for blood?

I shrugged. "It's nothing," I told her, even as my throat burned behind my breath. But the burn was unimportant. There was another burn, its fires more deadly, threatening to overwhelm. It resided in my stomach, churning, unravelling, getting warmer every second she lay in my arms… my body's hunger for Bella far out-burnt any desire I might have once had for her blood.

"Are you sure?" She asked shyly. "I could sit with Alice…" The suggestion had been phrased as a question, each syllable getting quieter and more unenthusiastic.

I relaxed once more. I understood now. My silly, lovable Bella was not concerned for herself – it was my own grievances she was considering. Nonetheless, I would surely rather die than let her leave my arms right now. If she asked for freedom, could I let her go? I was doubtful.

"Don't be ridiculous," I told her, speaking lowly into her pale cheek, "I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now."

I felt, rather than saw, the rosy blush rise. Bella said nothing, curled up in my arms, but I longed to know what she was thinking, what caused such an unruly human reaction. Once again, I fought in vain to lift the veil her thoughts lay behind, but her mind was as impenetratable as ever.

"I should probably telephone the airport, I suppose," Alice said with a quiet tranquillity in her tone. "We'll have to get two planes again. We arrived here via New York, but maybe this time it would be better to find a larger Italian airport… what do you think, Edward? Which flights did you take?"

I stiffened, and Alice immediately caught wind of the direction my thoughts had taken me.

_It's okay. If… if you'd rather not think of… that time… I understand…_

"To be completely honest, Alice, I'm not sure which airports I stopped at on my way here," I admitted, slightly shamefully. "We'll do what you think is best."

Alice nodded, her mind reeling with unspoken curiosity.

"I'll have to steal another car," She mused. "A nice one. I just hope the Porsche is still available."

"Porsche?" I asked, before delving into her mind and laughing aloud at what I saw there. Of course. Leave it to Alice to steal a _bright yellow 911 Turbo_ of all cars.

"Did you pick the most conspicuous car you could find?" I chuckled.

Alice said nothing – instead, she focused on my words, my face. A grin spread over her own face in response.

"What?" I asked with a frown.

_Bella said almost the exact same thing to me, just this morning. And you're smiling again. Laughing. After all that's happened over the last few hours, it's nice to see._

"I wouldn't speak too soon if I were you," I warned her under my breath. My mood instantly turned sour again at the reminder of what had recently occurred. I looked to Bella for comfort, and was gratified immediately through those beautiful brown eyes.

_It's not too soon. They won't harm us, Edward. The Volturi have more on their minds than Bella – she'll be perfectly safe for the next few decades._

"And anyway," Alice continued confidently. "Now that I've given Aro absolute proof of our futures, I'm sure there will be no problem."

"That was dangerous," I chided her absently – my mind was only half-focused on the conversation, absorbed as I was in scrutinising every last detail of Bella's face as I gently brushed a stray hair behind her ear. "You knew how interested he was in you, and you showed him your power anyway."

Alice snorted.

_I know it was rash, but we had no choice. Your opinion on the subject was far too complicated – we'd have been stuck in there for days if you had answered him. Besides, we made it out of there in the end, didn't we?_

"It was close," I rationalised. "There were a million different paths we could have taken in that room. You were extremely lucky."

"I know," she replied simply. "Sometimes the future isn't as clear as we'd like it to be. Sometimes, we have to make decisions based on instinct rather than intuition."

We paused, both of us thinking about what could have happened downstairs, but afraid of speaking the words aloud. We would have to tackle the memories later. It would do no good to bottle our fear away.

I curled another lock of Bella's hair around my finger, revelling in the smooth texture… the perfect scent…

As the conversation dwindled, something strange happened. Alice's mind had been drifting through the endless possibilities of our fates, but now her thoughts turned to the information Aro had drawn from her mind. I saw once again, a street sign to Biloxi. But there were new images too – from a distance I saw an elderly woman, clutching a walking frame… a ramshackle old building on a rundown street corner… the video recorder that the villainous James had left as his legacy…

"What was all that talk about singers?" Alice asked abruptly. I frowned, but Alice had forced the thoughts from her mind, and was now stubbornly re-playing our conversation with Aro in her head.

Hmm. It seemed that there was yet more I had to discuss with Alice.

"_La tua cantante_," I said softly, rising to her bait.

"Yes, that," Alice said, now concentrating on the words Aro had spoken in his Italian tongue. Beside me, Bella's head perked up interestedly. The movement caused her succulent scent to swirl through the air, and I breathed it in, inhaling greedily.

"They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me," I said, speaking slower and louder on Bella's behalf. "They call her my _singer_ – because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed at that – all thoughts of whatever was in Biloxi were gone from her mind as she recalled Aro's words with amusement.

Bella nuzzled her chin further into my shoulder, tilting her head to look me in the eyes. A gorgeous pink blush ghosted over her cheek, inches away from my lips, and the burn within my chest flickered once more. I wanted to kiss that cheek. Would she let me?

Alice flipped open her phone and began dialling away – contacting the airport in Rome. I blotted out her chatter and focused on the angel beside me.

She looked so beautiful, so innocent… but what was that I saw in her eyes? Anticipation or fear?

I leaned in slowly, and she froze.

I placed a soft, lingering kiss on her temple.

Fire raged beneath my lips – I'd forgotten how good it felt to kiss her skin. She was so very soft, so very warm. With a flash of pain, I recalled the very last time I'd kissed her like this – it was in the forest, as I told her goodbye…

"_Wait!" She choked out, extending one arm. _

_I saw that gesture as an offering. She was letting me come back, back into the arms of heaven. There was no Saint Peter, no gates, just Bella's warm arms, loving and trusting._

_Could I do it? Accept this heaven, when deep down I knew I belonged in the pits of hell?_

_I took one last stride towards her and pinned her arms down to her sides. Shutting the gates. Closing myself off from the heaven she offered one last time._

_I kissed her forehead gently, where her captivating silent mind lay. I prayed that it would forget about me soon enough for her to make the most of her life._

"_Take care of yourself." I managed to say, breathing in her scent as it ensnared me once more._

_And then I ran. Ran away from heaven and back into hell where I belonged._

I sighed as I leant away, remembering that last kiss. I had thought it to be final, and yet here I was, kissing her forehead once more. But would this kiss be final too?

Alice hung up with a satisfied smirk.

"Our flights are booked," she announced. "I let Jasper know where we'll be – he's been trying to get hold of me for hours. I told him when we'll be arriving in Seattle. They'll all be there to welcome us home."

_Rosalie too._ She warned me silently. _Is that okay?_

I growled lowly.

"Edward, have a heart," Alice said sternly. "I'm angry with her too, but from what Jasper says, she truly does regret it."

"You don't understand," I hissed through clenched teeth. "You didn't hear her. The way she was speaking… as if it didn't _matter_…"

"I know. But it's all okay now, Edward. She's fine."

"No thanks to Rosalie," I countered. I knew it was wrong of me to say such a thing – Bella's danger was as much my fault as it was Rosalie's – but she still infuriated me. I needed someone else to blame. The thought that I was almost responsible for Bella's death crippled me.

_Edward, it's okay._ Alice reassured, obviously sensing my internal struggle._ We're going to be fine. And Bella's alive, in your arms. I'll leave if you want some time alone together…_

I shook my head infinitesimally. I trusted Alice's visions, but I couldn't let her wander off in the middle of the Volturi's main chambers! Jasper would never forgive me. And besides, I still didn't have a clue how Bella felt about any of this. A few hours ago, I had been sure that she still loved me. She had jumped off a cliff to end the suffering I had caused by abandoning her. But now… now, I had no idea. She claimed to have jumped from a cliff _for fun_. That wasn't my Bella… what if she had changed too much in the past six months for me to hold any interest for her? What if she was angry with me for endangering her life, _again_?

_Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds_, I reminded myself. I only hoped Bella believed the same thing. I pressed another kiss to her head, absently. She didn't cringe away from my lips, I noted. But she didn't respond to my touch, either.

Time seemed to trickle away at an impossible rate. I found myself gazing into Bella's eyes – rememorizing every last detail I could see – and found that time passed exceptionally quickly when I did so. But every so often, Alice would think of another complication in our path and I would spend agonisingly long minutes fretting over our survival.

It was much later when I finally dragged myself back to reality. We were still underground and the bright, gaudy lights hanging from the ceiling were artificial as everything else in the room, so I couldn't be at all sure of the time of day. All I knew was that the sun must have finally sunk below the horizon, because I heard a gentle tapping of small feet moving steadily towards us. Seconds later, I became aware of a sharp, cruel mind growing closer. From the darkness, Alec appeared before us.

"You're free to leave now," he told us, pleasantly. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

"That won't be a problem," I told him coldly. I had every intention of getting Bella out of Volterra as quickly as possible.

Alec cast one final critiquing eye over Bella as she passed.

_Bella, indeed_, he thought dryly. _What beauty there is in her name obviously does not correspond to her features. Maybe when she is one of us…_

I arched an eyebrow at him, just daring him to continue that particular line of thought. Alec simply smiled in reply, and departed from our company. Once he was completely out of sight, Gianna flittered up to us and recited directions learnt from memory. Alice gave her one long, disparaging look. I saw her future through Alice's eyes, but Gianna had chosen her fate. It was too late to reprimand her for her stupidity.

We left via the same lobby through which I had arrived. The _tourist's_ entrance.

Bella craned her head for one last glance, but I did not look back.

_Stay with Bella_, Alice ordered, once we were out of sight of the towering castle. I saw the plans she hurriedly made in her mind. _Meet me at the city gates. I'll be waiting._

I nodded, and she disappeared with a lithe glide into the shadows.

As if heralded by the setting sun, the nightlife of the city had awakened along the jostling streets. Men and women paraded around in long, flowing capes not dissimilar to my own. I passed a drunken young man chewing on the corner of his fake fangs and suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.

"Ridiculous," I muttered.

We walked along in silence, and though I occasionally felt a shiver run through Bella's body, she said nothing about our predicament. It was only when she noticed Alice's disappearance that she appeared truly frightened.

"Where's Alice?" She asked, panicked. I hastened to soothe her. It was her own safety, not Alice's, that she should be concerned for now.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning," I explained, and I felt Bella relax in my arms.

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" Bella asked, with a trace of her old humour in her tone. I grinned at her astuteness.

"Not until we're outside."

We hurried through the dangerous streets, but with Bella's tired, sluggish pace it felt as though we were walking for millennia. I laughed, partly in relief, but also with true humour as we reached a dark car waiting in the shadows of the city's gates. Alice was sitting in the front seat, nose wrinkled up in distaste as she eyed the dashboard. It wasn't as new – or fast – as the model she had been hoping for.

"I'm sorry," she said, as I slid in the backseat, so as to be as close to Bella as possible. Alice sounded truly horrified at the prospect of driving to the airport in _this_ car. "There wasn't much to choose from."

"It's fine, Alice. They can't all be 911 Turbos," I told her, as she thought longingly back to the car she had stolen for their arrival.

She sighed. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

"I'll get you one for Christmas," I promised, sensing the opportunity to make amends with my favourite sister.

Alice beamed, and I could see the beginnings of reconciliation in her eyes.

"Yellow," she reminded me. I smiled and turned my attentions back to the angel in my arms. She was still gazing up at me with those tired, wary eyes. I tucked the borrowed cloak around her body as best as I could.

"You can sleep now, Bella," I soothed. "It's over."

I ha meant my words to be reassuring, but if anything, they had the opposite effect. Bella's eyes widened in fear and a flicker of despair shot through her features. I'd only seen Bella in such pain once before: on the sixteenth of September, last year.

"I don't want to sleep," she said quickly. "I'm not tired."

Her eyelids drooped as she spoke the obvious lie.

"Try," I encouraged.

She shook her head, adamantly.

I sighed. "You're still just as stubborn," I told her. I couldn't keep the affectionate tone from seeping through my disapproval.

True to her word, Bella did not fall asleep once. She spent the car journey resting by my side, eyes wide open and interlocking with mine. I spent the journey completely entranced by the vision before me, the way passing streetlamps glowed amber against her skin…

It felt wrong… _impious_ almost, to gaze upon such a sight. I couldn't… couldn't dare to look directly in the face of such beauty. Bella… my sweet, darling Bella, pure and chaste as Artemis the huntress, yet seductive as Aphrodite. But no goddess – neither Artemis nor Aphrodite – could compare to her. Bella was above such comparisons. I'd tried before to express her magnificence in words, and yet, I would keep trying. My attempts were doomed – Bella's perfection was such that no words could come close to describing it adequately.

Time poured through an erroneous hourglass at the wrong pace, once again. Was it possible that we were already in Florence, changing clothes and swapping transport? And barely an hour later, boarding yet another plane in Rome? If Bella felt the same, she did not show it. Through the majority of our journey we maintained our silence. I knew that we would have to speak, and soon. For now though, I was content with simply gazing at her – watching her face light up, then shut down. For now, we let our eyes do the talking. Anything else would be too much, and I would be overcome by the unreality of the past twenty-four hours.

Only once did Bella give any inclination that she was fighting a loosing battle with the sleep she so desperately abstained from. Barely five minutes after we were up in the air, she shyly stopped a young flight attendant passing our aisle. I heard her ask in that soft, meek voice whether refreshments would be served on our flight. Once the woman left, I turned to Bella, immediately on edge.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked her, worried that I was not paying enough attention to her health. "Is it motion sickness? Are you dehydrated?"

Bella shook her head with an amused smile. "No, no," she assured me. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" I asked. She nodded in reply, but neglected to say anything further on the matter until the drinks cart made its way towards our seats.

"Could I have a Coke, please?"

"Bella," I said in an accusatory tone. I understood her intentions immediately, but she needed to rest. Why was she so adamantly against what was good for her?

Bella scowled and paid for the drink anyway. I watched disapprovingly as she flipped the lid open and took a slow, mocking sip from the caffeinated can.

I pursed my lips. She groaned and explained.

"I don't want to sleep," she told me. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

Her confession pierced me, and I cursed myself for being so thoughtless. Of course she would be afraid to sleep – the monsters she'd met today – or rather, yesterday (it was now the early hours of another day) – would be sure to torment her in her dreams. I fondly recalled a time of peace; a time when Bella's dreams revolved around _me_. But that was in the past now. I'd given up that life.

For her.

We were silent for the rest of our journey.

It was early morning when we arrived in Seattle – the sun had set above the customary layer of clouds. The jet-lagged passengers were slow to react to our landing, and Alice was already bouncing excitedly in her seat next to me. She had risked her life to save me in Italy. For her, our arrival back in America was a victory. For me… I wasn't sure what it meant. I couldn't be certain until Bella's thoughts were clear – my fate was so irrevocably entwined with hers.

We saw Jasper first.

He stood alone, peering anxiously over the crowd, mind concentrating on nothing but Alice. I smiled as my over-zealous sister finally calmed, meeting his gaze for the first time since this mess I'd made had begun.

She walked slowly up to him and smiled. They didn't need physical contact to complete the moment – it was all there, in their emotions. Jasper's heart swelled – I caught the love he felt radiating from her in his mind. All other feelings dissipated. All the fear, hurt, loss… gone. All that remained was love. He saw the different types of love they shared – philia, eros, agape, storge. Alice represented everything to him. There was no emotion he could not place with her by his side.

I turned away. The moment was so private, so perfect, that although I couldn't help but intrude, I wished my mind could shut them out. I thought back to my own reunion with Bella – to the uncontrollable bliss I had experienced then. Even marred with the horrors that followed, I knew I would savour that feeling for the rest of my bitter eternity.

Esme and Carlisle waited further on. I noticed Carlisle's arm around Esme's shoulders, in a gesture of comfort. She looked nervous, but as soon as we made our way towards them, she relaxed. Her expression melted into one of terrible relief. I could almost see the tear tracks run down her cheeks, though of course, she could not cry.

With a movement so quick I could barely determine it, Esme had leapt forward and embraced the girl in my arms. With my arm still around Bella, I could feel the gentle yet forceful pressure Esme exuded. When she spoke, the words were delivered with the utmost sincerity, and I smiled when I captured the love radiating from my mother's voice and mind.

"Thank you so much," she whispered in Bella's ear. Then she withdrew, and looked at me with such fury that I was worried for my own safety more in this moment than I had been in Aro's presence last night.

She stepped forward.

I gulped.

She wrapped her arms around my waist.

I relaxed.

"You will _never_ put me through that again," she growled, hugging me fiercely. I hugged her back, breathing in her familiar, motherly scent that had kept me grounded through so many decades of turmoil. _Esme_. I grinned widely. Up until that moment, I hadn't realised just how much I'd missed her.

"Sorry, mom," I said, still beaming. At my words, Esme hugged me still tighter – tight enough to cause physical pain. Still, I didn't mind. Esme was my mother in every sense of the word, and yet I didn't say it nearly enough.

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said sincerely, as Esme finally loosened her grip. "We owe you."

"Hardly," Bella breathed. Her voice was as light as the frail bones of her body. Carlisle raised an eyebrow as she swayed, and I hastened to support her.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme remarked disapprovingly, as if Bella's stubbornness were my fault. "Let's get her home."

I smiled and nodded as Esme's mind conjured up the perfect image befitting of her words: our house in the meadow, surrounded by forest. Forks. _Home_.

Bella was still awake, but by this time, she was akin to a sleepwalker, dazedly tripping through the crowd. I longed to gather her in my arms and carry her to the car, but I knew it was unwise to suggest so. Bella was still stubbornly clutching onto consciousness and I still wasn't sure if she would want me to hold her. Esme seemed to notice my dilemma though; she tucked an arm around Bella's slender waist, keeping her steady on one side. I did the same and together we half-carried her out into the damp breeze of Seattle.

Emmett and Rosalie were waiting for us in the parking lot. I stiffened, a warning growl low in my throat.

"Don't," Esme said, sensing my rebuttal. "She feels awful."

"She _should_."

"Ish not her fault," Bella interjected sleepily. I frowned down at her. The poor girl was on the edge of delirium.

"Let her make amends," Esme pleaded. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

I glowered and stood my ground. Not only did I not want to even _look_ at Rosalie, I knew Bella would be more comfortable with Alice in the car. I could not even consider the possibility of us getting two separate cars. I was selfish enough to spend all night by her side and _still_ want more.

"Please Edward," Bella said softly. For a moment I considered rebuffing Rosalie, but hearing Bella plead her case, I knew I had no choice. Bella should never have to plead for anything. I would not – _could not_ – refuse her. Not again.

I sighed, admitting defeat, and towed Bella toward the car. Emmett and Rosalie slipped into the front seats without a word, though the apprehension boiling through my sister's mind was unlike anything I'd ever heard before. The guilt she felt battered against my hostility. I climbed into the backseat, cradling Bella in my lap again.

"Edward," Rosalie began, preparing herself. The words that she had planned flittered through her mind, but I found that I did not need to hear them. I knew she was genuinely sorry. It didn't make things better between us, but for now it would have to do. And after all, we had centuries to rebuild our relationship… that is, if the Volturi didn't get to us first…

"I know," I told her shortly. And I did know. My sister's mind was simple and shallow. Like Aro, she didn't understand other people very well. She had honestly believed that her phone call would be for the best.

I had thought that Rosalie would leave it that that – she was finding this conversation every bit as uncomfortable as I was – so it was with shock and respect that I listened to what she said next.

"Bella?"

Bella's head (which had been drooping toward my chest) jolted up in surprise.

"Yes, Rosalie?"

Rosalie took a deep breath.

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."

Rosalie cringed as she spoke; the words sounded strange coming from her mouth, yet I knew they were sincere. Rosalie was kind but also proud. It was rare for her to ever admit fault. She truly meant every word.

"Oaf schorse, 'Osalie," Bella garbled back. "Ish noss oar faulsh att all. Mm one oo gumphed oaf damniff. Oaf schorse iforgivoo."

Silence rang through the car for a moment, each occupant as amused and preoccupied with trying to make sense of Bella's declaration as I was. Finally, the tense atmosphere was cut by Emmett's laughter.

"It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose," he snickered, but the warmth in his voice reassured her.

"Mmschonshoss," Bella sighed. I couldn't resist a chuckle at her expense as I tucked her sleepy head into my shoulder.

"Let her sleep," I told them.

And she did sleep, for the first time since our ordeal. It took less than two minutes before she was in a deep slumber against my side. The three of us – Emmett, Rosalie and I – were silent for the remainder of our long journey home, not wanting to disturb the sleeping girl on my chest.

It was with masochistic enthusiasm that I anticipated our arrival – I kept searching through the jungle of greenery outside the car window, waiting to see a familiar hunting ground or a peaceful meadow I'd found in our time here. But the places I sought out brought back memories; times of happiness that were now long past. With each passing second I doubted my place in Bella's life. Why did she not respond to my touches? Why was she so distant when I spoke to her? Could she have moved on? And if so, could I begrudge her for doing as I'd asked?

It was late in the morning when we reached the outskirts of Forks. In less than a minute more, Emmett had driven us to a halt outside Bella's front door. I looked up at the house and fought back the rush of thick emotions. The bedroom I'd snuck into one late February night last year… the very place I'd first fallen in love with her. And though I tried not to look, from the corner of my eye I could see the swell of forestry tracing along the back of her garden. The dark undergrowth mocked me, reminding me of my sins. The best and worst periods of my life, confined to one small patch of land. My love and my loss, both here, together. With Bella.

"BELLA!"

Charlie Swan came racing down his driveway, already dressed in his uniform. He was bleary-eyed but looked wild with relief and anger as he stopped, mouth popping open in a comic 'O' of surprise as he saw me.

"Charlie," Bella murmured from my arms. Her voice was so weak that I couldn't tell whether she had awoken or was talking in her sleep.

"Shh," I soothed. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO SHOW YOUR FACE HERE!" Bella's father raged. His thoughts, as they always had been, were vague, intangible, but I caught a thread of anger in his mind, anger that far outstretched the impact his words had given. I winced at the strength of the hatred directed at me.

"Shoppitad," Bella whispered nonsensically. Charlie frowned and stopped to look at her worriedly.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked, puzzled. He was no doubt wondering why my Bella wasn't in a fit state to walk unassisted.

No. Not _my_ Bella. Not anymore. She was _his_ Bella, too.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I explained, keeping my voice low. No need to disturb her sleep unnecessarily. "Please let her rest."

Charlie seemed to take offence at my words. "Don't tell me what to do! Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

Not wanting to cause offence to Bella's father, I did as he said immediately – or at least, I tried to. Bella gripped my shirt with stubborn fingers as I lifted her. Still furious, Charlie yanked on her unrelenting arm.

"Cut it out, dad!" Bella said, opening her tired eyes to face him. "Be mad at _me_."

I wanted to protest; to tell her that this proposal was ludicrous – she hadn't done anything wrong at all! Bella was the wronged party in this crime, and I was the villainous wrongdoer, awaiting my just punishment from the Chief of Police himself.

But Charlie seemed to agree with her. "You bet I will be," he said. "Get inside."

Bella groaned. "'Kay. Let me down."

The crippling sense of loss I felt as she slid out of my arms was immediately replaced by fear as it became apparent that she would not make it up the stairs, exhausted as she was. I watched her sway, stumble through two steps, before tipping headfirst towards the concrete. She was back in my arms before Charlie could even blink.

"Just let me get her upstairs," I begged, glad to be given an excuse to hold her once more. "_Then_ I'll leave."

Bella blanched, as she choked out one word.

"No!"

"I won't be far," I assured her. I kept my voice low so Charlie would have no hope of hearing. But he frowned anyway, obviously displeased at being left out.

"Fine," Charlie spat. "Go." He waved his arm in the direction of the house, indicating that I should lead the way.

Making the most of the brief moments I had, I eased my way through the doorway and into the house. With a pang, I noted that it still looked, still smelt exactly as I had remembered.

It was when I reached her bedroom that the real torture awaited me. Her scent was overwhelming in the confides of her personal space, but the problem was not my thirst. Bella's bedroom hadn't changed in the slightest since my departure, and for some reason, that frightened me. Had the last few months not changed her, as they had changed me? Or was she too numbed by our separation to do anything of importance in those months? There was nothing that subtly pointed to the life I had missed out on.

I'd taken my time with Bella, but now, Charlie's impatient cough brought me back to my surroundings. I lay her down on the familiar bed, the memories haunting me as I did so. Her eyelids closed as I pried her fingers gently from my shirt. I kissed both hands before resting them by her sides.

"I'll be back," I promised in a whisper, before making a swift exit past her father, still lurking on the stairwell.

* * *

A/N: Meh. Another filler chapter. This chapter was painful to write, but I'm VERY excited about the next two chapters. So much so that I've already started work on them (that kiss scene, anyone?). I'm excited to share with everyone my interpretation of what happened at the Cullen house while Bella was asleep. Any Alice fans are sure to love it!

A million, trillion thanks to the exceptionally talented Anne Cullen for the gorgeous banner on Twilighted. It's so pretty!

The little 'flashback' sequence as Edward remembers the last time he kissed Bella was taken from my one-shot 'For Her'. It's Edward's POV of the break-up scene. Also, I had wanted Edward to see Bella's pain in Charlie's thoughts, but a second look at Midnight Sun confirmed that it wouldn't be possible if I were to stick to canon. I know for sure that I'll include it in the epilogue with Jacob though!

Review and you get a preview of the next chapter! Isn't that incentive enough to click that little green box?


	6. Family Matters

A/N: This chapter has very little Bella (sorry guys, you'll get the scene you've all been waiting for soon), but it includes a big learning curve for Edward, and I think it's my favourite so far. Edward still has issues with his family to work out. Plus, there's loads of Edward and Alice, and it's no secret that they're my two favourite characters in the whole series. I tried to really amp up their brother-sister relationship here, because they need to work out their issues and get back to the way things were before.

_

* * *

A ministering angel shall my sister be._

-Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act 5 Scene 1

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Family Matters

For the first time in over six months, I was home.

Bella's bedroom, though cramped and messy, had become my sanctuary from the moment I stepped foot in it, just over a year ago. I could still remember my first visit – the careful monitoring of each breath I took, the confusion and elation I'd felt when she whispered my name into the darkness…

It was good to be back.

The girl on the bed didn't move, and above all else, that frightened me. She used to be such an active sleeper – restless and noisy. What had changed? Why did she now sleep foetal and silently? It reminded me of the aching hours I had spent picturing her still and cold and lifeless. It reminded me of the phone conversation I had shared with Rosalie: _she's dead, Edward._

Dead. Gone. Still. It was only the regular pumps of her heart that kept me grounded as I surveyed her still form intently.

I let my eyes linger on her face as my mind mulled over the latest problem with my return: Charlie Swan.

If I thought things with Bella would be awkward, it was nothing compared to my tattered relationship with her father. Charlie Swan did not like me at all – that much was clear from the start of my courtship of his daughter. But by leaving, I had evidently caused him pain too – his burbling thoughts spoke only of rage and anguish. I discerned from the haze through which I read Charlie's mind that he was still suffering the repercussions of my actions. He'd been there to pick up the pieces when I'd left Bella in the woods. He'd seen her in her most fragile state of mind, and I was the cause. He hated me.

The Chief had fallen asleep early, obviously exhausted from his lack of rest while anxiously awaiting Bella's return. It seemed that while she had been away, her father had been too concerned over her wellbeing to sleep. Now that she was back, he'd spent the day at home, watching over her. It had been torture – on the one hand, I approved of Charlie finally taking a nurturing role in her life. She'd been the nurturer for too long. But on the other hand, it meant I was forced to hide in the shadows, waiting for him to leave so that I could be alone with her again. I'd lurked in the forest, painfully close to the scene of my departure. It had been a mighty relief to hear Charlie closing Bella's door for the last time that night. I still recalled his last words to me earlier today, as he slammed the door in my face…

"_I don't want you anywhere near her! You're not to walk through my door again, Cullen, you hear me?"_

Well, never walking through the front door would pose a bit of a challenge, I determined. But as Emmett would tell me, a Cullen never surrendered easily. Besides – I had reasoned to myself later, as I scaled the wall outside Bella's window – it wasn't as if I used the front door frequently in the past. Why break that habit now?

And as for staying away from Bella… well that was just impossible. Surely Chief Swan could see that in my pained expression. I could not leave. Not now. It was a miracle I'd managed to do so once before.

To my relief, Bella eased out of her immobile posture and sighed softly in her sleep. She rolled over to face me and my eyes greedily soaked up her sleeping features.

I had been wrong earlier, as I had watched her in the car. Bella was not a goddess – or at least not like any I'd foolishly tried to compare her to. Her beauty was not conventional, like that of Aphrodite. Her chastity was not self-imposed like that of Artemis. And yet, she was still the most perfect creature I'd ever witness. Bella didn't need beauty. She didn't need purity. These weren't the qualities that shaped who she was. Unlike the mythical goddesses of my musings, Bella was natural, real.

Bella was better than beautiful. She was radiant. She glowed with vitality and simplicity. She –

"Edward? Edward, get down here!"

I jumped up, alarmed.

"Emmett?" I hissed, though I made no move to the window. My brother weighed up the options in his mind, but he'd never been one for patience. I heard a sigh, followed by a quiet rustling getting closer; he had begun stealthily climbing the wall to Bella's window. Not a second more had passed before he was yanking the window open and bundling himself through with a grin.

"So, this is your secret hideaway, huh?" Emmett said loudly, poking around. It was strange seeing him in Bella's bedroom. He looked so absurdly out of place; too large for his surroundings. "I like it. Very… Bella. And it smells of her, too. No wonder you'd rather spend all your time up here."

"Emmett," I hissed, nodding pointedly at the sleeping girl on the bed. "Quiet."

He snorted. Loudly. "Come on, brother. You and I both know I don't do quiet."

I sighed.

_You're wanted up at the house. We haven't seen you in a while._

"What about Bella? I'm needed here."

Emmett cracked a grin. "Alice knew you'd pull that excuse out. She said to tell you that Bella won't be waking for another five hours. Plenty of time to catch up with us first."

I looked away, pained. I didn't want to leave Bella's side. I didn't even know if I could leave her side. Not without the memories of last time I left haunting me.

_Edward, this is important. Esme, Alice… they have to talk to you. We waited all day, but it's time to get things settled. Now._

"All right," I relented. "I'll come with you. Just let me say goodbye to Bella."

Emmett scrunched his nose up. "But she's asleep," he protested.

I ignored him.

"Goodnight," I breathed, planting a kiss on her forehead. "Goodnight, my Bella. I'll be back soon."

Emmett rolled his eyes.

_Alright, alright, I get that you haven't seen her in six months. But it's not like she can hear you while she's sleeping. Can we go now?_

I ignored him again.

"_Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be 'morrow_," I whispered, leaning in for one last kiss.

"Oh God, enough already!" Emmett whined loudly. "Dude, you're quoting _Shakespeare_ at her now? You have _issues_, you know that, right?"

I laughed. "Emmett, I'm 104 years old and in love with an eighteen-year-old girl. I'm a dead man, she's alive and mortal. I tried to commit suicide, not three days ago. And you think I have issues because I'm quoting Shakespeare?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Emmett said with a laugh. I envied his easy dismissal of my worries. What I wouldn't give to be as carefree as my brother. With one last glance at my love, we were through the window and running at a steady pace through the forest behind her house. Again, I tried not to dwell on my last departure from these trees.

"You know, Edward, you haven't spoken to the rest of us in months, either," Emmett crowed as he ran. "You're not going to start quoting Shakespeare to us all, are you?

"It's called affection, Emmett," I called back. "You might want to try it with Rosalie sometime."

Emmett snorted at this. "Please. Like I could start spouting _Shakespeare_ to _Rosalie_. You _know_ she'd whack me round the head with her crowbar if I so much as tried."

I grinned at the mental image he provided.

"Besides," Emmett concurred, deviously. "Rose and I have our own way of showing affection."

The mental image was suddenly not so pleasant.

"Errgh, Emmett!" I groaned. "Can you at least warn me before you start thinking of _that_?"

Emmett laughed.

"So, how'd things go with the Chief once we left?" he asked, changing the subject with a grin. "Gotta say: he was looking pretty dangerous earlier – even for a human."

"I didn't let him see me; not after what happened earlier," I said. "I'll have to think of a way to settle things with him if…" I trailed off. Emmett said nothing, but I heard the words I did not want to speak in his mind: _if she takes you back_.

It was all so confusing and complicated. Of all the people whose minds I couldn't read, did it have to be Bella? Of all the minds I found hard to distinguish, did it have to be Charlie's? Life would be so much simpler with no exceptions to my gift.

Then again, life was so much simpler before Bella. But I would never want to go back to the way I was before. I'd deal with any complications to be with her.

_Nearly there,_ Emmett thought, _You might want to prepare yourself, Edward._

"For what?" I asked stupidly.

"You don't really think everything's going to be hugs and kisses now we're back?" He asked dubiously. He shook his head and slowed to a walk. I did the same. "Well head's up, Edward. You're heading towards an interrogation."

"Good," I sighed. "I've got a lot to explain. And even more to apologise for."

Emmett laughed, but it wasn't his usual carefree bellow. "You still don't get it, do you?" he asked, shaking his head. "You're a prude and you over-complicate things and you take the fun out of everything, but you're still my brother, Edward. You don't have to apologise to _me_ for anything. Alice stopped us from intervening this time, but we would have come to Italy too. Rose and I were already halfway to the airport when Jasper told us about her plans. We would've gone after you. We all would. And don't think I'm going to let you get away with it again."

I was touched by the sentiment of his words, but I knew Emmett wouldn't appreciate a heart-to-heart, so instead, I asked, "What makes you think I'll try again? Bella's alive."

Emmett looked at me dubiously.

"Edward, I _know_ you. You'll do something idiotic to 'protect' her and end up putting her in danger and hating yourself for it. So just… don't. Don't do anything stupid and don't underestimate the rest of us."

His words made sense. Out of everyone in our family, Emmett was the one to tell things the way they were. He could sum up even the most complicated situation with one blunt sentence. He and Rose were the most frank people I'd ever met. Their minds were very similar: blunt, yet sincere.

"I won't," I said, and then, because I felt like I should, I said, "I'm sorry."

Emmett just laughed and thumped me on the back. His thoughts grew lighter and I knew without him saying the words that all was forgiven between us. Emmett didn't hold grudges.

We stepped into the meadow in a companionable silence. The big white house stood grandly before us and I stopped to drink in the sight to my heart's content. How many times had I imagined re-visiting this house? How many times had I told myself I would never be able to return?

As we entered through the front door all was silent, but I knew where they were waiting. I was pleased to see everything was in its usual place. Emmett and I walked quickly into the dining area we so rarely used, and took our places around the long table. Our discussion point. All eyes turned to us as we sat down.

My mood shifted and I suddenly felt very peaceful. "Carlisle," I said, with a nod in his direction. My father smiled, and took it as a sign to begin.

"Edward," he said. "It's so good to have you back."

Nervous smiles flittered across everyone's faces. No one spoke, though their minds were all racing. I understood what this was about. They were calling an intervention. Over the years, whenever the family had been in serious trouble, we had dealt with it together, as a family should. My actions over the past few months had been atrocious and narrow-minded, and now that the Volturi knew about my relationship with Bella, I had led us all into danger. Each one of them had been affected by my actions. Each one of them had something they needed to say to me, and I to them.

"I'll start first, shall I?" Rosalie announced, standing up. I glared at her and she rolled her eyes abrasively. "Edward, I'm sorry. What I did was stupid and thoughtless and I know that now. But how you behaved was thoughtless too. You shouldn't have left."

I growled, but I still felt oddly peaceful. I could see myself attacking her in my head, yet my limbs didn't want to move.

"Way to be tactful, Rosalie," Jasper muttered. The calm, lethargic atmosphere intensified and I felt all dregs of anger disappear. Suddenly my mood made sense. I glared at Jasper through my lazy fog. He shrugged.

"I know I shouldn't have left," I said through gritted teeth. "I know that now. But at the time…"

"At the time, you weren't thinking clearly," Alice put in. She didn't look nearly as happy as she had when I had last seen her, at the airport. Her arms were crossed, eyes narrowed. It looked as though our ongoing feud would finally be settled. Her expression told me it wouldn't be easy.

"Alice," Jasper warned. He sensed a rise in her anger and hastened to quell it. It was hard work for him. Everyone's nerves were strung tightly, and I could see that Jasper was single-handedly controlling every one of us.

"I know, Jazz," she told him, without taking her eyes from me. "The point is, he left without stopping to consider the consequences. He hurt her and he hurt us too. I knew it couldn't end well. I warned him not to do it, and he ignored me."

"Believe me, I know," I told her. "It was the biggest mistake of my life. I'll never forget that."

_I have seen a medicine, that's able to breathe life into a stone._ Alice quoted. _You have a body of stone, but she breathes for you. You need her, Edward. You needed her then, too._

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you."

_Sorry for yourself._

"For_ all _of us."

She sighed again.

"I am sorry for what I've put all of you through," I said, speaking to everyone in the room, but looking at Alice still. "Please believe that."

"We know that, sweetheart," Esme put in. "What bothers me is how close you came to hurting yourself physically. You say you're sorry for your actions towards us and Bella, but you have to understand that it wasn't just your dismissal that hurt us."

I blinked. Had I unknowingly done something more to upset them while ignoring their phone calls in Brazil?

"You tried to kill yourself, Edward," Esme said quietly. "You're my son, and I love you. I care about what happens to you. We all do. Don't ever forget that."

I bowed my head in shame.

"We all understand why you did it, of course," Carlisle put in. "But you're part of this family. Alice and Bella went alone to stop you, but if we thought it would help, we all would have gone. Not a single one of us would have let you hurt yourself."

I could not find any words to the contrary. Even Jasper, the one of us with the least ties to our family, agreed.

"I know," I told them. "And I'm sorry. I'm going to be saying that a lot tonight, I can tell. But I mean it. I don't condone what I tried to do. But if Bella had died, I'd still make the same decision. I don't intend to live in a world where she doesn't exist."

There was silence following this statement.

"Well, then," Carlisle said. "We'll just have to make sure she doesn't die, won't we?" I frowned, but he wasn't thinking of Bella immortalized. No, he was sincere in his offer to keep her alive, though the others instantly pictured my Bella with crimson irises.

"Yes," I said. "_Alive_."

My family noted the stress I put onto the word, but once again, they didn't comment on it.

"But know this, Edward," Esme said in a tone that offered no compromise. "If you _ever_ try to hurt yourself in any way again – by distancing yourself from Bella or by flying to Volterra – we won't wait around for you to come to your senses. We'll come after you and drag you straight back. Agreed?"

"Agreed. I won't," I told her. _As long as Bella lives, I won't…_

Esme relaxed at my words, and the guilt seeped in as I realised just how upset she'd been in my absence.

"I truly am sorry, Esme. For everything," I told her.

Her heart warmed. _I know, Edward. I love you, my son_. She walked quickly towards me and embraced me in a strong but motherly grip.

"I love you too, mom," I whispered. It was the second time today I'd referred to Esme as my mother, but she still beamed when I said it. I made a mental note to call her _mom_ more often.

"Oh, Edward," Esme choked, overcome. I patted her back gently, my throat thick with the urge to cry – unshed tears that would never bring relief.

Alice rose from her chair and cleared her throat. "If you don't mind, Edward, I'd like to speak to you in private," she announced. It was clear that she was only speaking aloud for the benefit of those around her.

"Of course," I said curiously. "As long as there are no objections?"

No one moved.

_Follow me._

I did as she ordered – there was no humour in her tone. The rest of our family averted their eyes as Alice led me up the stairs and into her room. I glanced around as I entered – like the rest of the house, Alice's room was already as it had been before. The floor-length mirrors, the bright, plush carpet, the old-fashioned dresser. I knew if I opened the doors to her closet, clothes among clothes would already be stacked neatly away. That was my sister: always efficient.

As she turned to face me, her sunken, saddened eyes did not match our bright surroundings.

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked her, not wanting to be kept in the dark any longer. "You've been keeping something from me. What is it?"

She said nothing. Instead, she flopped herself onto the carpet, sitting in a protective stance with her knees curled up to her chest.

"Alice?"

_I'm thinking. Let me be for a while. I want to explain this properly._

I waited, while she mulled things over in her head. The problem was, she was trying too hard to keep things from me. In attempting to conceal her thoughts, she couldn't make any headway with our conversation.

"Alice," I tried again, "Jut start from the beginning. Whatever you say, I'll listen a – "

"Just shut up for a minute," she growled, interrupting me. "I can't think! I hate you right now."

My heart dropped, though I knew that she only half-meant it. Alice was never usually like this. Usually, in the rare occurrence that Alice and I would fight, it would only be half-hearted on both our parts. I cared too much about my little sister to provoke her, and she could never find it within her kind, fun-loving self to be intentionally cruel. Nonetheless, Alice was a headstrong, unyielding opponent when she wanted to be.

"What are you saying, Alice?" I asked her. "Tell me everything, please."

My sister took a deep breath, and glared up at me as she spoke.

"Edward, all I've ever wanted was my family. Our family. I was born alone. I woke up to this world alone. I could have spent my whole life in solitude, but I saw and shaped a different future for myself. I saw Jasper, and I knew he was alone, too. I saw Carlisle and the coven he'd put together and I wanted to be a part of it. My whole life, I've strived to be a part of something. Just so that I never have to feel as lonely as I felt when I was born.

"You took that away from me. Last year, when we found Bella, I thought that my family would finally be complete. And for a while, it was. But you tore that away from me, Edward. You sent us away from Bella, away from yourself, and we lost _ourselves_ in the process. Did you not know, that today is the first day we've all been together since September?"

I didn't know…

"I know, Alice," I said, ashamed of myself once more. "I know that I put you thr – "

"No, you don't know," she snapped. "How could you know what I've gone through, when you weren't there? How could you know what I've done, where I've been?"

The rebuttal did not sting: I knew I deserved it. "Sorry," I said, feeling increasingly nervous. "I'm sorry, Alice. I really am. But I want to know. Please, let me in. I haven't been a good brother to my little sister, but I'd like to try to be."

Alice laughed bitterly at that. "I wouldn't say that I was your little sister," she snarled. "I'm not as young as you think."

I frowned at this. Alice's usually sweet mind was suddenly vile – a surging torrent of insults and abuse hurled itself to the foreground of her mind. But I'd seen this before. This was Alice's way of blocking me out. This was what she did on the rare occasion that she was feeling too hurt, too raw to let me in. It had only happened on this scale once before, a long time ago, but I recognised it for what it was.

"Alice?" I asked. "Don't block me out. What's wrong?"

_I was born in 1901. Same as you_. She thought almost unwillingly to herself, and my eyes flew to hers in shock.

"What?"

She grinned tightly at my surprise. It was not a happy expression. It seemed almost cruel. Smug, but also etched with her own pain.

"I did a little research while you were away," she began. "I began looking up what little information we obtained from James. Dates, gravestones, files. That sort of thing."

As she spoke, I caught a few of the images I'd seen flittering through her mind from before. A street sign indicating the five miles to Biloxi… an old, empty building… a eulogy blandly lamenting the death of one Mary Brandon in an old newspaper report… and old gravestone, unmarked in sentiment or weathering. The only imprints to the pale stone stood out clear and proud among the leaves and wet moss:

_Mary Alice Brandon_

_1901 - 1916_

Mary Alice Brandon…

Mary _Alice_.

Alice.

"Oh, God," I whispered as it all clicked into place. "Alice, what did you find out?"

She snorted and blocked me out once more. "Like you care," she seethed, clenching her teeth with the effort it took to keep the images from spilling out once more. "I tried calling you. Over and over again. But you wouldn't answer. God knows how _Rosalie_ managed to get through to you when you wouldn't even talk to _me_."

"I resent that," Rosalie called up the stairs. Alice and I both rolled our eyes.

"I needed you, Edward," she said angrily. "It was hard at times. Excruciating. Sometimes I felt like giving in. Doing what you did and running away. Jazz was there for me, and so were Esme and Carlisle. I had my husband, my parents. But I needed my best friend too, and he wasn't there."

"Alice, I…" my mind was whirling inconceivably. I felt horrible. How could I have failed to realise Alice's pain? I'd been aware of it since Volterra, but I'd egotistically assumed it was because of me, because of Bella. How could I have overlooked the changes Alice had gone through since I last saw her?

She looked older, for one thing. More mature. Of course, she hadn't aged in the slightest, but the signs were there. The furrowed brow; the sad, unsmiling mouth.

She wasn't the bright, chirpy little spirit she had once been, either. She made an effort to appear strong in her mind, but her body language was giving her away. She sat hunched in on her petite form, clutching her legs with her hands as her shoulders curved upwards and her eyes glared at the pristine white carpet.

"Alice," I tried again.

No response. Not even in her head.

"Alice?"

Nothing.

I knelt down before her feet and touched her ankle gently. She didn't turn to look at me, but then, she didn't flinch away either. I took it as a sign that it was safe to continue.

"Alice, look at me," I whispered, lifting her chin with my free hand. "Please."

It took a few moments of silence, but she relented and raised her eyes to mine. They were an ochre colour – not quite the light topaz of a fresh feed, but light enough to distinguish her lifestyle choice from others of our kind. I imagined that my own eyes must be pitch black – I couldn't recall the last time I'd fed, and a long, lonely hunt away from Bella and my family certainly wasn't high on my list of priorities right now. Still, as I looked into Alice's eyes, I felt a tugging from the long stilled heart in my chest. They were a familiar sight: the same eyes that had shared with me over fifty years of experience. This girl, born in the very same year as myself, was my sister in every sense of the word. She had my eyes. I would do anything for Alice – the only member of our family who truly understood and accepted me.

"Tell me more," I said simply. "Forget my problems for a minute. I want to hear what you've learnt about yourself."

She hesitated.

"Please, Alice," I said. "I know it's wrong of me to ask. I shouldn't have to beg – I should have been there for you right from the start. But I wasn't, and I want to be there for you now, if you'll let me."

Alice rolled her eyes, in spite of herself. "Do you _always_ have to be so melodramatic?" She asked. I smiled.

"It's a character trait of mine. Do you have to change the subject?"

She sighed, and twisted her hands in her lap, her mind deciding on the best place to begin. I reached down and pulled her hands into mine, easing the tension out of her limbs.

"It's alright," I said gently. "You don't have to speak. Just let me in and I'll listen."

And so she did.

She told me of a journey spanning months – of a city on the edge of Mississippi, a sister she didn't remember, and an asylum with a murky past involving the shock treatment – all without saying a single word. I only had to look into her eyes and her mind to see everything she said to me in that moment.

When at last she was finished, we both sighed and relaxed, and she pulled one hand away from mine to swipe at her cheek, trying to catch a tear that would never fall. I marvelled at the human gesture. Alice had never done that before – at least, not to my knowledge. She didn't remember what it was like to cry. It seemed her research had brought back something of the old Alice. Or, should I say, Mary.

"You shouldn't lave left," she muttered so quietly that even with my vampiric senses it was difficult to catch.

"I know."

"And you shouldn't have made _us_ leave."

"I know."

"I love Bella, Edward," Alice said softly. "It's not the same as your love, but it's just as strong."

"I know."

"Promise me you won't take her away from me again?" Her eyes were round and innocent in her face as she looked up at me with the most persuasive puppy-dog expression I had ever seen. I was putty in her hands before she'd even finished her sentence.

"I promise."

She smiled beatifically.

"Thank you Edward."

"You're more than welcome, Alice. Thank _you_ for forgiving me."

She raised her eyebrows, and the puppy-dog expression was instantaneously replaced with a stern glare. I marvelled at how quickly she could go from sweet and innocent to downright terrifying.

"Did I say I'd forgiven you?"

_Gulp_. "Well, no, but I-"

She giggled, and I relaxed with a snort of relief.

_You're so silly. Of course I forgive you, Edward._

"Thank you."

I placed a quick kiss atop her spiky head and ruffled her hair with my fist, smiling as she giggled once more. Standing up, she wrapped her spindly arms around my waist and drew me into a tight hug which I more than willingly returned.

_Love you, bro._

"I love you too, Alice. I love you. Thank you," I whispered into our hug. "You are officially the best sister ever."

Rosalie coughed loudly from downstairs. I rolled my eyes, but did nothing to revoke my claim.

_Ouch_, she thought. _Looks like I've still got a lot of making up to do…_

"You have," I said harshly, without thinking. Alice pulled away from me, looking puzzled.

"Edward Cullen!" She exclaimed with a teasing glint in her eye. "We were having a heartfelt moment there. Please tell me you weren't conversing with someone else during our brother-sister bonding time!"

_Ahh, there's my Alice. And she's back._

I couldn't help but laugh as she glared up at me, hands on hips. It was the first time I'd laughed properly since September. The familiar banter with Alice was something we'd kept up from the moment she and Jasper had arrived in our household. Our ability to hold almost completely silent conversations had thrilled her from the moment we met, and subsequently, she'd joked that she found it something of a personal insult when I used my ability to communicate with any other members of our family.

Alice's dreadful attempts to appear insulted faded as soon as she heard my laughter, and she grinned with such an intensity that I felt my chest swell with happiness. I'd missed my little sister's smile.

_Knock, knock._

We both turned on the spot as the door opened and Jasper and Emmett came striding through.

"You're not telepathically cheating on her again, are you Edward?" Jazz asked with a grin. "Looks like I might have to use the gentlemanly husband card to jut in and sweep her away from you."

Alice beamed. Just two days ago, she'd been terrified of loosing Jasper to my idiocy, and it was clear from the emotions he was pouring into the room that he'd felt the same.

"Actually, Rosalie was whinging and I felt the need to remind her that she's not off the hook just yet," I said with a meaningful glance at Emmett. He groaned.

"I thought you two had sorted things out, Edward?"

"We have," Rosalie said, leaning awkwardly against the doorframe. I hadn't noticed her arrive with the others. "But that doesn't mean things are the same as they were before. Just drop it, Em."

Emmett pursed his lips, but said nothing. It was then, in that brief moment of silence, that my attention was drawn to the despairing thoughts floating through Jasper's mind.

"No. It's not," I told him, sharply. Rosalie, Emmett and Alice all looked up, confused. Jasper's head was bowed against his grief.

"It is," he muttered. "It's all my fault."

"It's not," I repeated emphatically. "You slipped up, but it was all sorted out. I'm the one who over-reacted. I'm the one to blame."

Jasper snorted. "Edward, I…" he trailed off, his thoughts a whirl of pain and remorse.

"I know, Jasper," I told him. "I understand."

"No!" He cried, looking more pained than ever. "No, you don't understand, Edward. I did this, all of this. You're suffering right now – so badly you won't even admit it to yourself. And Bella… I felt it as soon as I saw her again, at the airport. She's hurt, broken… but it's more than that…"

I gritted my teeth, forcing the fear back. "That's my fault. _I_ hurt her. Not you."

He shook his head.

_You know what I thought at first? The emotion was so intense that I thought I was picking it up from you, but it was her. She loathes herself, Edward. And all because I couldn't control myself at the sight of a speck of blood._

I frowned. I didn't know what I'd expected, but this certainly wasn't it. Bella was angry… at herself? Surely she'd hate me for everything I did to her… could Jasper be wrong? Could there be a simple answer to this mystery?

"Jazz," Alice crooned, touching his cheek with her tiny hand. "We've talked about this. No one blames you."

He lifted his head to meet her eyes and smiled, almost involuntarily. "I'm sorry," he whispered, holding her hand to his cheek. The moment was as private and intense as their reunion at the airport. I knew that once I left, Alice would heal Jasper, alleviate his fears in a way only she could.

I thought of Bella. Who would mend her? Who would heal the pain she must have suffered through my foolishness? I dared to hope that I could provide that role, but unbidden in my mind, the boy Alice had shown me in her thoughts came creeping through. The werewolf.

I had to see Bella. I'd been gone for too long. It was an almost physical need now – if I were human, my body would be shaking, running…

Alice turned to me.

"You have to go," she said calmly. It was not a question. Just a statement of fact. There was no questioning my intentions now.

"Yes," I told her.

_It'll be okay._

I wanted to agree with her, but I couldn't quite manage it.

"Alice," I began weakly, my voice breaking ridiculously. "What if… what…"

"It'll be okay, Edward." Alice reiterated, speaking aloud this time. Still, it felt no more comforting than before.

"I… I hurt her Alice. What if she can't forgive that?"

"She will."

"But… I broke her. She was so fragile… so delicate. And in trying to keep her safe from harm, I ruined _everything_. How could she forgive something like that?"

"Edward," Alice said sharply. "I know you think that you're evil incarnate and Bella's an innocent little angel, but that's actually not the case. You both have your faults, but you've got your merits, too. And more importantly than that, you _love_ each other. You'll figure it out. Just go to her."

Emmett snorted. "You tell him, Alice," he hollered, punching the air. Rosalie smiled briefly from his side. I couldn't help but smile back even as I shook my head. Alice was usually the voice of reason in our family, but she was definitely wrong about one thing. Bella _was_ an angel. An angel I had hurt.

"Edward," Jasper piped up, smiling despite his internal conflict. "Listen to my girl, please. I can't handle all the angst you're radiating."

We all laughed, and for the moment, I felt a little better. I didn't know if it was Jasper's doing, or just what came with having a loving, accepting family around me.

"Sorry, Jazz," I said sheepishly. "I'll go. Hopefully by the time I get back, I'll be in a better mood."

"If he ever comes back, that is," Emmett joked loudly. "I've already had to forcibly remove him from the house. We may have to unstick the two of them from each other's mouths next time."

On my way out, I aimed a brotherly kick at his head, which he had the quick wit to dodge as the others crowed with laughter.

"Oh, and Edward?" Alice called to my departing back.

"Yes?"

"All's forgiven between us, but that doesn't mean I'm unwilling to accept bribes or guilt gifts," she said with a twinkle in her eye. The Porsche sprang pointedly to the foreground of her mind.

"Christmas," I promised, and she smirked satisfactorily.

"Nice one, pipsqueak," Emmett cheered.

"Hey! Watch it, you oaf!"

"I'll see you later," I said pointedly, crossing the room and shutting the door on their childish chuckling. For all my attempts at appearing displeased, there was a warm glow in my stomach. I hadn't felt this light for months. Not since… well. Not since I'd left.

Checking my watch as I walked briskly down the stairs, I noted that it had been nearly two hours since I'd left Bella, and the warm glow started to dissipate. What if she had woken while I was gone? She was nearly delirious when she'd last regained consciousness – she could be in any state. I jumped the last few stairs down to the ground floor and started to walk quicker.

"Edward?"

It was Carlisle. He was sitting with Esme on a sofa in the living room, and they were both watching me anxiously.

"Yes, Carlisle?"

"I suppose you want to get back to Bella," he said with a smile. "I won't delay you for too long. I just…"

He trailed off with a glance towards his wife. I was intrigued. Carlisle always knew what to say.

"Edward," Esme began. "We just wanted you to know that we're here for you."

Carlisle nodded. "Edward, we'd like to talk to you sometime about what happened in Italy. Just the three of us. You say it won't happen again, and we believe that. But remember that Esme and I have both dealt with depression. We both know how it feels to… attempt what you attempted."

I didn't know what to say. I was shocked to say the least. It was easy to forget Carlisle and Esme's dark pasts – they were both so vibrantly content most of the time. But every so often, Esme's jump still haunted her mind. Carlisle's memory still lingered on his early days of vampirism. I knew that they, more than anyone, understood what I had suffered.

"We'd like to help, Edward," Carlisle said in a warm, compassionate tone. "I've always called you my son, but I feel a deeper connection to you than that. As my first real companion, you're more than just a son, you're a friend and a brother to me. I don't like to see you so hurt."

_Think about it, Edward_, Esme thought. _It might help_.

"Carlisle… I'm fine, really," I said. "It's true that over the last few months I've been… depressed. But as long as I'm here… as long as Bella's here, I'm staying. As long as she wants me, we won't be needing a talk."

And even if she didn't want me, there was no way I was leaving her now. Not with Victoria so close to her prize. But I didn't say this aloud, for fear of confirming their worries.

Carlisle stood up and walked towards me. Once within range, he reached out and clasped my shoulder in a very fatherly gesture.

"I just worry for you," he admitted. "Please consider it. I want to help."

"Thank you. Really," I told him. "But you've already helped. You've accepted me back into this family, not once, but twice. After everything I've put you through this past year, I don't deserve it."

Esme started to protest, but Carlisle hushed her and spoke again, only to me.

_You belong in this family, Edward. Without you, we fell apart. You've suffered so much in your lifetime, and you deserve all the happiness we can give you. Never doubt that._

I smiled. "I'll try to remember that."

"And the same applies to Bella. Our family isn't whole without her, Edward. It may not be the most conventional of relationships, but she completes you. She completes this family. Without you – both of you – we don't function like a family should. We _need_ you."

I nodded, weakly. He was right. We all needed Bella. In my selfishness, I had drawn her away from them, too. She was not just a part of my life: she was part of theirs, too.

"We won't detain you any longer," Esme chuckled. "I can see you're dying to get back to her. Go. And good luck!"

I laughed, even as the thought of the conversation I would have to hold with Bella filled me with dread. "Thank you," I said, as I made my way out of the door and took off at a run through the forest. Behind me, the minds of my family, earlier troubled, were now more at peace.

Moments later, I was climbing through Bella's window once more – the doorway to my sanctuary, as I saw it. I crept across the room silently, and settled down in the old rocking chair by her bed. I would watch over her until she woke. In that moment, studying her sleeping features, I could think of nothing I would prefer. Nothing could captivate me like she could.

It was only a few minutes later that she began to talk.

"Dad… funeral… sorry…" she mumbled into her pillow. I leant forward, overly eager to hear what she had to say next. It was with a nostalgic smile that I recalled the nights I used to spend watching her, cradling her as she breathed my name…

"Edward," she said.

My heart swelled. My name. _My_ name. She said it. Still. I rose from the rocking chair and crossed the room with urgent speed. As I lay down beside her sleeping form on the bed, I pressed a small kiss to her cheek.

"I love you," I breathed. She rolled over, closer to me and spoke my name once more.

As she slept, she tossed and turned. A few times, she whimpered aloud and I considered waking her from whatever frightful dream was tormenting her thoughts. But I was far too selfish for that. I wanted to hear more, I was desperate to hear more. I waited with anticipation for the next sigh of my name to spill from between her lips.

One such time, it wasn't my name she breathed.

"Jacob," she whispered into the still night. "Jake… the sun. My sun. Paris… I'm sorry."

My heart ached and I drew back from her slightly. Jacob. The werewolf. This boy that I'd heard so much about, from Alice. I remembered him – Ephraim Black's great-grandson. The boy who stole a dance with Bella last summer. I'd disliked him then – the way he'd held her, the way she'd laughed so easily with him… he'd reminded me that Bella had a chance at a happy life without me. Bella could dance and laugh with this boy and if she chose him, she'd inevitably lead a happier life than the half-life she'd have to lead if she were to stay with me. And I couldn't begrudge him this, either, because of all her suitors, Jacob had been the nicest, the most suitable. Despite my anger, the boy had been nothing but a gentleman to my girl, and I hated him for it.

"Edward," Bella breathed once more, turning to face me, her matted hair hiding her expression. I didn't know whether to be thankful that she had moved back to me, or anxious because she hadn't spoken more.

Sighing, I brushed the loose strand free from her face. I would not have anything mar my view, not now that I could finally see her again.

With this gentle touch, her body instinctively drew closer to my own. Her eyelids fluttered, and then squeezed shut against the darkness of her night time rouse.

She was waking up.

* * *

A/N: I know, I know, I'm evil for leaving things here.

Since everyone reviewed like crazy last time, I think I should offer previews as bribes more often! So the same deal applies here: review and I'll send you a little excerpt of the next chapter! You know you want to…

Since there's been a bit of confusion over Alice's age, I'd like to clarify: I know she's nineteen. However, in New Moon, Alice told Bella that the date on her gravestone was not her date of death, but the date of her admittance to the asylum. Which means she was taken to the asylum at the age of fifteen - at which point her parents faked her death as they were too ashamed to admit the truth - and four years later, she was changed. Hope that clears everything up!

**This story and a few of my others - Keeping Demons at Bay, For Her and The Angel Illusion - have been nominated in the "You're Never Too Young To Write" contest hosted by Cyartia and invisiblevampire. It's such a unique contest idea, and I'd love some votes! Voting beings on 1st May. In the meantime, see their profiles for details on how to nominate other teen writers. K-rated fics deserve love too!**


	7. Doubt Thou

A/N: It's the chapter you've all been waiting for! It was pretty hard writing this one. There's a lot of original dialogue from the book in this chapter, but I tried to balance it out with plenty of Edward-ly thoughts. But let me know what you think!

_

* * *

Doubt thou, the Stars are fire,_

_Doubt, that the Sunne doth move:_

_Doubt Truth to be a Liar,_

_But never doubt, I love._

-Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act 2 Scene 2

* * *

Doubt Thou

I braced myself. I knew couldn't put it off any longer. It was time to accept the facts. I had been gone for over six months. There was a very real possibility that Bella had moved on; that this Jacob child I'd heard so much about really was more than just a friend to my love.

Whatever her answer, I would not hurt her. I would prepare the mask of indifference I had hidden behind when I last said goodbye to her. Slip quietly out of her life and out of mine. Find Victoria and finish her properly, before resorting to forever as Bella's spectre; hiding in the shadows, stalking behind her to ensure her safety.

And then, once Bella had truly passed away, I would return to Volterra for a more effective death than my latest attempt. No supplication, no euthanized acts of mercy… no, I knew now that merely walking into Volterra and demanding death would never work. The Volturi responded to provocation, not pleas.

It was strangely comforting to think of my death in this way. The first time I had left Bella, there was no plan. I had been too deranged in my desperation to think very far ahead in my own future. Bella's future was all that had mattered. This time, I would do better. And she would know how much I loved her – that I was sure of. I wouldn't leave her with cruel words this time. She deserved a truthful account of my love.

And that was my plan. If she didn't want me back.

_Please, God, let her want me back._

Lying with her like this, it was easy to believe she loved me and she wanted me back. My arms had wrapped around her frail body of their own accord, and it seemed boorish to remove them now, as she was still waking up. At least, that was how I reasoned my actions to myself. The truth was far more selfish. I wanted to hold her – chivalry had nothing to do with it.

As I held her, I felt her breathing quicken. Her pulse – so close to where my own should be – sped. She rolled over onto her side to face me. I waited anxiously as her eyes fluttered open.

"Oh!"

I blinked. Bella squeezed her eyes shut once more and covered them with her tiny fists. She looked adorable, I thought, fondly. Like a cartoon, or a little child rubbing her eyes against the sunlight of the morning. Did she not see that the sky was still pitch black?

She removed her fists and opened her eyes warily – one after the other.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked, anxiously. She was acting stranger than normal – stranger than I'd remembered. I didn't want her to be afraid.

Bella didn't respond – perhaps she was frightened, too frightened to reply. Perhaps she was so scared she could not even process my words for herself. And yet, seeing her exquisite face, so close to mine, I could find no fear. Only beauty, confusion and sleepiness were to be found in her open eyes. She blinked, once, twice, three times. Her mouth opened, then closed, forming silent words from the one mind I couldn't even begin to fathom. What I wouldn't give to hear that mind, so good, so kind, and speaking with her voice. Bella's mind would be wonderful, I knew. She was so pure of heart and soul; and that voice – such tenderness from the mouth of an angel –

"Oh, _crap_," Bella blurted out groggily, slumping back down with a huff. I almost smiled. Well, she was usually tender in her speech, anyway.

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked, growing even more anxious when she frowned.

"I'm dead, right?" She asked, and though the question was absurd, she spoke with such blunt conviction that in my mind's eye, Alice's vision of Bella jumped once more. "I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna _kill_ Charlie."

"You're not dead," I told her firmly. I felt as though I was convincing myself of this fact, rather than her.

She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "Then why am I not waking up?"

I frowned. This conversation was getting more confusing by the second. "You _are_ awake, Bella."

Bella shook her head adamantly. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If_ I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…"

Jake. The werewolf again. Was he really so important to Bella that she placed him with her family? So important that she placed him before me? I noted that she didn't mention what pain her death would cause me if – and I shuddered to think even the word _if_ – it occurred. I was no longer important enough to be placed in that lucky list of people loved by Bella. I was just a dream now, and a dark dream at that; a phantom presence in her mind.

"I can see how you might confuse me with a nightmare," I said, with an attempted light-hearted smile, which probably ended up as a grimace. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

She grimaced too. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed at that. This conversation was definitely not going well. I couldn't make sense of it, and every word she said had taken on a double meaning in my uncertainty. Was her statement on hell a compliment on my behalf – or was she just reminding me of my immortality?

While I pondered these grievances, I studied Bella's face, and was equally delighted and chagrined to watch and smell a blush sweep unexpectedly through her pale cheeks. I waited impatiently for an explanation.

"Did... all of that really happen then?" Bella asked timidly. Her blush intensified for some unfathomable reason. There was nothing embarrassing about what she had been through in the last few days.

"That depends. If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then yes," I replied, biting back dark sarcasm, even as I longed to ask her what had caused that blush. Bella had never been easy to read, and yet, there was no rational explanation for her reactions.

"How strange," she mused, sounding almost giddy, "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I tried to resist the urge to roll my eyes, but it was impossible. Of course, being Bella, she'd completely disregarded the _massacre_ part of my sentence and focused on mere trivial nonsense. I cursed myself for waking her. Now she was nonsensical, and it wasn't the best mood for her to be in when this conversation took place.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep," I hedged, "you're not coherent."

Bella frowned. "I'm not tired anymore," she argued. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning," I informed her. "So, about fourteen hours." We'd arrived back in Forks at approximately eleven, and I'd been keeping tabs on the time ever since, counting down the hours until she woke.

She took a deep breath, and then another. I watched curiously as she seemed to luxuriate in the simple task of breathing. She stretched her limbs out, un-stiffening them.

"Charlie?" She asked through a yawn.

"Sleeping," I told her, pausing for a fraction of a second before continuing. She would undoubtedly hear of her father's distaste for me soon enough. But I couldn't let her see how much it bothered me. I remembered the old, distant mantra I'd used in my head the last time things were awkward and uncertain with Bella: _Keep it light_.

"You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window... But still, the intent was clear."

Bella frowned. "Charlie banned you from the house?"

I nodded weakly. "Did you expect anything else?"

Her eyes blazed – in that moment I half-expected her to throw me out herself. But evidently, she was not mad at _me_, because when she spoke again, her voice was calm and casual. Her eyes were gentle as they looked back into mine.

"What's the story?"

I frowned. Story? What story?

"What do you mean?"

"What am I telling Charlie?" She clarified quickly. "What's my excuse for disappearing for... how long was I gone, anyway?"

She frowned, trying to work through the endless, sleepless hours and I watched with re-enforced self-loathing. It was bad enough that she had to lie to her father on my behalf, but she couldn't even remember how long she'd been away! And it was all my fault; I'd put her in this maddening, disorientating position.

"Just three days," I assured her, though I had no idea if she'd thought it was longer or shorter. It had felt like a lifetime to me. A lifetime of events she could never explain to her father. I continued, guiltily; "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

She groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I said comfortingly. I didn't like to see her anxious – especially over something which was so thoroughly my fault.

She seemed comforted: the anxiety faded from her flawless face and she relaxed back into my arms with a sigh. I couldn't tell if it was a happy or sad sound.

"So..." she said, with a strained attempt at casualness. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

I was instantly on guard. "Nothing terribly exciting," I muttered. She regarded me dubiously, obviously wondering about my reply.

In truth, I was ashamed to tell her of my complete failure. I'd thought I was tracking Victoria quite well – considering my inexperience in such matters – but even Bella had seen more of her in the past few months than I had.

And I couldn't tell her of the constant aching nights I'd spent practically stalking my memories of her, either. I wanted her to forgive me. I didn't want her to see me as the obsessed, dangerous monster I knew I really was.

She sighed, and this time, I knew the sound wasn't happy.

"Of course not," she mumbled. She looked almost upset. I had to know what she was thinking.

"Why are you making that face?" I asked, cursing myself for being so rude and blunt in my impatience.

She grimaced. "Well... if you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up." She reasoned. Her expression was very thoughtful. She seemed utterly convinced of this _dream _theory. It made a change from the absurd, extravagant theories she'd thought up before she knew the truth about me. She was so convinced of her mundane dream theory... but it made sense. Bella had been through far too much. I supposed that the idea of a dream was a lot nicer for her than the truth.

_No, Bella, don't think that. I'm not just a dream. I'm here and I love you. Please believe in me. Don't hate me. Please want me._

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" She exclaimed, and then she cocked her head to the side, apparently deep in thought. "Maybe. If you tell me."

I paused; torn. I wanted to tell her everything, but it was easier said than done. I'd dreamt of this day for so long – ever since I'd left, in fact. But none of my daydreams were like this. This was hard and awkward and _real_. There was the very real possibility that she would hate me for leaving her so unprotected. But how could I deter her from the truth? I'd already agreed that I wanted no more lies.

"I was... hunting," I offered. There. Not the whole, bitter truth, but not a lie, either. I _was_ hunting. Technically.

She raised her eyebrows. "Is that the best you can do?" She scoffed, still sounding lovely. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

I shook my head. I should have known better than to start spouting white lies. It was wrong of me anyway, and as well as setting a dangerous precedent, Bella was far too wise to let this go.

"I... wasn't hunting for food," I said slowly, choosing my words with care. "I was trying my hand at... tracking. I'm not very good at it."

Bella looked intrigued. "What were you tracking?" She asked quickly.

Damn. I'd been hoping to deter her from the actual subject of my hunt, but yet again, Bella was far too perceptive for her own good.

"Nothing of consequence," I told her. No, nothing of any consequence. Not after I'm done with her, anyway.

Bella looked as upset and guilty as I felt in that moment.

"I don't understand." She told me, so innocent and troubled.

I hesitated again. This was it: the perfect moment to confess all. To apologise profusely and explain how wrong it was to leave. Ask her for forgiveness, ask her for the redemption I didn't deserve.

_And to ask her if she still loves you_, a devilish little voice whispered in the back of my head.

I took a deep breath and began.

"I…I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know, that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that _Victoria_ would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now – she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there."

I was rambling, and I knew it. I'd gone off topic, but I couldn't help myself; my mouth was spewing out random, incoherent words. My tone sounded pitiful even to my own ears.

_I know I hurt you, Bella. I broke you. I'm sorry. So sorry. Just please don't hate me, Bella. Please._

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face," I continued, back on track again. "When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself…" I shuddered involuntarily at the thought of it, and then realised I'd done it again. I was backtracking because deep down, I was utterly terrified.

"Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for – "

Bella held up one hand, and my excuses died in my raw, thirsty throat.

"Stop." She commanded. Her eyes betrayed a thousand, million emotions... fear, hurt, defeat... none of them were good. I felt her tremble in my arms.

And then she did something I could never have expected. She tied a mask to her face: a mask I recognised. It was the very same mask I had used to cover my feelings when saying goodbye to her. Her bottomless eyes were suddenly blank and empty. Deadened.

"Edward," she began, and my heart twisted when I heard her voice break on the second syllable of my name. "This has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this… this _guilt_… rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I _had_ jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your… your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and – "

She took a deep, shaky breath, seemingly too overcome by whatever absurd emotion she was feeling to complete her short speech.

Well. I was overcome too. But not with this guilt she spoke of, though I'd readily admit that it was a significant part of what I was feeling now. But back in Volterra, in the sunlight, on the excruciating journey I made to end my immortal life... guilt had been just an infinitesimal part of my torture of love and loss. Did... did Bella not _see_ that?

"Isabella Marie Swan," I began, still trying to make sense of this new epiphany. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?"

A horrible thought suddenly sprang to mind. Maybe, she assumed that my feelings were dead and buried because hers so obviously were. Maybe she didn't _want_ me to love her.

Confusion broke through her mask. "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

She frowned. "Then... what are you saying? I don't understand."

She looked so confused, poor thing, that I hastened to explain. But though my words were harmless enough; my eyes must have spoken volumes. I couldn't control my expression as I let my eyes roam her face for any signs of emotion tucked away behind her mask.

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead," I told her simply. "Even if I'd had no hand in your" – I stumbled blindly, agonisingly, over the next word – "_death_... even if it _wasn't_ my fault... I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it second-hand from Rosalie. But really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?"

The odds.

I had meant to make a point with this statement, but unbidden in my mind, I found myself retracing each step that had led me to Volterra: Bella's jump. Alice's vision. Rosalie's call. The boy's words. My pain. Aro's greed. Bella's arms.

And a famous line sprung to life before my eyes: _A greater power than we can contradict, hath thwarted our intents._

"The odds," I whispered, still transfixed in the moment. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

I turned to Bella: my very own Juliet. How close to death she had looked in Alice's vision! Even now, lying beside her, I couldn't reconcile the painful smile she'd worn then with her present adorable confusion.

"But I still don't understand," she said, breaking through my thoughts. "That's my whole point. So what?"

"Excuse me?"

"So what if I _was_ dead?"

If nothing else had surprised me that evening, those six simple words were my undoing.

I was in a state of shock, my mind whirling. I had worried that she would rebuff me, that I would have no hold over her anymore. I did not imagine that she would believe the same of me. Hadn't I made my desperation for her pitifully obvious? Could she really still believe the obvious lies I had whispered to her in the forest? Hadn't she seen the anomalies, the gaping mistruths in my words?

Could Bella still be under the delusion that I didn't love her?

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?" I asked quietly, brokenly. If Bella thought I didn't love her… if that blank, far-away expression in her eyes was directed at me – a platonic indifference to my presence in her bedroom, _on her bed_… it was almost as painful as saying goodbye had been.

"I remember everything you told me," she replied calmly, and my mind wept. Everything… _everything_. She remembered every touch, every kiss, and yet, she was cold and impervious to my touch. Did she recall our ruined relationship with fondness or scorn? Would she allow me to restate my affections or turn away, disgusted with what she used to hold so dear?

I looked down at her blank face, and found reassurance. Despite everything, she had returned to me. She had knowingly, recklessly risked her life to save mine. Even if she didn't love me any more, we could work up to that. I would wait. I would do anything by her.

Cautiously, trying to gouge a reaction from the expressive eyes behind her mask, I brushed her lips with one finger. A beautiful blush spread quickly across her cheeks and I almost laughed in relief. There was a chance. We could be saved.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension," I told her, shaking my head in honest confusion. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

If I had been happy for the brief second I was touching her, my happiness was quelled almost instantly when she pulled away, a frown marring her brow.

"I am… confused."

"I'm a good liar, Bella. I have to be."

I had intended these words to be comforting, revealing. But, surprising me once again, my Bella was automatically rigid in my arms, gasping for air as if the supply was not plentiful. Her mask melted away and the pain in her eyes told me all I needed to know, as I realised that she had misconstrued my words. I cursed myself for my foolishness. In attempting to explain, I had only furthered her irrational belief of rejection.

"Let me finish!" I begged as she whimpered in my arms. "I'm a good liar, but still… for you to believe me so quickly…"

"_You… don't… want me?"_

"…_that_ was excruciating."

She didn't move. Her hands were immobilised, wrapped around her chest. It looked as though she was trying to cradle something there.

"when we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye – "

I didn't want it to happen; I struggled to keep myself firmly in the present, to forget the past. But unbidden, my mind lurched back to that moment, her face, her eyes, her pleas…

"_What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"_

"_This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care!"_

"_You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"_

"You weren't going to let go," I said, watching her as in my mind her pleas rang out, hauntingly beautiful and pointless. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

Saying the words now, it seemed ridiculous that this absurd notion had ever made sense. I had underestimated her emotions, thought them to be weak and flexible, but I could see now how hypocritical I had been. After all, there was a very real possibility now that Bella had moved on. Did that make me love her any less? No. I would always love her, powerfully. Forever.

"A clean break," she whispered, and I remembered the moment my plans for her safety went so terribly awry.

_A clean break. One, simple stab wound. That's what I'd told myself. How did that one wound become a stabbing frenzy, a torture I couldn't escape from?_

I shuddered. "Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

With each 'sorry' I uttered, I was asking silently for the forgiveness I knew I didn't deserve. Bella looked on wide-eyed.

_I'm sorry, Bella. Forgive me. I'm sorry, Bella. Forgive me. I'm sorry, Bella. Forgive me._

"But how could you believe me?" I asked incredulously. "After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"

One word. Just one.

"_No."_

Bella didn't speak. I thought I saw a flicker of pain in her eyes, and I hoped she wasn't remembering that night too. I didn't want to hurt her even more. I didn't want her to recall that night with the same painful clarity that I did…

"_I would like to ask one favour though, if that's not too much to ask."_

_She raised her eyes to meet mine. The moisture leaking through them couldn't hide the gorgeous brown depths, and for a moment, I allowed myself to be those tears. I drowned myself in her eyes, I let them pull me in, let them wash away the fires that were burning away at my insides._

_She saw, I could tell. I'd slipped up, allowed her to see, for one infinite fraction of a second, just how much pain this was causing me._

_The pain I was causing her was equally discernable in that moment, and I hated myself for it._

"I could see it in your eyes – that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore," I said, hating myself for bringing it up again, but unable to stop. "The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any way that _I_ could exist without needing _you_!"

Bella was still frozen in place, but her bottom lip trembled.

"Bella," I pleaded now, shaking her ever-so-gently, still aware of her fragility under my fingertips. "Really, what were you thinking?"

The trembling of her lips spread to her shoulders, and then further down; a torturous ripple of pain as she began to weep. The mask was off completely now, and the face behind it was just as unhappy as I'd feared.

"I kn-knew it!" she exclaimed, still weeping. "I _knew_ I was dreaming."

It took a moment for her reaction to sink in, and then I was laughing in bitter frustration at the absurdity of everything. "You're impossible!" I sighed, deciding to resort to making my intentions clear in the simplest of terms. "How can I put this so you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here and I love you."

She stiffened in my arms at this, and I thought I heard the tiniest of whimpers escape from between her breathless sobs, stifled against her pillow. I raised her head and gently cupped her cheek, forcing her to meet my eyes. My voice grew gentler as I spoke.

"I _have_ always loved you and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

If I had thought that my renewed declarations of love would sway her, I was sadly mistaken. She pulled her face from my grasp with a defeated shake of her head. I stared. She looked so broken, so crippled. If my words couldn't prove my love for her, then what would?

"You don't believe me, do you?" I asked, already knowing the terrible answer. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

She gasped in air for a little while before answering, and her voice broke twice, but her reply was spoken with utter conviction. "It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that."

My mind was in utter turmoil now, questioning her every word and breath. Did she love me, or not? Did she believe me or not? Well, if I couldn't persuade her with words, perhaps actions would make her see sense.

"I'll prove you're awake," I promised, with an almost angry growl as I raised her face to meet my own. Her eyes widened in shock, and she leant away slightly, but I was determined. More than that – I was almost crazed. Bella didn't believe I loved her. Bella didn't think herself _worthy_ of my love. And as if that was not outrageous enough, I'd been reunited with my angel for over twenty-four hours now, and was still yet to kiss her properly; the way I desired most. I clasped her tiny face between my hands and met her fearful reluctance with blazing determination. She was so beautiful up close; her eyes glistened and a few subtle freckles dotted her pale face. Her lips were millimetres away from my own; I leant forward, closer, I moved in –

"Please don't."

I stopped. If it weren't for the pleading nature of her tone, I wasn't sure I would ever have found the strength within me to resist closing the space between us. She was asking – no, _begging_ – me to stop. But this was the closest I'd been to her in six months. Her heart was thumping against my chest. Adrenaline sped through her veins, pressed against mine. Her breath was hot and sweet against my cheek. I wasn't sure I _could_ stop.

"Why not?" I asked, mostly to distract myself from the enormous temptation she provided.

She sighed. "When I wake up" – I opened my mouth to voice my frustration, but she caught sight of my expression and quickly changed tack – "okay, forget that one. When you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I frowned: another deeply unpleasant thought had occurred to me. Her sudden backtrack from the dream theory to my apparent imminent departure spoke volumes. What if she truly believed in neither? What if she was simply making excuses, so as to spare me the pain of her refusal? What if she really _had_ moved on?

"Yesterday," I began, steeling myself for her refusal of my affections, "when I would touch you, you were so… hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…" _heartbreaking, torturous, devastating,_ "quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"

She furrowed her brow and pursed her lips. I fought the urge to kiss the irritation away from her features.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?" She asked. Was she stalling my pain? Prolonging it as I deserved?

"Just answer it. Please."

She glared at me for a few seconds, and I could have sworn I felt my heart flutter, preparing for the break that was to come. This was it. This was the moment. She was about to tell me that she hated me, that she was long over any ridiculous feelings she might have harboured for me in the past. That the only reason she went to Volterra to save me was out of pity and her unrelenting kindness that I no longer deserved…

"The way I feel about you will never change." She said quietly at last. "Of course I love you – and there's nothing you can do about it!"

She loved me.

_She loved me. Still._

"That's all I needed to hear," was all I managed to breathe before I crushed my lips to hers in an almost violent tempest of pleasure spurred on by the cruelty of our prolonged reunion.

And I knew in that moment that I had been wrong.

The dungeons of Volterra were not hell.

Wrapping my arms around Bella's sunlit form was not heaven.

This was both. The taste of Bella's lips beneath my own was the heaven I had been craving, the bliss I had sought for by my death. Bella's face beneath my fingers, and her own fingers tracing my skin were the perfect remedy to the fires burning at my flesh. Her sighs of my name soothed the scorching pain I had carried with me for the last dark months of my existence.

But it was hellish too. Because this was the furthest we could go in our reunion. It was the very closest we could possibly be, and it wasn't enough. I wanted more. Selfish and greedy as I was, I wanted more of my Bella than these kisses. More than there _could_ possibly be. I wanted her bare skin beneath my own, my last name tacked onto hers, our names side by side on an old family tree. I wanted a little brown-eyed child on my knee and a house to ourselves in the sunlit city of her childhood that she so loved.

I wanted to be with her in every sense. I wanted to be _like_ her. The same as her. I wanted to wed her, to make love to her, to die with her. I wanted the impossible. And her lips parting feverishly beneath my own were tribute to this unspoken wish.

"Bella…Bella… Oh, Bella…" I murmured frantically between kisses, barely aware of my own voice uttering her name, over and over again. Kisses were powerful things. In fairytales of knights in shining armour rescuing their beloved, a kiss could heal any wound, break any spell. My spell was certainly broken with this kiss, as my brave Bella – far braver than any knight – pressed her lips against mine, and rescued me from my self-imposed prison. But my wounds were still gaping open with this new epiphany of what I wanted, and what I could never have. Was it possible to die of a kiss?

_Thus with a kiss, I die._

Yes, maybe there was something to be said for Romeo and Juliet, after all. In that quote, I had my answer. And with this kiss, the man I had been for the past six months was dead. I was a new Edward – not quite the same as I was with Bella, but nothing like the man I was before her, or without her. I was happy again, at last, but also much, much more selfish. Much more protective of my love, and forever haunted by my past, but looking forward to a future with her. I would not leave her again.

If it weren't for Bella's bothersome need for oxygen, I would never have parted my lips from hers. Her body beneath my own was far too tempting – her slender waist, curvaceous hips, her legs entwined with mine… her body was a paradise I would never tire of.

Unfortunately though, our kiss had to come to an end. Still, I couldn't bring myself to part from her for too long. Instead, I relinquished my grip on her hair and brought my head down to rest above the ever-thumping heartbeat I was re-memorising. I couldn't help but lean my ear closer to her chest, listening in with breathless tranquillity to the most perfect sound my mind could have possibly dredged up. The proof that she was here, alive and well, with me.

"By the way," I told her, as her heart rate slowed. "I'm not leaving you."

I kept my tone casual, so that she would see the easy truth behind my words. But she said nothing in reply, and her silence was loud enough to voice a million doubts.

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured her, cupping her chin with my hand to look into the brilliant brown depths of her eyes. "Not without you. I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_ , and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could never have made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted… what I needed."

And it was true. While I was away, I'd lost count of how many endless moments had I spent planning my return, only to remember Bella's smile and re-enforce my exile upon myself once more. So many times, I'd been close to cracking, but the thought of Bella's welfare hardened my resolve. But what I wanted... what I needed...

"What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again," I continued with a smile. "I have too many excuses to stay – thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," Bella whispered cryptically. I could still see the doubt in her eyes, but it was fading. Still, she wasn't letting herself trust me. Why couldn't she let me in?

"You think I'm lying to you now?" I asked, hostility unwillingly seeping into my tone. She'd kissed me back… but despite all my efforts to make her see how loved she was, she was stubbornly resisting. Was it possible that she was more deeply wounded by my actions that even Alice had foreseen?

"No," she whispered, shaking her head – albeit uncertainly. "Not lying. You could mean it… now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I flinched back from her casual mention of the disastrous birthday from so long ago. Even with Jasper's sincerity from our discussion earlier, I couldn't help but want to shield her from such thoughts. She seemed to be mulling the incident over in her mind as I took in her expression.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" She guessed, as I recalled, with painful trepidation, those endless yet fleeting three days of torment – trying and failing to withdraw myself from her side. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

_I tried, Bella. Oh, God, how I tried to do what was right for you._

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I confessed sadly. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

She scrunched her nose up in an adorable gesture of distaste. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," I told her, glaring now at the doubtful expression on her face. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I paused, taking the time to gaze into her dubious eyes. I'd had a lot of time to think about this. How she'd given colour to my dull life from the moment she – with all her beauty and danger and goodness – had entered it. The thousands of words I would say to her if I ever saw her again. I'll admit, I even planned what I would tell her – how I would express my pain and joy in words. But with one look in her eyes, I was lost. The words I said now were not planned; they were not even words I had considered until I said them aloud. And yet, I knew that it was the most absolute truth I had ever uttered in all my years.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

As I finished my speech, she was very still. I thought I saw a flicker of… recognition in her eyes, but as I waited for her to speak, it dimmed.

"Your eyes will adjust," she mumbled. She sounded so sad at the thought.

"That's just the problem," I told her gently. "They can't."

She looked sceptical still. Silly girl.

"What about your distractions?" She asked cautiously, and it took a while for me to understand what she meant. I laughed bitterly when I recalled my pathetic excuses now.

"Just part of the lie, love," I explained. We vampires usually were very easily distracted – so many heightened senses to explore. But how could anything _not_ remind me of Bella? "There was no distraction from the… _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone – like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

Bella frowned. "That's funny."

I arched an eyebrow. As far as I was concerned, nothing had been _funny_ for months. "Funny?"

"I meant strange," she clarified. "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She took a deep breath, as if testing the air before sighing almost happily in triumph. I now understood the luxuriating breaths she'd been taking since my arrival. "And my heart," she continued, "That was definitely lost."

I didn't see how such a thing could be possible, how such a loving creature could lose contact with the steady beats beneath her breast, but I didn't question it. Instead, I rested my head against her chest once more, closing my eyes and revelling in the beautiful, steady beats I could hear there. Wherever it had been before, Bella's heart was back in place now. There was no doubt about it. And I would give anything to hear that sound for the rest of my existence with her.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction, then?" Bella murmured in my ear as her cheek pressed softly against my hair. Her heartbeat pounded out a quicker rhythm even as she spoke, but her words took me away from my place at her breast… far away… back to my desolate days in Brazil, spent searching and moping in bitter torment, just waiting to be released of my sins.

"No," I told her truthfully. "That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

She frowned. "What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…" I trailed off, unwilling to divulge the nastier aspects of Victoria's mind. There was a reason I hadn't dwelled on it for too long in that one brief time we met. Aro and Felix and the rest of the Volturi enjoyed the kill, as had James and so many others of our kind, but Victoria… she liked to toy with her prey. Even without the incentive she now had for Bella's death, she was still dangerous.

"Well, like I said, I was horrible at it," I continued. "I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil – and really she came here. I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears – "

"You were hunting VICTORIA?!" Bella shrieked, her voice rising with incredulity. I froze. I'd forgotten that I hadn't told her yet. I stiffened, preparing to make my escape if need be – Bella's shout had been much louder than our previous whispers. But Charlie's snores only wavered for a few seconds, before continuing at the same pace.

"Not well," I said, confused. Bella seemed almost angry with disbelief. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer," I vowed, anger ripping through me at the mere thought of that vile woman.

Bella stared at me blankly.

"That... is..._out of the question_," she spluttered inanely. I frowned back at her. I understood the desire to give everyone a second chance, but in actively seeking Bella out, Victoria had lost hers. And now, I would kill her myself.

"It's too late for her," I said aloud. "I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after – "

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?"

I stopped short; all thoughts of Victoria forgotten. Her tone was beseeching, almost demanding. It was nothing like her pitiful words in the forest, and yet, the painful reminder took my breath away. Would I never be free from that night?

"That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?" Bella continued, her voice calm. Too calm. But it worked; the forest was momentarily forgotten and replaced by Victoria. The forest was a memory now – untouchable. But here was an opponent I could hurt back. And I would, gladly. In my mind, Victoria and the forest were one. They had both hurt Bella. They would pay, and I would exact their punishment.

"I will keep my promise, Bella," I vowed. "But Victoria" – I snarled the name, bitterly – "is going to die. Soon."

Bella's eyes widened. "Let's not be hasty," she said, in an ironically hasty rush. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

Well, at least that was one subject we agreed on. "Yes," I said, choosing my words with caution. I eyed her carefully to gouge her expression. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

Bella snorted with surprising indignity. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_," she said, and again, I felt a strange sense of uneasiness at her easy mention of the latest loathsome creature she'd grown close to. "My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

I narrowed my eyes. My suspicions and fears were confirmed: Bella was far too invested in this... association... with the wolves. It was as unhealthy as her friendship with my family, only whereas she could easily acknowledge the danger _we_ posed to her, Bella thought her new _pets_ to be no more than harmless dogs.

_Oh, Bella. When will you learn? Don't trust him. Don't trust me. Don't even trust yourself – it's been proven how faulty your judgement is. Just run away and never look back._

I was angry again – with her, with myself... and with _him_. The dog. I longed to explain the dangers of her friendship with him. I wanted to beg her to tell me everything: her even greater problem, the exact nature of her relationship with this '_Jake'_, every detail of her life since I had left her in September... I wanted to shake her and demand her to cut all ties with the adolescent wolves she spoke of, but I would never force her, and besides, I knew it would do no good. Bella was stubborn: too stubborn for her own good.

"Really?" I asked instead, forcing myself to return to the conversation at hand. I couldn't help the sarcastic tone in my voice as I replied, "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

Bella's eyes were wary once more. She looked almost... guilty? "How about the second greatest?" She offered.

"All right," I agreed. Her reaction had confused me and I was dying to know more, but I would settle for this compromise. I hoped to steer the conversation back to this point later.

She hesitated still. For the first time tonight, she looked truly terrified. And then she whispered, "There are others who are coming to look for me."

I sighed. Of course. The Volturi. Bella was still afraid of them, so afraid that she daren't even mention them by name. I hadn't forgotten them – they were near to the top of my list of worries too.

But _wait_...

"The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?" What could possibly be worse than Victoria, the Volturi and _werewolves_, all after my Bella? I tried to remember if Alice had seen any other dangers in her path.

She side-stepped my confusion with her own. "You don't seem that upset about it."

I smiled; taking the time to recall everything I'd taken note of in Volterra. "Well, we have plenty of time to think it through," I assured her. "Time means something very different to them than it does to you – or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again!"

Horror; white and ghastly flooded through Bella's cheeks. She began to tremble, and I inwardly cursed myself for being so stupid and callous. How could I refer to them so lightly when it was clear that Bella still feared them, just as much as I did?

"You don't have to be afraid," I said anxiously, as, yet again, tears welled up behind her eyes. "I won't let _them hurt you."_

"While you're here," she choked.

I fought back a groan. How many times would I have to say it before she finally trusted me again? Not that I deserved her trust. I knew that.

"I. Will. Never. Leave. You. Again." I told her emphatically. _Never_.

She sniffled, but her eyes gleamed a little brighter.

"But you said _thirty_," she whispered. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

Any emphatic response I could have used died in my throat as I remembered just how irrationally insecure Bella was over her age and appearance. She wasn't the vain or girly type, but her confidence had always been surprisingly low.

"That's exactly what I'm going to do," I told her – staying with Bella for the remainder of her life sounded like heaven, after all. "What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

She looked as though she sincerely doubted the authenticity of my claim.

"Is this really..." she began, but then, infuriatingly, she broke off, midsentence.

"Yes?" I prompted.

She didn't elaborate, but switched tacks.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother?" She whispered. "Your _Grandmother_?"

She sounded revolted at the idea and her cheeks were as white as my own, only sparkling with tears instead of sunlight. I stared at her. Could she not see the beauty of old age?

I allowed myself to imagine what growing old with Bella would be like. Giving her my mother's ring, gently making love with her on our wedding night, buying our first house together, Bella giving birth to our children, Bella teasing me about my age, Bella's hair slowly turning grey…

No. It was too much to think about, if only for a second.

_But I want it _so_ much._

I kissed her wet cheeks. "That doesn't mean anything to me," I whispered. "You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world."

She closed her eyes, and I drank in the beauty she held now. Her face was still just as lovely as it had been before. I was worried at first, that she would be unrecognizable when I next saw her: humans change so quickly, after all. But her beauty was everlasting. It could not fade through time.

People could change though, I remembered, with a sinking feeling in my stomach. _Bella_ could change.

"Of course, if _you_ outgrew _me_..." I began, flinching as the pain flashed through me once more. But I knew I had to say this. "If you wanted something more... I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

It was the least I could offer, but also the hardest. Even ninety years old, withered and wrinkled, I knew without a doubt that I would long for her. I always would. I was a creature of stone. Unbendable. Irreversible. I would not change.

Bella's eyes flickered open. They were shocked and suspicious. I couldn't blame her.

"You do realise that I'll die eventually, right?" She demanded.

Yes. "I'll follow after as soon as I can," I promised. The Volturi shall see to that. No happy dagger could sheath itself inside my heart; no friendly drop of poison could capture my last breath. But I would die in sunlight, loved by Bella. It was a perfect ending. _It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all_.

But Bella was shaking her head. "That is seriously... _sick_."

"Bella," I began, "it's the only right way left – "

"Let's just back up for a minute," she said loudly. She looked furious. It seemed as though in her anger, she'd forgotten to whisper for Charlie's sake. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty_, do you really think they'll forget?"

I shook my head, slowly. "No, but..."

"But?"

I grinned at her angry impatience. Silly Bella. Of _course_ I remembered the Volturi. But they were my escape route from the pain of her death, not the cause of the agony I would undoubtedly suffer. And I was quite certain that they would never touch Bella again.

"I have a few plans," I admitted, still unable to hide my grin.

Her glare was bitter enough to rival that of Medusa, if it weren't for the fact that Bella was impossibly more lovely.

"And these... plans," she hissed through gritted teeth. "These plans all centre around me staying _human_."

I glared, my humour forgotten. "Naturally."

We stared at each other for a few moments, exploring this new stalemate before us. Another impasse. A beat passed. Bella pushed me away.

"Do you _want_ me to leave?" I asked her sadly, though I did my best to hide the pain.

"No. _I'm_ leaving," she replied angrily, climbing out of bed to search for her shoes.

My stomach dropped.

No.

No.

No, Bella, no. Don't leave me. No.

"May I ask where you're going?" I asked, trying to force the lump in my throat down. This wasn't it. Bella still loved me. We could sort through our problems together. This wasn't the end. It couldn't be.

"I'm going to your house," she said irately, and I relaxed. Noting the trouble she was having in the dull light, I jumped up to help with her search.

"Here are your shoes," I offered, though I was still uncomfortable with this situation. "How did you plan to get there?"

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie," I countered.

It seemed to deter her for a brief second, but I could tell from the fiery glint in her eye that she had decided on something, and nothing, not even common sense, would change her mind. I'd seen this type of determination in her eyes before – driving home from Port Angeles, a lifetime ago. It was reckless and dangerous and lovely.

"I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None," I protested, grasping at straws. "He'll blame me, not you." I'll make sure he doesn't blame you.

She raised her eyebrows, apparently not convinced.

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I pleaded. But I already knew her answer.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home."

She turned to leave, but I couldn't let her. I was blocking her path before I was even aware of my movements.

She glared at me and headed over to the window. But I'd seen her jump once before, and it was a sight that I would both never forget, and never want to repeat.

"Okay," I relented. "_I'll_ give you a ride."

Bella just shrugged, as if uncommitted. "Either way. But you probably _should_ be there too."

I knew what she was doing; she was Hephaestus, forging her trap and waiting for me to fall into it. The bed we had been lying on was hung with invisible chains, waiting to ensnare me, and yet I couldn't stop her. I was still completely in the dark, and while I still had a few tricks up my sleeve, her plan was a mystery to me.

But I took her bait anyway. "And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

The chains were already wrapping themselves around me, but I couldn't break free. She was still baiting me, toying with my uncertainty. She was a stubborn and determined and obstinate little trickster and it was infuriating, yet I loved her for it.

"My views on which subject?" I asked through gritted teeth.

She smiled at me over her shoulder, watching as her trap fell into place.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

* * *

A/N: Isn't the Hamlet quote perfect? It was one of the first quotes I chose when I began planning the chapters. I think it matches Edward's thoughts beautifully in this chapter.

Next chapter may take a while. I have important exams from now until the end of June, and I think it best that I focus on my schoolwork. I wanted to get this chapter out of the way before my exams, because I knew you would all never forgive me if I waited any longer!

Reviews are better than reunion kisses! And the same bribery tactic as before goes: review and I'll send you a preview of the next chapter!


	8. Death Penalty

A/N: My exams finished this week, and I managed to write this chapter in just five days. Aren't you proud of me? Thank you so much to everyone for being so supportive about my exams and waiting patiently for an update. I love you all.

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O, I am fortune's fool!_

-Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, Act 3 Scene 1

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Death Penalty

Bella's smile was smug – she'd sensed her victory.

Well, that was fine. She wasn't the only one with a trick up her sleeve. I had been planning to discuss the new developments in our situation with my family, anyway. The moment had arisen earlier than expected, but I was confident. I'd gathered more than enough information about the Volturi to protect Bella from their guard. And my family listened to me. They would surely see the sensibilities of my option over hers.

They _had_ to.

Without another moment's hesitation, I pulled Bella's body towards mine and leapt from the window with her in my arms. We landed lithely on the grass below her bedroom in less than a second, and she stumbled as I lowered her to her feet. Apparently she still wasn't used to my quick reflexes. I watched as she looked back up at her window ledge with a gulp. She turned to face me and I answered the question in her eyes.

"All right then," I grudgingly agreed. "Up you go."

She scrambled onto my back, blushing as she did so – I could feel and smell the rising blood beneath her skin as I took her hands and legs and tightened her grip on my body. I made sure she was completely secure and checked Charlie's burbling thoughts one last time.

And then we were moving.

We passed through the trees in silence. The memory of the forest did not haunt me this time, as it had done as I passed through this spot with Emmett. Bella's presence behind me kept me grounded. I was still angry – my anger was enough to send the forest animals flying in every direction with alarm. If I was honest with myself though, I was completely terrified. My anger was a shield – another mask to hide my fear behind. I _would_ win this battle of nerves. I could not think of what would happen otherwise. I couldn't think of _that_ at all.

As we moved, I caught sight of a dark flash of fur, streaking away from us through the forest. As if through a fog, I caught the scent of the creature: a roe deer. It in turn, had obviously caught my scent, and sensing danger, fled.

I was thirsty. I hadn't had a drop of blood for weeks. I hadn't allowed myself the distraction from Victoria – a wasted effort, I now realised. As a result, the average deer smelled succulent, delectable, mouth-watering...

So why was I still running? Why wasn't I turning back, rounding in on my prey, letting the scent propel me forwards?

Warm hands adjusted their grip around my neck, and I knew the answer. Bella.

I'd learnt a lot about myself over the last two years. Looking back, the person I used to be – before Bella – was a vampire in every sense. Cold, unbending and solitary. _He_ would have hunted the deer. There would be no fog clouding the scent from his mind.

But now... now I had a purpose. I had Bella to guide me forwards. With Bella by my side (or more accurately, on my back) I had a sense of clarity that I'd only ever seen once before. Like Carlisle's easy handling of blood-covered victims, I had faith in my own strength to resist the bloodlust that had once engulfed me.

Faith... Bella had given me faith... in _myself_.

As if she could read my mind – as if she were the mind reader – she dropped her head onto my shoulder and chastely kissed the side of my neck. I closed my eyes, relishing in the warmth there – letting my other senses guide us safely through the trees.

"Thank you," I told her. For the kiss or the transformation she had inspired in me? For both. My latest epiphany was still clear in my mind. Bella's scent was all around me, but I welcomed the fire she brought. It made the experience all the more powerful, all the more _real_. Speaking of which... "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed – a beautiful sound. "Not really," she admitted. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

I sighed. I still couldn't quite believe how backwards our situation had become. Bella believed she wasn't worthy of my love, refused to believe that I wouldn't abandon her again! OF all the absurd, ridiculous ideas she'd had in the past, this was by far the most unrealistic.

Yet, I knew that it was all my fault. And if Bella's lack of faith was the biggest consequence of my actions, it was a price I'd gladly pay to feel her in my arms again. Still...

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I vowed, thinking aloud. "If it's my final act."

I felt Bella's hair brush against my shoulders as she shook her head behind me. "I trust _you_," she assured me. "It's me I don't trust."

We were reaching the edge of the forest; the house was now in sight (to my eyes, anyway) and I caught the gist of the occupants' thoughts – it seemed that Alice had already informed the family of our arrival. I slowed my pace as I tried to make sense of Bella's words. She didn't trust... herself? It sounded like a riddle, or another one of her insane theories. Once again, I was driving _myself_ insane, wondering what was going on inside her head. I forced myself to keep my voice calm as I inquired further.

"Explain that, please."

She fiddled nervously with the strands of hair at the nape of my neck. "Well... I don't trust myself to be enough," she explained, as my heart dropped like a weight. "To... deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

I let the absurdity of her statement sink in.

_Nothing? Not one thing? Oh, Bella. How little you know me. How little you know yourself._

Scooping her from my back and onto her feet, I barely gave her the chance to steady herself before pulling her into an embrace. Just a simple hug weakened my defences around her. Could she not see how deeply affected I was by her very presence? Could she not feel that pull between our bodies?

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I told her. "Never doubt that."

_Doubt thou, the stars are fire... but never doubt I love, Bella. Never doubt I love._

She closed her eyes, trembling slightly as I reached around her frail body to brush her long hair back from her ivory face. She was beautiful, but oh, so pale. I wondered, not for the first time, about her health during my absence. I'd hoped that she would stay safe and healthy, but her chalky skin tone suggested otherwise. And there was little chance of safety with werewolves and Victoria stalking her daily...

"You never did tell me...," I murmured, almost to myself.

Her eyes fluttered open. "What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

She smiled sweetly, as if our conversation were about something she loved rather than loathed. "I'll give you one guess," she murmured, reaching up to tap my nose affectionately.

I understood her meaning and fought hard to conceal my chagrin. "I'm worse than the Volturi," I sighed with a grim nod of realisation. "I guess I've earned that."

And I knew without a doubt that I had. I'd put Bella's life in so much danger, leaving her unprotected and alone.

Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head at me. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me," she said, as if that explained everything. I waited impatiently for a more illuminating explanation.

"You can leave me," she finally concluded. "The Volturi, Victoria... they're nothing compared to that."

If it were possible, her words stung more than they had when I'd assumed she hated me. Because although it was now painfully obvious that she did return my feelings, I found myself wondering. How _could_ she love me, when all her love did was cause her pain?

Pain that I could see in her eyes – depthless and unfathomable.

"Don't," she whispered, reaching for me, igniting fire with her touch. "Don't be sad."

I tried to shape my expression into a smile, for Bella's sake, but I knew I couldn't fool her. How could she see through my lies so well, and yet fail to grasp the undeniable truth?

"If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you," I said, still leaning into her touch. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay," Bella said, so quickly that I couldn't resist returning her smile, strained though it was. Time with Bella sounded good... but then, our time so far had been so very short, and our time to come would be short, too. I had no doubts now that I was not made for eternity. I would survive until Bella's death and no further. There was not enough time for us in eternity.

"So – since you're staying," Bella began again, in an unnervingly cheery tone. "Can I have my stuff back?"

It took a few hundredths of a second for me to process and then make sense of her words, but when I did, I laughed bitterly. Here was yet another example of how my plans had gone so terribly awry.

"Your things were never gone," I told her. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."

"_Really_?" She asked, her voice breathless with amazed enthusiasm. I had to smile and nod at the excitement in her voice. Despite knowing that I'd caused her pain, it was incredibly uplifting to make her happy again.

"I think... I'm not sure, but I wonder... I think maybe I knew it the whole time," Bella mumbled, thoughtfully. Her tone took on a caring, nurturing tone – as if she was trying to comfort me with her words. But her words didn't make sense to me, jumbled as they were.

"What did you know?" I asked, eagerly.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died," she said soothingly. "That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

The word _voices_ brought me up sharp. I stared at Bella in fascination. My angel illusion, the beautiful figment of my imagination had not returned since Bella had flung herself back into my arms. I hadn't even given the girl from my subconscious a second thought – not now that the real Bella was here, beside me, in all her loveliness. But Bella's mention of voices now took me back to that time of anguish. I'd been so lost without Bella that I'd dreamt up a pitiful replacement. Could she have been affected so deeply in a similar way?

"Voices?" I questioned.

"Well, just one voice," she muttered, sounding embarrassed now. "Yours. It's a long story."

"I've got time," I told her quickly. Too quickly. But my mind was whirling. If Bella had thought of me... heard my voice beside her, as I had heard hers... what did that mean? That she had missed me just as intensely as I'd missed her? That she loved me almost as much as I loved her? I hoped so.

"It's... pretty pathetic," she hedged, buying herself more time.

I waited. Bella had only days ago, raced to Italy save my life – and succeeded at risk of her own. Nothing she told me now could make her _'pathetic'_ in my eyes.

"Do you... remember what Alice told you about extreme sports?"

Of course. It was impossible for me to forget the haunting image of Bella as the falling, smiling girl from Alice's vision, no matter how hard I tried.

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said, working to keep my voice calm and inflectionless.

"Er, right," she agreed, sheepishly. "And before that, with the motorcycle – "

"Motorcycle?" I asked, alarmed. The possibilities of a _motorcycle _in accordance with _extreme sports_ ran through my mind – each as disturbing and terrifying as the next. My little Bella sitting astride a hulking, roaring chunk of metal... her tiny figure sprawled across the merciless road, bloodied and bruised... Bella sitting behind _the Jacob Black child_, holding him, touching his waist, pressing her cheek into his back as they sped through the forest together...

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part," she mumbled, scuffing her shoes on the muddy grass. She ventured a glance up at me from beneath her eyelashes. Undoubtedly, whatever she saw there made her nervous, because she glanced down quickly, suddenly transfixed by her worn trainers.

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. I waited as she paused, searching for the words to begin. It was then, as she dawdled that I reached out to draw my fingers through her hair, and noticed the infinitesimal scar cutting a new jagged path across her forehead. She'd been hurt.

"_No_."

She looked up, guiltily. My outburst had drawn her attention back to the matter at hand.

"Well... about that...," she began timidly. "See, I found that... when I was doing something dangerous or stupid... I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I was frozen in horror.

Bella was... was...

The falling, smiling girl from Alice's vision suddenly took on a new meaning. This was not suicide. This was something much, much worse. Bella was damaged far worse than I'd assumed. She was not broken. Broken implied something which needed mending – something which could be fixed. But Bella was not broken – she was different. My disappearance had altered her, and now she was only slowly beginning to change back.

I had come back to a different girl. One I loved just as much as before, but still, one whose innocence had been lost. Bella was not the naive, trusting lamb she had been before. She was wiser. Older.

And yet, I loved her still. Was it possible for anything less anymore? I studied her face, memorised the differences, and stored them in my heart. Of course I loved her. I couldn't do anything else.

_I love thee, I love but thee with a love that shall not die. Till the sun grows cold and the stars grow old._

"You... were... risking your life... to hear – " I began, my words betraying the pain her omission had caused me, but she cut me off with a hushing sound and pressed a slender finger to my lips.

"Hold on a second," she said, "I think I'm having an epiphany here."

Under any other circumstances, I would have protested – I would have admonished her for being so reckless, cursed myself for breaking her so irreparably. But tonight seemed like the night for epiphanies – hadn't I just come to two painful realisations myself? So I stood impatiently still and waited for her to speak again.

Bella looked deep in thought. Her brow was furrowed in confusion and the hand holding a finger to my lips dropped down to her side. She was staring over my shoulder intensely. I thought back to what she had just told me. What about her words could cause an epiphany?

With a white-hot jolt of pain and horror, I realised what she must be thinking. She must have finally realised just how dangerous I was for her – causing her harm in my presence and my disappearance. She must have realised just how wrong I was for her, how everything I did put her in immeasurable harm...

"Oh!" She gasped suddenly.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see," she muttered to herself. She sounded very serious. It was torture for me, not knowing what she was thinking.

"Your epiphany?" I asked, praying that she would still allow me to beg for forgiveness.

"You... love me," she whispered. I waited for more, but it did not come. She spoke this simple truth, her lips parted slightly, eyes wide, in awe of her realisation. My panic completely forgotten, I lost myself in her words, my heart swelling with gratitude for whatever or whoever had finally convinced her of the truth.

"Truly, I do."

She smiled then – and the radiance that lit up her face took my breath away. This was a real smile – the first real smile I'd seen since September. Her mouth widened and her lips stretched across her face in a rosy grin. Her eyes lit up too – those beautiful brown depths were alight with joy, burning into my own...

I reached up to cup her cheek in my hand, marvelling as she leant towards my touch. My other hand found its way to her cheek and she lifted her face up, her eyes alight with trust and love. Not even daring to breath, I leant forward and her eyes closed in anticipation.

This kiss was different, gentler than the last.

My lips closed over hers, unreasonably impatient for contact, despite our fevered kiss only half an hour beforehand. But our movements were slow and unhurried. Bella sighed as our lips touched and finally, in that one moment, the world made sense again. This world, which I had cursed for continuing to spin forward while under the misapprehension that Bella was gone, suddenly seemed brighter. Just knowing that Bella understood and returned my feelings made everything right again.

Bella was alive. And we were together. We were strong – Bella, especially. We would make it through this.

Bella's body was frail, but her mind was a far stronger place than any protection I could physically offer her. My mind had been in utter turmoil for six months. I'd been alone. Bella had Jacob. If there were one reason I didn't despise the boy, it would be his presence in her life during our time apart. As hard as that time had been, as much as she'd changed, Bella seemed to have coped. For that, I was glad. I would never wish for her to have suffered as I had during our separation.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I whispered as we parted. I held her in my arms still, revelling in the feeling of her heart beating against my chest.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving," I explained. "You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was... totally useless," I admitted, sheepishly. "I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices." I paused for a moment, thinking of the angel illusion I'd clung to during those miserable days of isolation. "And, of course, you know I do that too."

"I only heard one voice," Bella said timidly, as if expecting to hear that the voice I heard in my head was not hers. I couldn't help but laugh at that as I tucked her into my side and set off at a walk towards the house once more.

"I'm just humouring you with this," I warned her, with a wave in the direction of the house. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

Of course, I knew that it did matter – more so than I would have liked. After all, as Bella had once so subtly pointed out to me, I wasn't the only vampire she knew. Alice had already offered to change Bella herself. And as Carlisle had told me earlier, Bella was part of our family now. No matter how much I wished it otherwise, their opinions made all the difference in the world.

"This affects them now too," Bella pointed out sensibly, but I shrugged as if it didn't matter to me.

We made our way up the front steps and through the door in a matter of minutes, crossing through darkened rooms – artificial light was unnecessary to us after all. For Bella's sake, I flipped the switches of each light as we passed. It pleased me to see her face light up when she recognised familiar aspects of each room – my piano, Esme's furniture, Carlisle's paintings...

I could sense our family lying in wait. I called each of their names now, as we made our way to the conference room we always used for discussing matters of importance within the family. I shuddered as I remembered the last time this room had been used for such purposes – over a year ago, when I'd rescued Bella from Tyler's van and first revealed my inhuman strength to her. They'd conversed here after Bella's disastrous birthday party, too, but very little had been said on my part. I'd refused to even discuss it, seeing only the bleach stain on the carpet where Bella's blood had been spilt...

Both times I had been fighting for Bella's life. Both times I had won, despite harsh opposition from the family. Would I win again tonight? Or would it be third time _unlucky_ for Bella's fate?

Carlisle was the first to arrive, walking alongside us as we reached the edge of the dining room.

"Welcome back, Bella," he said warmly. There was deep affection in his tone – he'd missed the girl he was beginning to think of as his daughter. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not purely a social visit?"

_Alice told us Bella has something important to share, Edward. But I take it that you do not approve?_

I didn't speak, but apparently my grimace spoke volumes, because he nodded in understanding as Bella explained her desire to speak to the family.

_It's about your refusal to change her, isn't it?_

I nodded imperceptibly. Carlisle caught the motion.

"Of course," he said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

We entered the dining room as the others approached, sitting along the long table, angling their chairs towards Bella. A tense hush settled as Carlisle spoke.

"The floor is yours," he told Bella, gesturing for her to begin. I took her hand, surveying the others, trying to look as threatening as possible. I'd intimidate them further if I thought it would help my case.

"Well," she began awkwardly, "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice piped up, with a grin in Bella's direction. I scowled at her. I supposed, realistically, it was too optimistic to assume that Alice would side with me, given the many times we'd come to blows before over Bella's future. Still, after our heart-to-heart earlier, I couldn't help but feel betrayed by Alice's obvious decision to vote 'yes'. I could usually count on Alice. That was one vote down.

"And... on the way?" Bella asked Alice uncertainly. The meaning of her words was unclear until a past conversation flitted through Alice's mind, and I growled at my sister – too lowly for Bella to hear, but still threatening enough to cause tension amongst the group. I felt a wave of calm from Jasper, but it was no match to quell my temper and I shrugged it off with irritation.

"That too," Alice said, nodding seriously. _It's for her, Edward. Whatever I choose, it's for Bella's benefit. Not yours, not mine. Hers._

My scowl didn't waver. Either way, the outcome of this trial would be brought about through pure selfishness, no matter what Alice claimed.

"Good," Bella continued, oblivious of our silent tussle. "Then we're all on the same page."

I doubted Bella was on the same page as myself or Alice – both of us were frantically scouring the minds of our family, searching the future for answers to a question that hadn't been properly asked yet. But it would be asked soon.

"So, I have a problem," Bella said, speaking a little louder now. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid.

"And so now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that," she added absurdly, as if she had to apologise for our mistakes in securing her life. "But if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

_Force_? Esme thought incredulously. _How could she possibly think..._

At Bella's words, my mother opened her mouth to speak, having seen through Bella's ridiculous claim, to how much our departure had affected her. But Bella held up one hand and continued.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then...," she paused, cocking her head to the side thoughtfully. "I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_."

I growled again – louder this time – at the thought of my little Bella, all alone and surrounded by _them_. This was what we were trying to avoid at all costs, and yet, selfless as she was, Bella seemed unfazed by the idea.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

She smiled happily at the absurd prospect, and gestured towards Carlisle to begin.

"Just a minute," I interceded.

All eyes were on me now. I smiled with satisfaction. Good. This was what I'd hoped for. Now that Bella had said her piece, I knew exactly what I was up against. She was the prosecutor, sentencing herself to death, but it was time for the defendant to speak now. My family were waiting, expectant. And I would not disappoint.

"I have something to add before we vote."

Bella sighed, glaring at me. I raised an eyebrow, keeping my expression completely innocent. I squeezed her hand under the table to let her know that I was there for her. I was doing this for her. Saving her from herself, yet again.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I continued. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

The reactions my statement caused were almost comical. As I'd expected, confusion followed. Rosalie raised one delicate eyebrow in suspicion. Alice frowned. Emmett looked disappointed. Their minds were a whirlwind of confusion.

_Nothing to worry about? Edward, the over-reactor of his century and this one thinks that there's nothing to worry about? _

_Edward? Damn. What the hell are you playing at? Stop fogging up Bella's future._

I grinned at the knowledge that Bella's future was unclear. It meant that the family really were listening to what I was saying. They were opening their minds to the alternative.

"You see," I explained, reaching over the table to lock eyes with each one of them, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

Alice was the first to speak, and her voice was harsh and sceptical.

"Which was?" She prodded.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason," I said, now focusing solely on Alice – she was my main competitor here. "When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem." I turned to glance down at the girl by my side. "Do you remember Demetri?" I asked.

Bella shuddered. I took that as a yes, and rubbed her fingers soothingly.

"He finds people – that's his talent, why they keep him. Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the... flavour? I don't know how to describe it... the tenor... of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well..." I trailed off, satisfactorily. Scanning their minds, I could see that a few of them were actually considering what I had revealed as a real alternative. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were clearly on my side. I knew that if I could get at least three people on my side, Carlisle would never agree to go against us. The meeting would end with an impasse.

And Bella would remain human until next time.

Until next time. How many of these meetings would we have to call before my family got weary of my pleas? Would Bella ever be able to live a normal life, or was she just a ticking clock, loosing time year by year, waiting for me to re-set her once again? When would this end? When would she run out of time completely?

"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella stated flatly.

I grinned. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

Emmett grinned. Alice silently disagreed – _too dangerous_, she claimed – but I'd lost all hope that she would side with me. Rosalie was sceptical too – she cared for me far more than Bella, and saw that although Bella would survive this plan, I most certainly would not.

"But they can find you," Bella pointed out, obviously sharing Rosalie's concerns.

"And I can take care of myself," I lied.

Emmett laughed at that, and extended a fist towards me, across the table.

"Excellent plan, my brother," he crowed, already thinking longingly back to his last real fight. But the general opinion of the family was divided.

_No_, Rosalie thought emphatically, just moments before she expressed this sentiment aloud.

"Absolutely not," Bella agreed.

"Nice," Jasper said, his soldier mind impressed at my tactical thinking.

"Idiots," Alice hissed, glaring at Jasper and myself.

Esme said nothing, but the mental lashing she was giving my plan spoke volumes to me. I didn't look at her for fear of what I might see there.

Carlisle was looking towards Esme, pondering my words very carefully.

Bella cleared her throat, and all attention was once more directed to the human girl at my side. "All right then," she said, in a tone that spoke volumes about her frustration with my interference. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote."

She turned to me first. "Do you want me to join your family?"

I scowled at her choice of words – obviously designed to outwit me. A niggling voice in the back of my mind reminded me of her earlier doubt of my love... her irrational belief that I _didn't_ want her. But of course I wanted her. It wasn't just a want – it was an all-consuming need. And she knew that now.

"Not that way," I told her sharply. "You're staying human."

She nodded, blankly. I wondered if she'd caught the meaning behind my words... the glorious prospect of Bella joining my family in another, more human way... a small church, flowers, a ring...

"Alice?"

My little sister beamed. Her mind was long made up. I glared daggers at her from behind Bella's back, but she refused to be intimidated.

"Yes," she trilled. Bella tried – and failed – to suppress a smug smile as she moved on.

"Jasper?" She sounded more unsure this time.

A wave of lethargy swept over my body as Jasper answered "Yes." I scowled at him too, but he shrugged, his thoughts open for me to see. Despite never being close to Bella, he had watched from afar and grown fond of the girl I loved. He saw her tight friendship with Alice and wanted to get to know the girl who had transformed his brother and his wife, but drew back out of fear for her safety. If Bella were to become one of us, Jasper , with his newborn knowledge, would be integral to ensuring Bella's comfort over her first few years with the family. A slightly more selfish part of him longed not to be the weakest member of our family any longer... but for the most part, Jasper wanted a closer friendship with Bella. And as much as I wished otherwise, I couldn't argue with such intentions. I nodded towards him and my body's lethargic state was gone in an instant.

Well, that was one vote I was sure I would win. But the trial wasn't over yet, and now Bella turned to the one person I could be sure would ally with me.

"Rosalie?" Bella asked next. She sounded worried. She had every right to be. But what she didn't understand was that Rosalie – like me – would vote no to save Bella rather than out of malice. And for that, I realised that I had finally forgiven Rosalie for the selfish phone call three days prior to tonight.

"No," my sister said, chewing her lip in a very human gesture of nervousness. "Let me explain. I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Rosalie's usual shallow thoughts were in this moment, very deep. Memories of the worst night of her life – the night she'd been raped, beaten and cursed – flickered through her mind. Emmett squeezed her waist gently. Rosalie's hand moved from the table to her abdomen. To a womb where no child could grow.

_But Bella could_, she thought to herself. _I could never be a mother, not now. But Bella..._

A tiny baby girl – remarkably similar to the child I had envisioned tonight – that was what Rosalie saw when she looked at Bella. A little girl with Bella's eyes and Bella's smile and Bella's warm, living glow...

Bella nodded, seriously. I wondered if she was considering Rosalie's words as seriously as I hoped. Rosalie and I were unhappy in our immortality. Bella saw our world through rose-tinted glasses. She had to see the truth. There was no going back once her choice had been made.

She turned to Emmett now, and had barely begun to open her mouth to speak, before he grinned widely and slammed his large fist down on his leg with enthusiasm.

"Hell, yes!" He said – his thoughts consumed with images of eternity with a new little sister. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

Bella cringed as I did. One more down. I had counted on Emmett's support. I shot him a glare, but the full effect was lost on him – he was too busy picturing Bella as one of us now.

And then two things happened simultaneously. Two things that changed everything.

Bella turned to my mother, waiting silently for a response to her plea. And my father – my creator, my mentor, my friend – called out to me in his mind.

_Edward_, he thought.

I'd been absorbed in the debate, but the anguish in Carlisle's call distracted me, and I turned to look at him.

He was staring at Esme. Staring, without fully seeing her. Instead, he watched my mother as his mind pulled him back through the years – back to a time of loneliness and depression. Back to a little girl beneath a tree, looking up at him in fascination as he patched up her broken leg.

"_I'm sorry Dr. Cullen," she said sweetly, looking up at him with warm hazel eyes. "It was foolish of me to climb so high. I didn't mean to inconvenience you. Is it badly broken?"_

_Carlisle smiled down at the peculiar girl, instantly enchanted by her innocence. "It'll mend. But you really should be more careful, Miss Platt. No more climbing trees. For your own sake, not mine."_

_The girl smiled shyly. "I can't promise anything," she admitted. "But I'll do my best not to fall next time."_

But she had. Esme Platt had fallen many times in her lifetime – the tree was only the beginning. Her innocence had gradually faded away, along with the smile it had shone through. And the next moment in time Carlisle showed me was in stark contrast to the first...

_Bruises. Bones. And blood. So much blood._

_Carlisle was a religious man. But for brief seconds, in times like these, his faith failed him. For how could God allow his most precious angel to fall to earth with such a crash?_

_He remembered her, of course. The little girl from Ohio. Esme Platt. At sixteen years old, she'd been a happy, enchanting young girl. Now, she was broken. Her innocence had faded. The life had dulled from her eyes._

_Ten years. Just one decade had transformed her, both inside and out. Her wavy caramel-coloured hair was dull and tangled. Faint lines etched her face – marks of a women who had seen too much, grown old too soon. Even her heart beat slower._

I grimaced and shied away from Carlisle's mind, not wanting to see what he was remembering. I'd seen this moment of his life before. I turned to Esme; she was speaking to Bella now. Sweet, enchanting words of love. Her mind was so pure, so warm. I tried in vain to lose myself in her thoughts, but the pain of Carlisle's decision was too strong and I found myself listening to him reminisce without consciously allowing myself to do so...

_Her heart fluttered. Then stopped._

_Esme._

_Another flutter. Then nothing._

_A long gash marred the left side of her face, grit and a sickening yellowy pus mixing with the blood. Carlisle winced. As a doctor, he was not a squeamish man, but something about the extent of Esme Platt's injuries made him want to draw back in fear. At the same time, an invisible force propelled him forwards; without thinking the movement through, he found himself standing over the body, clutching her pale hand in his._

_The faint white line on her wedding finger told him all he needed to know._

_Married. She had been married. But no ring. Had it slipped off during her fall? Was she widowed in the war, perhaps? Had she jumped to her death after hearing the news of her husband's demise?_

_Another flutter. Another slow breath passed through her lips._

_Was it fate, perhaps? Carlisle had entertained the idea before – that fate had led him to this life of eternally healing the sick. Could fate be responsible for this second meeting between them? After all, Carlisle would be lying if he said he'd never thought of her. Wondered about the girl beneath the tree... if she was happy... if she'd ever fallen since..._

Carlisle lurched himself back to the present, and his gaze rested on Bella now, smiling at Esme. Barely a second had passed. Carlisle's vote was next.

And then he turned to look me directly in the eye.

_Have faith, Edward._

Faith.

But what was faith? Hope? Trust? Belief in a deity? Hadn't I found faith in Bella, just moments ago, in the forest as I ran with her on my back? I'd thought so. But that feeling couldn't be identified by the word faith alone. It encompassed so much more than I'd originally assumed.

Bella was talking, but I wasn't listening to her anymore.

"Carlisle..."

My father turned to look at me, but his mind was still on Esme. He remembered his decision to change her... the agonising wait he'd suffered... the final joy he'd felt when Esme returned his feelings and started to live life happily again...

_You could be happy too, Edward,_ he thought. _Esme fell twice. Bella has fallen once, already. Don't leave this too late._

My father was still staring at me. I could see the pain of what he was about to do in his eyes, but the decision in his mind was finalised. He believed that what he was about to do was best for Bella. Best for me. Best for all of us.

It was so sickeningly wrong that I didn't know what to think. Betrayal pierced through me. Carlisle... my father. The only one among us who truly understood my constraint, my confliction. The only one among us who had watched the woman he loved as she died.

_I can't let you go through that_, he continued. _Bella has a choice. Esme didn't – I was left to decide for her. Esme's change was hard, but Bella's could be easy, controlled, planned. And we can prepare her for this life. It's not a sentence, Edward. It's freedom._

He was decided. I saw Bella's future finally stabilised in Alice's mind.

"Edward," he said, finally. _It's for the best. Our family cannot be whole without you. And Bella is part of this family now. We cannot be without her, either._

I wanted to scream at him. In all our years together, I'd never harboured any negative feelings towards Carlisle. Even in the beginning, when I wished he could have let me die rather than changed me, I understood his intentions well enough to respect him and learn to love him as the father I needed in my newborn state.

Now... with Bella's blood on his hands, I hated him for what he was about to do. I loathed my father for forcing my hand, for deciding my future with Bella where I was too cowardly to do so. And most importantly, I hated him because I knew he was right. I couldn't let Bella age, not with the Volturi's latest threats cornering us. My hastily drawn plans to escape Demetri were dangerous and fallible but I couldn't bring myself to consider the alternative, I just _couldn't_, because...

Because...

"No," I spat. Everyone was looking at me now. Bella was looking at me. I saw myself in my family's minds – deranged, stricken, angry. Broken.

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle implored gently. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I curled my hand – the one that wasn't clutching Bella's like a drowning man clinging to his last source of buoyancy – into a fist as he spoke. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to run away, run far, far away from this nightmare world I suddenly found myself in. I wanted to scream at Carlisle – tell him that he had every choice in the world, and that he _wasn't_ going to sentence Bella to death just because of my stupid, pitiful weakness.

I turned to Bella one last time, but she wasn't looking at me. She was gazing at Carlisle now, a mixture of fascination, respect and hope gracing her pale features.

I couldn't look anymore. I pulled my hand from hers, ignoring the slight intake of breath she gave as she registered my quick movement. I yanked my chair out from beneath the table, rising to my feet and striding quickly out of the room whose atmosphere I was now suffocating in.

There was silence behind me. No one made any movement to bring me back, and that was just fine.

Carlise's betrayal wasn't even the worst part of this mess. No, the worst part was my own feelings. I was numb. I didn't know what to feel. My family's emotions were suffocating me, but I couldn't feel anything myself. Not fear, not regret... not even hope.

I needed to feel something. _Anything_.

I wasn't even surprised. I had known that my pleas were hopeless before I even began. And maybe... maybe I could understand Carlisle's final declaration. Maybe in a sick way, I'd been counting on him to give me what I couldn't allow myself to take.

My die were cast. My Rubicon crossed. If I was honest with myself, I'd made the decision back in Volterra, the very moment I felt her skin beneath my hands once more.

I wanted her. Only her. And if she'd let me, I was more than willing to keep her for eternity. I'd barter her place in heaven to secure a place beside her on Earth. Losing her once had only succeeded in making me more selfish and greedy than ever. I would not lose her again – not to disturbed frat boys or careening vans or suicidal recreational sports. Not to myself or Jacob Black or her own priceless mortality.

My family's decision was made. We belonged together. And no matter how much I wished for it, I could not join her kind. She would have to have to join mine.

I had to have her forever. And there was only one way I could ensure my eternity with her.

I would have to kill her.

* * *

A/N: This isn't the last of Edward's confliction. He still doesn't want her to become one of them if he can help it. There's more to come, I promise. He's not quite given in. He's just being melodramatic, as per usual.

Carlisle and Esme's first meeting, as told by Stephenie Meyer herself, can be found on the Twilight Lexicon.

Many thanks to **Mar2402**, who has translated my Delving series and 'Elizabeth Masen's Plea' into Spanish. Spanish speaking readers, go check them out, and don't forget to leave her glowing reviews! And I've mentioned it before, but the same goes for **twilighter[dot]cullen**'s translations. All translation links are on my profile.

As I mentioned last time, a few of my stories have been nominated for the "You're Never Too Young to Write" teen fanfiction contest. Thy Beauty is one of them, and I'd really appreciate some votes. Voting has begun, and will continue until June 31st. Again, the link to the site is up on my profile.

I know some of you were hoping to see the plasma TV smashed to pieces in this chapter, but it felt right to end it here. Which means you get a lovely smashed up TV to begin chapter 9. And you know what else is happening in the next chapter... *ahem, proposal, ahem*. Anyone want a preview?


	9. Marry Me

_No sooner met but they looked;_

_No sooner looked but they loved;_

_No sooner loved but they sighed;_

_No sooner signed but they asked one another the reason;_

_No sooner knew the reason but they sought the remedy;_

_And in these degrees have they made a pair of stairs to marriage._

-Shakespeare's As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 2

* * *

Marry Me

My fist connected with the wall before I even understood my body's reaction to my thoughts.

_No, no, no, no, no!_

My numbness finally shattered, and the anger spewed out. I saw Carlisle's face before me – so warm, so trusting. And yet, this was not the calming, reliable face of the father I knew. Man and monster stood side by side – the same image I'd first thought up over a year ago, during that fateful biology lesson. Yet now, I embraced the monster, burning with hatred for the angelic man beside it. I lashed out at him in my fury. I cursed him for his betrayal, and felt a strange rush of freedom or something close to joy as I let go and embraced my fury. It felt almost light-hearted to be releasing my anger. My body was floating, my arms swaying –

No, not swaying. Swinging. My arms were swinging, hands making contact with something soft. My fists were clenched, still moving, _still_ connecting with the wall.

_Oh_.

I stilled. Breathing heavily, I opened my eyes to see the rubble before me. Wires fizzed and glass crackled on the floor. Metal debris was smoking at my feet.

Oops.

Wincing, I stooped to examine the mess I'd made. Whatever it had been, there wasn't much left. It looked like it _could_ be the sixty inch plasma TV we'd brought just a few weeks before Bella's eighteenth birthday. From _Korea_. Damn. Emmett wouldn't be pleased. I looked up. The wall behind it was dented inwards, revealing crumbling brickwork beneath the paint. Damn. Esme wouldn't be pleased, either.

In a bid to control myself, I unclenched my fists and focused on breathing in and out slowly – the way I'd practiced when first becoming desensitised to Bella's blood. It seemed to work, and I slowly became more aware of the events taking place in the next room.

"Thank you," Bella was saying quietly. "For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too."

_I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too._

Such simple words, but the emotion behind them was undeniable. It seemed that Bella had been just as affected by my family's departure as she was by mine.

Esme noted the grief in Bella's tone, and instinctively drew closer to wrap her arms gently around her waist.

"Dearest Bella," she mumbled soothingly. _Our dear, lovely Bella... my daughter, Bella..._

Bella's moment with Esme was in the foreground of my family's minds. In all but one. Rosalie was thinking back on Bella's earlier words, processing her declaration with self pity. I was sure Bella had meant no harm, but my sister did not know Bella as well as I did. Where I saw a misapprehension, based upon Bella's harmless ignorance of Rosalie's past, Rosalie saw hatred. She did not resent Bella for her believed exclusion though. She knew, like I did, that Bella would come to regret the loss of her humanity in time. She would mourn the child she never had, long for the peace of death.

_It was for you, Bella_, Rosalie thought, as she looked on towards the innocent, naive, human girl. _For you. One day, I'll explain. And I pity you, because one day, you'll understand._

Bella breathed a deep sigh as Esme clutched her tighter, both oblivious to Rosalie's pain in that moment.

I heard nothing then, as each family member processed the enormity of their decision, and mulled over what would happen next...

It was Bella who broke the silence, with a lightly stated question.

"Well Alice. Where do you want to do this?"

Alice's head snapped up in alarm as we both saw the danger behind Bella's words. Alice had never changed a human before. The horror washed through our minds before we could control it – Bella. Not deathly white, but deathly red – her body awash in blood, her eyes glazing over, her heart pounding its last beat before coming to a stop –

Although I knew that this was not the future she was seeing, it was enough to pull me completely out of the numbed shock I'd been drowning in for the last few minutes. Anger overwhelmed me again – how could Bella be so _stupid_? So _reckless_?

My family turned to Alice, waiting for an answer. I realised with horror anew that they were expecting this black event to happen _tonight_.

"No! _No_! NO!"

My feet were moving again – back into the dining room, back to the scene of Bella's death penalty, back to my family, waiting in apprehension for my return. I saw myself in their thoughts as I stormed through the open door. I was frantic, I was desperate, I was –

_Unhinged_, my family concluded. _He's unhinged_.

I grabbed Bella by the shoulders, pulling her roughly towards me.

"Are you insane?" I asked her, furiously. As if I were a third party, looking down upon the scene, I noted that I was shouting, screaming, inches away from her face. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Bella cringed away, hands over her ears, eyes downcast. It stung to see her so afraid of me. She'd never turned away from me before. My anger vanished as quickly as it had come.

_Bella_...

Beside me, Alice had flown into complete terror, mouth open, eyes wide.

"Um, Bella," she began in a panicked stutter. "I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare..." She trailed off, suddenly aware of the foolishness of her earlier offer.

I glared at her. If only she'd realised that _before_, we wouldn't be in this predicament _now_...

"You promised," Bella beseeched, eyes wide with betrayal. Alice winced in the face of Bella's disappointment.

"I know, but... Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not_ kill you."

"You can do it," she urged, quickly. "I trust you."

_Too dangerous!_ My mind roared, and I heard a low growl slip through my teeth at the thought of Bella putting her life in Alice's hands, relying on trust alone to save her. Bella was a trusting creature. _Too_ trusting.

Alice shook her head, frantically. For once in this matter, she shared my sentiments.

Bella's posture drooped further. She still wouldn't face me, but her focus of attention abruptly switched from one Judas to another. "Carlisle?" She asked hopefully.

No, no, no, no, no –

I reacted instinctively at the mention of my father – the betrayal from just moments ago was still weighing heavily on my mind. Carlisle had played judge at Bella's trial, and now she wanted him to be executioner? I knew what his answer would be, and I couldn't allow it. Not now. My mind was whirling. My calm, confident facade had tumbled down and I was now as terrified as I had been in Volterra – only now, in the comfort of my own home. Everything was happening so quickly. One minute I had Bella back in my arms, at last, and now she was ignoring me completely. I grabbed her jaw, desperately needing her to look at me. She didn't pull away as I held my other hand up to Carlisle in a gesture of supplication.

_Please_...

Carlisle noted my gesture, but dismissed it, focusing on Bella instead.

"I'm able to do it," he said. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

Bella tried to speak, but the words were muffled against my palm. Ashamed, I relaxed my grip slightly, my gaze still fixed on her, while my mind focused on Carlisle.

_It's the best way,_ he thought. _If Bella must be changed, we must make the procedure as safe and comfortable as possible...morphine... we need morphine..._

"Hold on," I pleaded, as Carlisle began to mull through Bella's imminent change in more detail. "It doesn't have to be now."

_Please. Just one more day, week, month. Just one more year..._

I didn't turn to see Carlisle, though I knew he was watching me. I kept my eyes on Bella, memorising her shuffling figure, her rosy blush, the exact colour of her eyes, knowing that these would soon be gone, along with the soul I'd failed to protect –

Bella rolled her eyes childishly, refusing to be swayed. "There's no reason for it not to be now."

"I can think of a few."

_Her eyes, her cheeks, the round imperfection of her full top lip..._

"Of course you can," she hissed, eyes darkening in anger. "Now let go of me."

I did as she asked, crossing my arms across my chest to prevent myself from reaching out to her again. Our family were captivated now, as I stood my ground and used her greatest weakness against her: her father.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them," she sneered. But then she bit her lip, as if she was considering my words. Carlisle, too, seemed to be considering my point very carefully. I turned to him to make my next plea.

"In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_," I continued tensely, unwilling to look Carlisle in the eye, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

I met his eyes then, and saw the pity clouding his judgement. His thoughts betrayed his feelings – he wanted to do right by both myself and Bella. And now, at my words, Charlie Swan weighed heavily on his conscience.

_Please, Carlisle. I need more time. Just give me time._

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle conceded.

She pursed her lips, mulling over our compromise. "I'll consider it," she said grudgingly. I breathed a sigh of relief at her words.

_Thank you._

"I should probably take you home," I whispered to her now. I had no desire to continue this conversation in the presence of our family. "Just in case... Charlie wakes up early."

Alice snorted. I knew as well as she did that Charlie wouldn't wake before we arrived.

Bella turned to Carlisle. "After graduation?"

He nodded, charmed by the strength she exuded. He already saw her as one of us – one of the strongest of us, no doubt.

"You have my word."

Bella took a deep breath and grinned widely. She looked ecstatic in her victory.

"Okay. You can take me home."

_But come back to us_, _Edward_, Esme thought anxiously. _It has been a trying night for you. We need to speak again soon. For now, go be with Bella._

I nodded, brusquely. Yes, I definitely had even more to discuss with my family now. I didn't meet Esme's gaze as I hoisted Bella gently onto my back – I didn't see any of them at all. It took every ounce of my strength to keep my anger at bay while touching her. My hands were gentle as she settled herself on my back, but the monster inside me was screaming to use force and speed – to drag her away from my family, these villainous traitors who didn't deserve to be in her presence...

Our exit wasn't prolonged. I set off as soon as Bella was ready – through the window, rather than the front door. I didn't want her to see the damage I'd caused in the front room. Though she'd figure it out soon enough anyway, when Esme and Emmett beheaded me in about three hours' time.

I ran. One foot in front of the other, concentrating on my pace, trying to focus on the swaying movements rather than my inner turmoil. It didn't work. As I ran, the events of the night weighed heavily on my mind. The dark forest was all around us, but my eyes could see nothing but Bella.

_Bella_...

I wanted to be human.

If I were honest with myself, I'd always wanted to be human. I understood Carlisle's reasons for changing me, and I sympathised with him; but I didn't agree with him. He thought we had souls. He thought we could redeem ourselves.

I knew what I was. What I am. A monster – a soulless, selfish predator. But I didn't want to be.

For years I had wished I'd died in 1918. It would have made things simpler. Carlisle would not be alone for much longer after all, because he would soon have Esme. And Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper would follow. The people I killed would have lived longer lives. Their victims would have had been granted the mercy of death instead of a life haunted forever with what they had seen.

I kept myself bound to the earth for three reasons.

My first reason was my family. Esme would be heartbroken, as would the rest of them if I were to leave now. Eternity with them I could survive, because they made me happy and they accepted me despite my flaws.

My second reason was guilt. Why should I allow myself to cease to exist after all I had done to cause suffering to others? To the people I killed and their families? No, eternity of living with what I had done was much crueller.

My third reason was fear. I was afraid of death, now that I was immortal. I knew how hard it was to kill our kind, which made me wonder. Would I still exist even after I had been ripped to shreds and burnt to ash? Would I still feel the pain of my limbs burning? Would I still feel guilt for the suffering I had caused?

Now, those reasons seemed petty and foolish.

Now, I didn't wish I had died in 1918. I didn't wish I was dead at all.

Now, I wished I had been born eighteen years ago. I wished I was human, so I could be human with her. So all her silly human moments made sense to me, and I could share them.

So I could grow old, and she wouldn't be scared of aging.

So I could live, and so could she.

I had wanted to be like her, yes. But it was an impossible dream, a childish fantasy.

Or was it?

What was it I had thought, standing on the precipice of my life, under Volterra's deathly sun? I thought back to those blissful few moments – the cruel reunion that I, with my misshapen, damaged soul had seen fit for angels.

'_Such a lovely creature couldn't not live forever. If ever eternity was made for anyone, it was made for Bella.'_

But this... eternal damnation as a vampire was surely not what I'd imagined. No, she was an angel in my mind. A celestial creature sent down to Earth to remind me of my sins. She should live forever through her goodness – through the heaven I knew she would someday enter. Death was her last enemy – the last enemy that shall be destroyed. The Earth had no right to allow Bella to achieve immortality and still roam its bleak terrain. She should achieve immortality after death, in the right way. The human way.

Death.

Still... Carlisle believed it was possible for both. Immortality on Earth, leading to immortality after death. Of course, if there was one of our kind who deserved heaven, it was Carlisle. Despite my current anger, when I looked at my father, I knew that he did. I almost believed that God could take pity on my father and make an exception for him. Whether or not Carlisle's soul had been taken during his change, I knew that it was still intact, out there somewhere. I knew, because I'd seen it in everything he did.

So could Bella possibly...

No. No, I would not think it. I would pray with all my might that Bella's soul would not be damaged, but I could not dare to hope for more. I was sentencing an angel to an afterlife on Earth. Never would she fly to her rightful position now.

Never.

I closed my eyes, focusing on Bella's weak grip on my body as I let my other senses guide us safely through the forest. Bella may be angelic, but she wasn't an angel yet. She was only human. Just a fragile, insignificant human. And soon, she would voluntarily give up her human life. For me.

I knew I should be thankful. And I was – tremendously thankful. I still couldn't quite believe that she would want me after everything I'd put her through. And now she was going to do even more for me. The thought was unbearable. I had nothing more to offer her in return. I would have to watch as Carlisle granted her immortality, knowing that I had allowed her to cut her human life short.

Her human life...

Human experiences – that's what she needed now. An untroubled, unhindered human life, if only for a few fleeting years. Five, perhaps. Five years would be plenty. It wasn't too much to ask for... she deserved five years of normalcy. I deserved five years to come to terms with the events of tonight, sprung from my cowardice. Five years... The things I could show her in five years...

I thought of all the human moments I'd shared with Bella. I thought of all the human moments I wanted to share with her still.

College.

A house.

Her hand.

A child.

Old age.

I wanted these things not only for myself, but for her too. And though they were impossible for me, Bella still had a chance. Could I take them from her?

No.

But...

There it was. My loophole. I ran through the list in my head again: college, house, hand, child, age. Some of them, I could never hope to give her. I thought of that unborn, ageless child with a broken heart. And I could never hope to age with Bella either. But... there was a chance... if she accepted it... if we had _time_... then perhaps some of the human experiences I wanted for her could be achieved.

Could I do it? Accept her wishes and mine? Could I compromise on both our parts? I pictured our future again, but realistically this time. Bella and I would enrol at college together. After a few years, I could ask for her hand in marriage. We could marry in Forks – in the meadow surrounding our house. We could spend a few blissful years together as husband and wife, before settling down to eternity together...

Eternity.

Could I really believe such a thing? Could I actually let it happen? Let Bella become a vampire… an immortal member of our family?

To keep Bella by my side forever... it sounded so perfect. Like a fairy tale. Perfect... and impossible. Because fairy tales were children's stories. They didn't belong in reality – not my dark reality, anyway. Bella couldn't have that fairy tale ending with me. If Bella were to become like me... she couldn't have an ending at all.

As terrible as it was, I rather liked the idea.

Bella's house crept into sight, gleaming white from the shadows, but I barely noticed our arrival until I'd dropped her safely into her bedroom and sat her on her bed. Scaling the wall had been no hard feat – I'd done it a thousand times before, and my mind was on more pressing matters at this moment.

Bella. College. A house. Her hand.

And immortality.

I began to pace – each new human moment I thought of for her was marked off with a footstep. _Prom, graduation, a degree, a job_ ... no experience went unchecked.

Bella stood to block my path. "Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," she accused, hands on hips.

"Shh. I'm thinking."

_Sunset, sunrise, kisses, vacations, wine..._

Bella let out a groan and slid sinuously back onto her bed, looking far too seductive and irresistible for her own good. Unruly curls of hair framed her face like the rays of a dark brown sun. A midnight sun. The bed groaned under her weight, then rose up, pushing against her body. She bounced slightly with the movement – legs curling, arms bending, chest heaving –

I lost all reasonable thought then – my only focus on one particular human experience I would never be able to give her.

Well... not while she was human, anyway. The burn spreading through my body intensified at the thought. This was something I'd convinced myself was impossible – I'd told myself it was foolish to entertain fantasies of Bella and I in such a manner, because it was unobtainable. Now though... if Bella were to become one of us, it might not be so unachievable after all. And oh, god, how I wanted it. Though I burned at the thought of Bella's transformation, I was burning in a very different way as I realised what it would mean for our physical relationship. Just the thought of joining my body with Bella's – Bella, naked and perfect, completely _mine_, groaning and writhing under _my_ ministrations –

Barely a second of my admiration of Bella's body had passed, before she tugged her quilt over her head. I shook my head to clear my mind of the dangerously appealing fantasies running through my mind, and crossed the room to lie by her side. I lifted the offensive quilt and tossed it from her body. She turned to face me, questioning me with her eyes.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face," I explained, brushing an errant lock of hair from her cheek. "I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now... tell me something."

"What?" Bella asked cautiously.

I knew that Bella wouldn't accept my request for more time, unless I gave her something back. I needed ammunition. Everyone had one weakness. I just needed to find hers.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

Her eyes softened.

"You."

As silly as her answer was, it still made me smile.

"Something you don't already have," I clarified. Bella already had me – from the very beginning, I was hers. Sucked in by her scent, kept captive by her love.

She thought for a while. When she spoke, her eyes were wary. The words were spoken very slowly. "I would want... Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me."

Oh.

What had I just thought? Sucked in by her scent? No, that wasn't a powerful enough description. _Battered by her blood_ was more fitting. Just the memory of tasting the sweet elixir... just remembering the perfect texture... hot and addictive, trickling steadily down my throat...

But I'd stopped. The monster within me was quiet now.

I could stop again.

Couldn't I?

I forced myself not to think about the actual act itself. I couldn't think of tasting her, taking her. Not yet. Later, I would mull over the dreadful act she asked of me. For now, I would focus only on the prize.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

Her eyes widened in shock. Hope graced her features. "Anything."

"Five years?"

The delightfully hopeful expression vanished, replaced with an adorable frown.

"You said anything," I reminded her, teasingly. I flashed my best grin her way, knowing she loved my smile. Her wide eyes narrowed then – like she knew exactly what I was doing. I raised an eyebrow, challenging her, waiting for a reply.

She sighed. "Yes, but... you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human – for me, at least. So, anything but _that_."

"Three years?" I bargained. Three years would be _just_ enough time to finished her university course. We could marry during a term break, I supposed. It would be rushed, but achievable enough.

"No!"

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" I wheedled. I watched with satisfaction as she hesitated, her eyes revealing just how much she did want this.

But why? It was hardly romantic or even remotely pleasant. Who on earth would want their lover to pierce their skin, drain their life force, to drink from her body as he drank –

I couldn't think about it. I couldn't, because a sick, twisted part of me wanted it too. I wanted my lips to close over Bella's neck, to bite down, marking her as mine. I wanted to be the one to bring her forward into immortality. This unidentifiable urge had nothing to do with Bella's blood – that thirst was still subdued. No, this was not about blood. It was about solidifying our relationship. An instinctual, animalistic desire to claim what was mine.

I couldn't think about it. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I would dwell on the circumstances of her transformation later. Not now. Now, I still had some bargaining to do.

Bella was still bargaining, too.

"Six months?" She pleaded, pitifully.

"Not good enough," I scoffed. As if she thought I would give in so easily!

"One year then," she offered. "That's my limit."

One measly year? Why was Bella so generous to me, yet so sparing with her own luxuries?

"At least give me two."

"No way," she argued resolutely. "Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near_ twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

Her logic was so absurd, I didn't even know where to begin. How could I possibly hope to cram a lifetime's worth of experiences into her remaining teenage years?

And what experiences could she have now, really? I re-evaluated my list with resignation. The prospect of either graduation or a single human year for Bella seemed to loom up against us. I had nothing left. There was nothing more I could offer her, nothing more I could give. No chances to give Bella any of the experiences she deserved. No college. No child. No employment. Nothing.

Except –

No. There was one more experience left. Just one. One we _could_ achieve in time. It would be difficult, but achievable. I'd not imagined it so soon. This particular lifetime experience was so very rarely performed by men and women at as young an age as Bella. And yet... we were ready, weren't we? I knew I was. I would love Bella for all eternity. I wanted everyone to know that I would be there for Bella now. That I would never leave her side again. I wanted her to do the same for me.

This human experience was for myself as much as it was for Bella. Maybe even more so. The seventeen-year-old boy in me wanted nothing more than to become a man, with Bella as my wife. To bind her to me irrevocably, in the purest of ways. If she agreed to this... I could accept her other wishes. I could bring her into my world quite easily, knowing that she had declared herself to me forever.

But how to explain this? And how to proceed? After all, this was hardly the time for a proposal. We were in the middle of an argument. I was supposed to be proposing a compromise, not _marriage_.

Marriage...

"All right," I said, my mind spinning. "Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one – then you'll just have to meet one condition."

She fought hard to keep her voice inflectionless, but the cynicism still seeped through.

"Condition? What condition?"

This was it. The moment to ask. Would she say yes? Would I finally have a legitimate claim to the divine creature before me? Would I finally allow myself to be happy?

"Marry me first."

As soon as I spoke the words, I cringed internally. _Marry me first_? Well, if I was going for the shock factor, I certainly must have succeeded. But the intention of my words had been to express my love for her, not stun her into silence.

Silence.

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh –

"Okay."

Oh.

_Oh_.

Okay? As in –

"What's the punch line?"

I froze.

Wait. What?

_Punch line?!_

"You're wounding my ego, Bella," I said lightly. "I just _proposed_ to you, and you think it's a joke."

She stared at me, wide-eyed. Her earlier argumentative attitude had made way into panicked shock. "Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious," I told her, truthfully. How in the world could she not see that? And why did she look so... so scared? Surely marriage was something to celebrate? Normal girls _liked_ things like weddings. I was sure of it.

"Oh, c'mon," she said, sounding slightly hysterical. "I'm only eighteen."

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten," I said, with a weak attempt at humour. "It's time I settled down."

Was it the idea of a teenage wedding she objected to? I wouldn't mind waiting a few years for her... we could marry whenever she was ready... she could stay human for a few more years...

"Look, marriage isn't that high on my list of priorities, you know?" She hedged, uneasily. "It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

Her unease started to scare me now – was it psychological parental issues causing her strange aversion to the idea of our union? And the words '_kiss_ _of_ _death'_... was she inadvertently revealing second thoughts about her transformation?

"Interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean," she huffed.

But I didn't. Not at all.

"Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment." If she couldn't even bring herself to consider marriage... what did that mean in relation to her looming transformation? Did she even find me appealing anymore, or was it the idea of immortality alone that enthralled her now?

That must be it, I realised. She didn't want me. Not anymore. Or maybe she did, but immortality held a higher place in her heart now. And I couldn't allow her to continue down this path if that was the case.

"That's not it exactly," she said. It wasn't a yes, but she wasn't denying anything either. "I'm... afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

Intense opinions? I frowned. I had only met Renee once before – very briefly in the hospital, after James' attack. Her thoughts were surprisingly childlike for an adult, which I supposed added towards Bella's mysterious mind. She'd eyed me warily, and she was obviously incredibly opinionated and concerned for her daughter, but I hadn't caught any objections to the idea of marriage. Perhaps, quite simply, the idea was preposterous to her – after all, we were so young, as Bella had pointed out.

But I loved her. Surely, that was enough?

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married," I said. It was just another bad joke to attempt to lighten the atmosphere – anything to keep the focus away from me. Anything to stop torturing myself over her refusal...

Because she was saying no.

_No_...

"You think you're joking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul for an eternity as a vampire..." I shook my head, sadly. There was no way she'd go through with the transformation if she couldn't even contemplate marriage. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then – "

"Well, what if I did?" She interrupted. "What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I couldn't resist rising to her bait.

"Sure. I'll get my car."

She scowled and shook her head. "Dammit. I'll give you eighteen months."

Eighteen months of boring, mundane human days, or an unlimited period of time in which to prepare for the greatest day of her life? It wasn't a difficult choice.

"No deal. I like _this_ condition," I said with a grin. And I realised in that moment, that I actually _did_ like this condition. In spite of my disappointment, Bella's refusal had actually worked out to my advantage. While Bella continued to dwell upon my offer, I had time – the time I had begged for, in order to offer more human experiences of her choice. And if (or when) she did finally accept my offer, I wouldn't need any more time. Because I would be giving her the greatest day of her life, and it would be the experience to rival all others.

"Fine," she huffed. "I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want," I all but sang, unable to resist a grin even as I shrugged nonchalantly. Bella wanted it to be me. I knew it. She knew it. It would only be a matter of time.

She groaned, flinging herself back onto her bed again. I tried not to notice her body's movements this time, and failed miserably.

"You're impossible. A monster."

"Is that why you won't marry me?"

"UGH!"

I reached out to cup her cheek. Pulling her exquisite face towards mine, I tried one last time to 'dazzle' her into submission. It didn't work so well. I let my eyes convey my love for her, but my voice was pathetic and whiny. I wanted this too badly to be reasonable now.

"_Please_, Bella?"

Her eyes glazed over. Her full, red lips parted. She swayed very slightly. And then she pulled herself together with a stubborn shake of her head.

I sighed. I couldn't help but chastise myself for my rash actions. I should have given her a proper proposal – the kind she deserved. A heartfelt speech, a bent knee, a ring to slide across her finger... maybe then, she would have taken me more seriously, at least.

I thought of Elizabeth Masen's engagement ring, gathering dust amongst my old possessions. I couldn't resist asking her.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?"

Her eyes widened in horror. You'd think I'd suggested she wear a carcass, rather than jewellery.

"No! No rings!"

_Rings_? The light snores from across the hallway faded away to deeper, clearer breathing. I heard movements, shuffling. The vague shadows of Charlie Swan's mind stirred clearer. He was awake.

"Now you've done it," I whispered to Bella. She bit her lip anxiously.

"Oops."

I smiled despite myself – that was Bella's line, from day one. Our first kiss, every little time she pushed me too far over the edge... our entire relationship was balanced upon little mistakes, but each mistake seemed to bring with it something perfect.

Chief Swan's door creaked open.

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," I explained reluctantly.

Bella made an odd choking noise, suddenly wrapping her arms around her chest. I watched as her heart stuttered and the blood drained from her face in alarm.

I didn't want to leave just yet. And she obviously didn't want me to, either.

"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I asked, with a wry smile. The monster in the closet. How very cliché.

"No," she breathed. "Stay. Please."

Chief Swan's footsteps began to resound along the hall as I slipped away. He'd brushed off his abrupt awakening as nothing more than fear for his daughter, but after a moment's concentration, I discerned that he was still planning to check on Bella. I slid through the closet doors, waiting silently in the shadows of Bella's possessions. Her silky soft clothes hung awkwardly around me – her scent was overpowering in such a small space.

Bella's bedroom door opened quietly.

"Morning, Dad."

Bella's father sounded slightly sheepish at being caught. "Oh, hey, Bella. I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah, I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower."

I frowned to myself. She'd always been such a terrible liar, but now Bella spoke the lie like a natural. Was she used to lying to Charlie now? I remembered what Alice had shown me back in Volterra – the conversation she'd had with Charlie about Bella's wellbeing. I remembered how he'd described her – a zombie. Doing her best to get on with her life, but ultimately, following a deserted road to nowhere. She'd been directionless.

"Hold on," Chief Swan said now, as I heard Bella shuffling around. The bedroom was suddenly cast into warm, artificial light. "Let's talk for a minute first. You know you're in trouble."

I heard Bella's gulp from across the room. "Yeah, I know."

The floorboards creaked infinitesimally with each step, as he crossed the room to sit in the rocking chair beside Bella's bed. _My_ rocking chair, as I often thought of it. Both were quiet now, and I barely resisted the urge to peek through the closet doors. This was Charlie's moment with his daughter, I reminded myself sternly. I would not impose upon their time together.

"I just about went crazy, these last three days," he began, in a stern voice. His mind was a murky slough of unclear images – like old movies, black and white, hazy in places. But still discernable. I could read the anger behind his thoughts, even if the exact thoughts were unclear. "I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when – or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how... how..." He trailed off, hopelessly. Words failed him – his despair rushed through me as it threatened to overwhelm him. His earlier anger juxtaposed his constant relief. Unable to compromise between the two, Charlie switched from father to policeman, taking control of the situation as he saw best.

"Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Bella's answer was just as fierce and resounding. "Because I won't go."

I winced. Charlie the Policeman could handle rowdy teenagers standing up to him in this way. But I worried that as a father, Charlie's spirit would fail him.

"Now just one minute, young lady – "

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want," Bella said, cutting him off almost immediately. "I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too – but that won't make me go to Florida."

Blood rose to Charlie's cheeks in embarrassment and fury as he watched his only daughter override his authority. As an authority figure, he was used to being challenged, but as a father, he was out of his depth. Bella was challenging her father now, and I knew why – it was because of me. I loathed to feel Charlie's pain, knowing that I was the cause of it.

He switched tactics then, avoiding – but also prolonging – his shame.

"Would you like to explain where you've been?"

Damn. I'd forgotten to ask Alice for a good excuse.

"There was... an emergency."

A pause. I risked a glance, moving stealthily. Bella's scent swirled around me as I slipped between her clothes and possessions, but luckily, the light fabric made no sound. A sliver of Charlie's face was visible through the dark wood. His eyebrows were raised, his lips pursed.

"I don't know what to tell you, Dad," Bella said, stumbling over the words. She was obviously trying to buy more time. "It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand. See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff – "

I smacked my hand to my forehead as Charlie's eyes widened in alarm. His heart beat faster.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," Bella continued, frantically. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something."

"_She's dead, Edward."_

I grasped one of Bella's sweaters, breathing in the scent, refusing to allow myself to remember –

"_They didn't want to tell you, but I think that's stupid. I'm... sorry. You have the right to know, though, I think. Bella... threw herself off a cliff two days ago."_

Bella was speaking again, concluding her tale. Her voice brought me back to the present – a present in which Bella was very much alive. Yes, Rosalie had made it sound like she'd killed herself. '_Sort_ _of_?' I found that ironic.

"He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to... L.A., to explain in person."

Charlie's heart was still beating at double its normal speed. Through the haze of his mind, I caught a brief glimpse of a snow-white girl amid a mass of dark . She was sitting, huddled in on herself, swaying back and forth in an odd rocking motion. Charlie recalled two words.

_He's_ _gone_.

With a jolt, I realised that the pale, sickly-looking girl was Bella.

"Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?"

"No, of course not," she replied lightly. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

I narrowed my eyes. Fun with Jake. From what I'd seen and heard of Bella's jump, it was anything _but_ fun. And knowing that this _Jake_ had encouraged the activity that nearly left her dead did nothing to warm me to the boy. If I hadn't known he'd saved her life moments later, I'd have ripped his throat out for his thoughtless actions.

"What's it to Edward Cullen, anyway?" Charlie huffed now. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word – "

"Another misunderstanding." Bella's voice was a low growl – a warning. Charlie recognised the danger, but he brushed it off and persevered.

"So is he back then?" I resisted a sigh. It seemed that I could not help but impose on Charlie's relationship with his daughter – I crept into his thoughts no matter what.

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I _think_ they all are."

_Think_? Surely she _knew_ now that we had no intention to ever leave her side again? Had I not made myself perfectly clear? I'd just proposed to her, for goodness sake!

And she'd said no...

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"Fine."

_She'd said no..._

_No..._

"Oh," Charlie gasped, seemingly as stunned as I was. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

As had I.

"I am," Bella declared, and I found myself memorising her voice once more. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

Oh.

Charlie's heart skipped a beat; then returned at double the speed. Relief and pride rushed through me – I shouldn't have doubted her love for a second. Here she was, defending me against her father, when really, I deserved every verbal lashing he gave me – and worse. Still, as thankful as I was, I knew that Charlie did not deserve her harsh ultimatum. Charlie cared for his daughter far more than he ever let on. He loved her as much as I did. To live without her would be unthinkable.

Bella obviously sensed his panic, because her next words were gentle and soothing.

"Dad, I don't want to move out. I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair Bella," he whined, as helpless to her every whim as I was. "You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am."

"Not under my roof."

Both Bella and Charlie's statements were firm. It was clear that neither would back down.

"Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight – or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella – "

"Think it over. And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really_ need a shower."

Charlie spluttered intelligibly in response, but there was nothing more to say. He would relent soon. He left the room, worried still for his daughter and raging with fury for me. I wished I could let him know just how alike we two were. We both loved Bella. And we both knew I shouldn't be with her.

And neither of us could bear to tell her no.

As soon as the door clicked closed, I was moving across the room, claiming my rocking chair once more. I turned to face Bella, sadly.

"Sorry about that," she mumbled, clutching her quilt as she gazed up at me, anxiously. What was she apologising for, I wondered? The disrespect she had shown her father? Or her father's disrespect towards me?

It would be me, I realised. Everything she said and did seemed to centre around me. It was a slow realisation I was coming to. Just as I gravitated towards her, a lowly planet enraptured by the bright warmth of my midnight sun, she too, seemed to feel the strength of our connection. After all, gravity worked both ways.

And through my selfishness, I dared to hope that maybe… just maybe, she did need me in the same way. That she needed my protection was so obvious now that I couldn't believe I'd ever conceived the idea of leaving her alone, never mind actually going through with such insanity. But through Alice's vision, through Bella's actions, it became apparent that she needed my love as much as I needed hers. That she had craved for my presence in those long months of solace.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I said truthfully. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Don't worry about it," Bella said, brushing the issue off casually. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that." She'd been moving around her bedroom, collecting her bathroom things as she spoke, but with a pause, she turned to face me, eyes wide with faux innocence. "Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?"

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me," she said nonchalantly, and I agreed – thinking of Victoria and the wolves with a shudder.

Bella grinned suddenly. "Besides, if Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

I scowled, instantly on edge again, just thinking about the looming prospect of Bella's graduation.

"So eager for eternal damnation."

She dropped her possessions on the bed and walked over to me slowly.

"You know you don't really believe that."

Her voice was clear, her posture firm. She looked completely sure of herself. Here she was, telling me I didn't believe in this truth I had clung to for so long. Did she understand exactly what it was she was saying?

"Oh, don't I?" I spluttered.

"No," she said stubbornly. "You don't."

I glared at her, but she refused to be intimidated. Still... how dare she believe she knew my own beliefs better than I did? Bella had a romanticised view of my world, as I had a romanticised view of hers. I knew that only when we became equals would we truly understand each other – but I also knew that I was equal only to the worst villains of hell itself. To lower my Bella to that was the worst crime I would ever commit, but to be with her, I would risk the consequences.

For that, I knew, we would both be damned eternally.

"Bella, you can't possibly – "

She cut me off. "If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realised immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together," she explained. "But you didn't – you said '_Amazing. Carlisle was right_.' There's hope in you after all."

I frowned. Though in actuality it had only been a few days, our meeting in Volterra seemed so long ago. Had I really believed myself to be in heaven?

Yes. Yes, I had.

After all, how could Bella possibly exist in hell?

Amazing. Carlisle was right.

With that, I knew. Bella would be okay. In time, I might be okay, too. I knew that there was still so much more to sort through. But for now, I had hope. I had faith. And most importantly, I had Bella. Bella, who would get me through this if it was the last thing she did. Bella, who had risked her life to see me safely back home. Bella – my brave, strong warrior, whose strength of soul had saved my own at last. For in that moment, I did not feel soulless. In that moment, I couldn't possibly conceive the idea that I had lost my humanity. Because Bella would be one of my kind soon. And Bella's soul was an indestructible force. Her spirit was strong and true. Her humanity shone through every word, every movement. And I knew it always would.

This wasn't just hope. This was absolute assurance. This was faith.

"So let's both just stay hopeful, all right?" Bella whispered, brushing her nose against mine in a sweet gesture – an Eskimo kiss. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

Heaven.

_I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand I love so well_.

I enclosed her face in my hands as I rose to my feet. I stared down at her, and saw her confidence, her absolute trust in me. I saw my own face reflected back through her eyes. I looked like a new man. I felt like a new man. And I wanted to feel this way for the rest of my time on Earth.

"Forever."

She kissed my lips, exquisitely gently.

"That's all I'm asking for."

* * *

A/N: This is the penultimate chapter, guys. Next one is the last one. The epilogue. I'll be deviating from the book a bit, because so much is touched on briefly, and I'd love to expand on it. Bella and Edward still have a few issues to muddle through. And Jacob will be making an appearance, too... previews, anyone?

Oh, and I'm off on holiday for two weeks, with no internet access, so I may not reply to reviews straight away. But rest assured, if you review, I will get back to you eventually!

Many thanks to everyone who voted for my stories in the "You're Never Too Young to Write" contest. Thy Beauty came 1st and 3rd in the Romance and Drama categories, respectively. Since it was up against some seriously talented authors' works, I'm floored. It means a lot to me that this story has done so well. Thank you. x


	10. Epilogue

A/N: I like Jacob. I really do. But Edward doesn't. Just a warning.

Thank you all for your patience. I know I'm terrible when it comes to updates. This story was intended to be a one-shot, and I love what it's transformed into. Now that we've reached the end, I have to thank everyone who convinced me that my first chapter was worth continuing. Thy Beauty has been painful at times, but a joy to write.

This chapter was painful to part with, because I know that it's the end. And I don't want it to be.

* * *

_He's mad that trusts in the tameness of a wolf._

-Shakespeare's King Lear, Act 3 Scene 6

* * *

Epilogue

Jacob Black.

Upon first acquaintance with the boy, I had foolishly, perilously underestimated him. I knew after our second clash, however, that I would not do so again.

The boy was dangerous. That was undeniable.

He was one of the many problems I was now facing. There was much to do. Prices to pay. But with Bella by my side again, I was gladly paying them.

Charlie Swan's incessant hovering was one of these problems. Of course, my nightly scaling of the Swan house wall went unnoticed as always, but every daylight hour spent without Bella was painful in the extreme.

Of course, some nights as she lay by my side unconscious of my presence, were hard too. One such night stood out among the rest.

The moon was full, and for once unencumbered by thick cloud cover. Bella's bedroom was awash with an eerily bright glow, and as I crept through the open window I saw that even with the light surrounding her, Bella had fallen asleep while waiting for me. I felt a pang of remorse. I was keeping her up too late, desperate to have just one more second in her company. She must have been exhausted.

She still didn't look entirely restful, even while sleeping. Frown marks marred her face. I could see the lines etched deep into her skin. Even as I watched, she rolled onto her side, curling up into a protective foetal position. She clutched her midriff in apparent agony. A whimper escaped her tightly pressed lips.

"Bella?" I whispered, anxiously. "Bella, wake up."

But my words seemed to only provoke yet more fear in her unconscious mind. At my voice, she moaned – a low, pain-ridden cry. I knew now that I _had_ to wake her.

"Wake up Bella, please," I begged, shaking her shoulder softly.

"Edward."

"It isn't real, Bella," I murmured. "Whatever it is, it isn't real."

But I was wrong. Her nightmare was real – in a sense. More than an unconscious trail of thought, Bella was re-living a memory.

"No," she pleaded. "Don't go."

Watching her writhing in her sleep, I had a brief moment of insanity. I looked down at her, saw all the pain I'd inflicted upon her, and I almost considered the idea of leaving again. After all, this was my fault. It was my name she was crying. I had done this to her.

I didn't deserve to be here.

But then, my wits returned to me as I remembered that it was my _absence_ that had caused this, not my presence in her life. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. I would stay.

"No. No, don't go. Don't go."

I choked back a sob of my own as I heard Bella's whimper, so very in tune with my own thoughts.

"I'm not leaving," I whispered to her, drilling the words forcefully into my own mind as well as hers. "I'm not leaving you, okay? I _can't_."

And I knew that _that_ was true. Even if it were for the best, I couldn't leave Bella now.

"You... don't... want me?" Bella whispered, still tossing in her sheets.

_I do, Bella. I do want you. Always._

"I want you Bella," I told her, shaking yet more vigorously. "I love you."

"No," she whimpered. "Not real. Not here. No, no, no, no, no..."

"_BELLA!_"

I'd shouted as loudly as I dared, with Charlie Swan so close at hand. But as Bella sat bolt upright in her bed, panting in exhaustion, I could not bring myself to care about anything other than her current state of mind. If Charlie _had_ awakened in that moment, I wouldn't have known.

Bella's watery eyes focused on me.

"Ed- Edward," she stammered, obviously still half-asleep. "You're here? R-really here?"

"I'm here."

"You're here," she repeated forcefully, as if trying to convince herself of this fact. The tears behind her eyes began to fall. I rubbed her back soothingly as they dripped down, staining her blotchy red cheeks.

"Yes, Bella. I'm here. I'll always be here."

"You're not leaving," she whispered. "You won't leave. You love me and you're not going to leave me. Not again. It was a mistake. You won't leave. You love me."

My heart ached.

"I love you."

She fisted my crumpled shirt in her hands, crawling closer above my body to touch her lips to mine. It was almost rough, the way our lips moved together. Powerful, possessive, driven by her desperation. I kissed her back, gentle in comparison, letting her know that I was there, that I would always be there, that I was weak, needy, submissive to her every wish.

"If I could take it back – ,"

She shushed me, her lips still lingering against mine.

"Don't. No regrets. You're here and you love me. That's enough."

_Enough for forever._

We'd been inseparable that night, and much of the day after, despite Chief Swan's strict visitation restrictions. I'd spent the entire day sitting patiently in her bedroom, just listening to her breathe, eat, speak. She, in turn, had monitored my movements just as closely, racing up the stairs every few minutes just to check that I was still there, still watching over her. If her father had been suspicious of her sudden desire to remain locked away in the privacy of her poky little bedroom, I did not know. I was far too wrapped up in Bella's every movement that day to pay much attention to the frustratingly vague thoughts of Charlie Swan.

The next day, Bella, Alice and I returned to school.

After all that had happened, Forks High was the least important thing on my mind when we'd returned to Washington. But Esme, ever the practical planner, had apparently contacted the principal immediately upon our return. We were re-enrolled, to the great delight of the entire staff faculty. Jasper had presented us both with papers from a school in L.A. (courtesy of J. Jenks) and within five minutes we were up-to-date on the course material we had missed.

Or so the principal assumed, anyway.

The first day of school was... difficult, to say the least. In the privacy of Bella's house, it was easy to forget that the Cullen departure must have been the talk of the tiny town last September. Now that we were back, our return was certainly the freshest gossip of the student body.

The worst part wasn't even spoken aloud. But it was still there, in almost everybody's minds. Memories of Bella last year, walking alone through the hallways. Her expressionless face, those bottomless eyes so deadened and blank...

_Pathetic_. Lauren Mallory's snide whisper forced it's unwelcome way into my mind. _Just pathetic. He strides back after however-many-months... and she slithers into his lap again. Talk about desperation. Not that I blame her for wanting him... rich, good-looking...and now he owes her big-time. Perhaps she's making him pay..._

I growled lowly, barely resisting the urge to snap the bratty little girl's neck. She wasn't the only one eying Bella resentfully, wondering why on Earth she had forgiven me so easily. I knew I deserved it, but she didn't. Had these people never heard of love? How could they believe Bella's intentions to be as shallow as their own?

A boy I recognised from Spanish passed me, staring. _So it's true. The Cullen's are back._

Another student, walking in the other direction actually stopped in her tracks as I passed. _Oh my..._

Curious glances, unabashed stares and angry glares met my eyes. The latter, I knew without doubt that I deserved.

"Stop that," Bella whispered in my ear.

I felt her hand slide into mine and looked down to see her frowning up at me.

"Stop what?"

"Degrading yourself, tormenting yourself. Whatever you're thinking, it's not true."

I had to smile in appreciation of her astuteness. Since when had _she_ become the mind reader?

"Bella, I can hear what each and every one of your classmates are thinking," I explained, wearily. "The majority of them are thinking about us, and none of it is particularly good."

"That doesn't matter," she insisted, frowning up at me like an angry little kitten.

"Bella, if you knew what they were thinking about _you_ – "

"It doesn't matter, Edward. I've told you before, I don't care what anyone else thinks. _You_ are what is important to me right now. Not _them_."

I sighed. "You make it so difficult to defend you."

"You're just looking for an excuse to wallow," she retorted stubbornly.

"I – "

"If you're hurting yourself, you're hurting me, too. So stop it." She glared. Again, like an adorable fluffy kitten trying its best to appear threatening and only succeeding in looking even cuter.

_But even kittens have claws_, I reminded myself. And Bella looked quite ready to start sharpening hers if I continued to understate her threats.

I sighed. "Fine. I know you're worried. I'll stop being miserable if you agree to do the same. Do we have an agreement?"

She scowled. "Fine."

I raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes and plastered a ridiculously fake grin to her pale face. I couldn't help but chuckle at her obviously sour mood, and a real grin spread across her cheeks at the sound.

"There," she beamed. "Much better."

"Is he tormenting himself again, Bella?" Alice asked cheerfully as she came up behind us. The irritating little girl pried our hands apart and squished her tiny body between us, grinning all the while at my glare.

"I'll hit him for you if you'd like that," she offered with a laugh.

"No thanks, Alice," Bella said, looking slightly put out at our separation. I leaned over my sister's spiky head to whisper in Bella's ear.

"I'll hit _her_ for you, if you'd like _that_," I joked, and Bella giggled, nodding playfully.

Alice slapped me on the arm.

"Watch it, moron! Psychic, remember?"

I let Alice take control of the situation as she steered us towards the cafeteria. We kept up our banter, delighting at Bella's enthusiasm. But as we drew nearer, Bella's grin drooped and she began to tremble. Although she claimed to be impervious to the opinions of her peers, I knew better.

"Relax," I told her. "After everything you've been through, you surely can't be _this_ worried about school?"

She bit her lip, eyes still darting around the room. She didn't seem to want to move from the doorway, so I pushed Alice away and reached out for Bella's hand again, easing her gently into a slow walk. My sister huffed behind us and sped up, only to link arms with Bella. I knew we looked ridiculous, flanking Bella like some bizarre vampire escort. But she seemed comforted by our presence.

"Hey, Angela!"

Angela Weber and her boyfriend Ben Cheney were sitting at a lunch table close to the cafeteria entrance. She was staring wide-eyed at Alice, who had called out to her.

I noted with distaste that Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory were also seated at this table. These two conniving children were eyeing Bella, their minds spitting venom. I tried to focus on Ben and Angela rather than the rest of the clamour engulfing my mind. I remembered now why I found High School so monotonously dreary. These juvenile minds were enough to drive anyone insane.

"Do you mind if we join you?" I asked Angela slowly, doing my best not to give the poor girl a heart attack. She seemed unable to process our sudden appearance. I knew it was because Angela was too sensible to listen to trivial High School gossip. She hadn't known of our return.

"Um," she said blankly. I tried to smile encouragingly.

"Sure, go ahead," said Ben, when Angela still had not found her voice.

"So Angela, how've you been?" Alice asked cheerily as she took her place beside the shy, awe-struck girl.

"Um... good," she mumbled. She shook her head as if to rearrange her thought processes, which were spinning wildly in every direction. Finally she settled on a reaction to our return: joy.

"How've you been?" she asked suddenly, determined to overcome her shyness and show her true enthusiasm. "How was L.A.? Why've you come back? Are you back for good? How long have you been back for? What – "

"Whoa, Ang! One at a time, or you'll scare them," Ben said, not altogether surprised by his girlfriend's uncharacteristic exuberance. I saw that he had anticipated this reaction from her – he knew how much Bella's self-inflicted isolation had unsettled her.

Isolation. The key word in his thoughts. It seemed that Bella had... distanced herself from her friends? Was that the reason why she was so nervous today to make an appearance with me in front of her classmates? I stared down at her, my thought processes instantly forgotten as we locked eyes. I asked myself for the millionth time why she had forgiven me... if I would ever redeem myself enough to be worthy of her...

Alice laughed, answering Angela's questions with the vague truths we'd agreed to.

"L.A. was nice and… sunny," she said with a mischievous grin, "but Esme missed the small town life – and Edward missed the small town girl – so we came back. For good. We've just been back a couple of days."

Angela smiled. _And of course, Bella's been missing for a couple of days. Doesn't take a genius to work out where she's been..._

I chuckled. Angela was a sensible girl. Of course, that was more likely than the truth – that Bella had flown off to Italy on a spur-of-the-moment race to save me from myself. I shook my head, marvelling at how perfect the alibi was. Bella looked up at me curiously as I rolled a strand of her hair between my fingers.

And then Mike Newton walked through the cafeteria doors.

_Aw, hell. It's true. Cullen's back._

I grimaced, preparing for the idiot to start acting or thinking obscenely. But surprisingly, he seemed to be past his affection for my girl. In fact, after just a brief spurt of jealousy and disbelief at Bella's quick acceptance of my return, he huffed to himself and collapsed into the free chair beside Jessica.

_Too much baggage_, he told himself. _Cullen's welcome to her. I'm done with that._

Hmm. Maybe he wasn't such an idiot after all. And maybe I'd rethink that tantalising fantasy of snapping his neck during biology...

He was completely wrong though. Bella _was_ worth the baggage. She was worth everything. I smiled down at her again, kissing her hair. Mike Newton didn't even blink.

Perfect.

"We'd better get going," I told Bella, ten minutes before the bell was due to begin. "I still have to speak to Mr. Banner, confirm my place in your class."

Bella glanced back towards Angela and Mike, both of whom were in our biology class too.

"Go on," Mike said grouchily, shooing us away with his hand. Despite seeming to have given up on Bella, he was still feeling bitter about my re-appearance into her life.

Angela smiled and nodded as Bella waved goodbye. We had collected our belongings and begun to walk away, when I heard Angela lean in once more to speak to my sister.

"It's great that you're back," she said quietly, obviously unaware that I could still here her from this distance. "Edward, especially. I was worried for Bella. She's been really... down."

I stopped in my tracks.

Bella.

I'd seen memories of her from a thousand different angles today. But Angela cared for Bella. From Angela's perspective, the memories were so much worse.

_Bella walking to the cafeteria alone, sitting down with her lunch only to stare at the food before her._

_Bella clutching her midriff, gasping quietly under her breath in biology, an empty seat beside her._

_Bella dodging peers and ignoring questions._

Bella, alone.

Bella blank, Bella void, Bella numb, Bella empty, Bella lost, Bella gone, Bella drained, Bella cold, Bella –

_Edward? Edward! Snap out of it! You're scaring the poor girl and people are staring!_

I turned my head sharply towards my sister, acutely aware that I had been gazing at Angela for at least ten seconds. I was sure the horror and desperation I felt were etched plainly across my face. Alice's glare was hard and cold, forcing me back to the present.

_Look at her, Edward. Look at her. She's right beside you. She's okay. She's fine._

I did as Alice said. It was almost a surprise to see Bella staring up at me anxiously. I hadn't felt it, but she'd been tugging on my arm for quite some time. And her eyes were alight with panic and worry and _life_. The expressionless, sallow face from Angela's memory was just that – a memory. Nothing more.

I drew Bella into my arms, right there, in the middle of the cafeteria. The gesture sent a few of the sappy teenage girls around us reeling, but I paid no attention, and neither, it seemed, did Bella.

"Idiot boy," Alice muttered, more to herself and Angela than to me.

"Edward seems very... upset," Bella's friend noted, glancing worriedly my way. The poor girl did indeed seem shell-shocked – my stark white face was ingrained into her mind.

"It's okay," Bella herself said soothingly into my shoulder. "Whatever it is, it's fine now, okay?"

I nodded, still not quite at ease. It didn't take me long to realise why.

_He looks like Bella._

Angela was still examining me curiously from across the other side of the cafeteria.

_He looks like she did. When they... left. Hurt. Broken. He's suffered, just as she has. Edward's expression... that deadened, haunted expression..._

I realised in that moment, just how wonderful a friend Angela had been to my Bella. Never pushing, but always there. Her timid attempts to start conversation, her enthusiasm to keep Bella integrated in their friendship group... I doubted even Bella herself knew just how much time Angela had spent fretting over her lonely, lost friend.

I decided her efforts needed recognition.

I couldn't speak to her then. I needed time to compose myself. After an hour sitting beside Bella and another hour in which I'd eavesdropped shamelessly on her lesson, I felt marginally better. I caught up with Angela later that day. She was just exiting her Calculus class, cramming books into her bag as I approached.

"Angela?"

She jumped about a foot in the air, before spinning around in disbelief.

_Edward. He's talking to me. Wait. He's talking to me? Why's he talking to me?_

"Oh," she said. "Um... hi."

"I just wanted to say... thank you," I explained. "For being Bella's friend. I know... I know how she's felt for these last few months, because I've felt the same way. I'm glad that she at least, had someone to watch out for her while I was... away."

Angela's eyes were still wide with shock. As I'd spoken, blood pooled beneath her cheeks in embarrassment. By the time I'd finished, she was flushed bright red and fiddling nervously with the straps of her satchel, only succeeding in fraying the material beneath her fingers. But her whirling thoughts told me of her satisfaction with my words. She had worried that the emotional bond between Bella and I had faded on my part. She was relieved to see through my actions and words that this was far from the case.

"I-It's nothing," she mumbled. "I mean, she and I... we rarely... I don't speak much, and..."

I smiled, warmly. Angela was a shy girl, but her actions and her genuinely caring mind always spoke far more than her words. I knew how much she'd thought about Bella in the last few months, even if Bella herself wasn't aware of Angela's well doing.

"I just... I don't like to see her hurt," Angela continued. "She's a good person, and... she deserves to be happy. But can I make a suggestion?"

"Of course," I said, though I heard my voice harden slightly, as I knew the suggestion she was about to make.

"Thank Jacob Black. He's a friend of Bella's. He lives on the La Push reservation. He's really helped Bella cope with... well, he's really helped Bella cope. She seemed better whenever she visited him. I'm sure he's done a lot to pull her out of her shell. Not that she needed... I mean... I..." She trailed off, unwilling to disclose any more about Bella's state of mind during those last terrible months, afraid that I was unaware of how much damage I had caused. She didn't want to sound rude or accusing. Unlike her social peers, Angela actually cared about the feelings of the people around her.

And she cared about Bella enough to notice the boy's influence on her behaviour. Angela thought she was helping. In truth, I didn't need her words to remind me of Bella's wolf friend. The boy plagued my thoughts daily. I owed him more than Angela realised, however much I wished to God that I didn't.

I pursed my lips. "Thank you, Angela. I'll remember that."

She dared to glance up from her bag and offered me a cautious smile, which I returned instantly. I wanted to say more, but the shy girl was already more than alarmed by my forward gratitude, and I did not want to scare her any further. I turned to leave, when she called out to me.

"Oh, and Edward?"

I already knew from her mind what she wanted to say, but I played along, turning back to face Angela and raising an eyebrow expectantly.

"Thank _you_. For being Bella's... everything. Thank you for coming back to her."

And then, blushing profusely still, and seemingly shocked at her own bravery, she turned and shuffled away. I smiled. Now, if only Bella's other friend was so thoughtful... so _human_.

And I'd feel a lot more secure if her friends were all _female_, too.

On our second day of school, the subject of college came up. Angela timidly asked Bella where she was planning to apply to. She grimaced, looked up at me nervously and mumbled something about plans to stay close to home.

This was Bella's senior year. The end of her school days and her journey into the unknown, the unprecedented. Surely she was well prepared?

But apparently not.

"I -I'm not really sure," she confessed. "I applied to a few local universities... Seattle, Washington, Northwest. I thought I'd do something relating to Literature..." She trailed away, feebly. Obviously, with our graduation deadline, she deemed the subject unnecessary now.

College was a human experience. I wanted her to experience it while she was _still_ human.

That night, I printed out eleven college application forms. The following night I printed twelve more. Of course, the deadlines for application were long expired, but past experience had taught me that connections built up over one-hundred years or so took a person very far indeed. Once the universities accepted the call –_and the cash _– from Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the lateness of the application would be irrelevant.

I was still clinging to one last vain hope that Bella might experience college life before her change. She claimed that college was "plan B", but I could see the hesitance lingering behind her eyes. Carlisle's option was looking less and less pleasing every day. I knew it was only a matter of time before she relented, and I wanted her to be ready when she did. So I contacted every university I knew – from Dartmouth to Peninsula Community College. Everything from Ivy League and down. I told Bella it didn't matter if the top colleges didn't accept her. It was only a little white lie. It did matter, of course. But I _knew_ that they would accept her, so it was a moot point. Only the best college experience would be worth Bella's time.

Bella's slowly dwindling time...

I'd almost come to terms with the idea of her change.

Change...

I didn't like the word change. It implied that Bella wouldn't be herself when she finally joined my family. That she would be... different. Changed.

Of course, I knew that I would have to accept some changes. There were the unimportant physical changes. And Bella would experience her own personal changes at first – the thirst, depression, isolation, ...

Still, those were things _I_ went through, and they'd lessened over time. Bella was different. She wouldn't feel isolated with me by her side. And we'd keep her as comfortable as possible. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing.

It amazed me that although I was utterly terrified at the thought of Bella as a savage, frightened newborn, she was still resolutely claiming that she looked forward to the event. We'd spoken about the effects of the change in great detail, but none of the gruesome particulars of vampirism seemed to deter her. My brave, stubborn girl would not show any fright, though there was much to be frightened of. And not just her change.

The Volturi.

The werewolves.

Victoria.

Yes, Victoria was very worrisome. I'd thought a lot about Victoria. Specifically, the best way to rip her filthy body to pieces. Sometimes, thinking tactically, I decided to go for the quickest approach. The head first, then the other vitals – arms, legs, torso. And then I thought of all the fear she'd provoked in my Bella, and my still heart sprang back to life, calling out for revenge. Calling for the deed to be done slowly, _painfully_.

I wanted to kill her myself. However it was done, I wanted to be the one to do it.

Carlisle had resolutely disagreed.

I'd heeded his request. I sat down with Carlisle and Esme the day after Bella's vote. Our discussion had touched upon so many topics. I found myself agreeing with everything Carlisle had to say about ensuring a peaceful, controlled environment for Bella's change. I felt a pang of remorse for the way I'd treated him after Bella's intervention.

"Carlisle, I'm sorry. For yesterday. I was wrong, I see that now."

He shook his head, smiling sympathetically.

"There was no right or wrong, Edward. I stand by my decision, but you know as well as I do how difficult it was for me to come to my conclusion. I had to think about you, Edward. Your wellbeing. If Bella remains human, eventually you will have to let her go. And we all know now that letting Bella go is not an option anymore."

"I'd die without her."

"Exactly," Carlisle said gently. "Which brings us back to the events in Italy."

I nodded, slowly. I knew that Carlisle and Esme would understand anything and everything I told them about my attempted suicide in the sunlit Italian square. But the moment seemed so private. I wasn't sure that I knew how to relay my version of events.

"I..."

Esme and Carlisle understood my hesitation.

"When I jumped," Esme began, speaking aloud for Carlisle's benefit. "I expected an easy death. I assumed it would be quick and easy. A painless exit from a life so full of misery."

I grimaced as Esme remembered her suffering. Her jump was far from the quick, easy experience she'd anticipated.

"It wasn't easy," she continued. "But I'm glad. If it _had_ killed myself, Carlisle wouldn't have gotten to me in time, and I wouldn't be here now."

I thought about this. About what I knew she was trying to say.

"It's almost impossible for our kind to be killed," Carlisle said, echoing my thoughts. "But you tried. And so have I. Failed attempts."

I thought back to that fateful day in Volterra, so many million years ago. I marvelled at the fact that, in actuality, it had only been four days. Four long days. And I felt like a completely different person. My ideals and beliefs were new and raw. Here I was, actually calmly discussing subjects such as Bella's transformation with my father! It was surreal.

Esme was examining me curiously. She was pleading with me in her mind to open up. To speak more about the moment I'd succumbed to the idea of suicide.

I knew I should confide in Carlisle and Esme, my companions for ninety years, the friends so close to me that I called them my parents. But it was hard to even think about that moment in time. All I could remember when I looked back was Bella – her warm body engulfing me, wiping away my fears. It was all I could bear to remember. I did not want to think about what had occurred before or after that moment – the pain or the danger we were in. Just Bella and her arms. The rest, I told myself, was unimportant.

Of course, deep down, I knew it _was_ important. And Carlisle and Esme knew it too.

"When I... stepped out," I said, determined to talk the moment through, however much pain the memory cost me, "I felt... happy. I was happy. I wanted to leave this world. The world held no worth without Bella."

_And now?_

"Now I see that I was deluded. The pain of living... it was unlike anything, Carlisle. I was completely disorientated. When I first saw Bella... I thought I was in heaven," I admitted, and I heard the wonder of Carlisle's thoughts as I said it. "She _is_ my heaven. I don't think there's any clear way to explain it, but – "

"You needn't explain it, Edward," Esme interrupted. "We understand."

Of course. I knew Esme would understand. She had believed herself dead after her jump. She had first assumed Carlisle to be an angel – a heaven-sent relic of the perfect man she'd once met.

_We all have different ways of finding our faith, _Carlisle mused._ Yours seems to come to you through your love for her._

"Yes," I agreed, remembering how Bella's forgiveness had given me hope, not only in the future, but in myself.

"And Edward," Esme continued. "I know that living seems cruel sometimes. You know better than anyone how hard our way of life can be. But you must understand that you're not alone in this life. You have us – and Bella soon, too."

_But are you okay with that? With us – and Bella?_

I thought carefully about what she was trying to ask.

"We're in just as much danger now as we were then," I said. "But... I want to face it. I want to do whatever it takes to keep Bella and keep her alive – forever. If that means changing her, then so be it."

_Bella will be okay, Edward_, Carlisle assured me. _She's with her family again now. We'll protect her._

It was then that I'd brought up the subject of Victoria. And expressed my enthusiasm for her demise.

Carlisle had sighed and rubbed his temples in a very human gesture of weariness.

"I suppose we have no choice," he said at last. "Victoria has made her intentions perfectly clear. We allowed her to escape last time, with the understanding that James was our more threatening enemy, but it seems that she has decided to follow in his footsteps. She wants to take Bella from us. We cannot allow that to happen."

I nodded in agreement.

"Exactly," I said. "Which is why I think I should – "

"We," Carlisle corrected sternly. "_We_ should. You're not facing her alone, Edward, however much you'd like to."

I glowered, but acquiesced. Carlisle knew me too well. I wanted to fight Victoria. One-on-one. And even if the others backed me up, I knew that when the time came, I'd still find some way to get to her myself.

She was hunting my mate. She was my kill. I'd make sure of that. Even if the wolves claimed their rights to her death, I'd find some way to deliver her punishment myself.

The wolves...

I'd taken to referring to Bella's wolf _friend_ as 'the boy'. Never to her face, of course. I rarely mentioned his name aloud, anyway. It was bad enough acknowledging his presence as a boy in her life. I preferred to block him from my thoughts at all times. When I did think of him, it was only to imagine him as a nameless entity, a shapeless human figure. A boy. No distinguishing characteristics. Nothing Bella could possibly form an attachment to. He was 'the boy'. Just a boy. Nothing else. Nothing of any great importance.

Of course, then I remembered how futile my attempts had been to convince myself the same of Bella when she'd first stumbled into my life. She was the girl then – the only girl in the world. My mind had fixated on her, unable to forget her, desperately referring to her as 'the girl', as if discarding all personality would somehow make me forget her scent, her kindness, her mystery...

I'd failed then. Bella was now so much more than 'the girl' in my eyes. She'd fallen in love with the demon and he'd agreed to mark her as his. But what if the girl didn't want to be mine anymore? What if she wanted the boy?

She spoke of him often. It was unbearable, in more ways than one. I did my best to block these conversations from my mind, because it was too painful to acknowledge that there was another of whom she spoke so frequently, so tenderly. I learnt more about him through her constant attempts to contact him, her fretful calls. She told me everything he'd done for her. He sounded caring, loyal, brave. Someone she could laugh with. Have fun with.

He also sounded childish. Ungrateful. Tactless. And he was a _werewolf_. Her fond memories made him sound so human, but I never forgot for a second what he was.

And I loathed him.

It was three days after our return that she decided to call him. He knew she was back – the wolves all knew, and were steering clear – but Bella had had no correspondence with her so-called 'friend'. I'd arrived at her bedroom window late that night to find her clenching her fists in aggravation.

"I called Jacob," she explained, and my heart had clenched in fear. "His father picked up. Made some ridiculous excuse. Busy. Homework or something. It's a lie. We always did our homework together. Jake hardly has any schoolwork right now!"

"I'm sorry, Bella."

And I _was_ sorry. Although I would rather she didn't spend time with werewolves, I didn't like to see her so hurt.

She sniffed, obviously upset, but determined to mask her disappointment with anger. And she had done so very effectively, for days. Days passed, slow during the daytime, yet too fast during the moments we spent together. She tried to contact her friend almost every day, with no success. I vowed to spend as much time as possible making her happy, and it worked to an extent. She would forget about her lost friendship while we were together. It was when she was alone that the memories came back to her, and she made her fruitless attempts to speak to the boy. I knew that she wanted desperately to hear from him.

One week later, she was granted her wish.

It was a Tuesday. The rain was trickling down steadily. Bella and I had just left _Newton's Olympic Outfitters_, her place of work. Bella's grounding still stood, but as Charlie approved of the Newton boy, she was still allowed to work and I had opted to drive her home. She had readily agreed, and told me to meet her at five o'clock. Unable to wait, I'd arrived at three. With Mike Newton and his mother working obliviously away at the back of the shop, it had been nice to spend two hours alone and unafraid, laughing playfully with Bella.

Until of course, the boy was brought up in conversation again. At the end of her shift, while I brought the car closer to the door, she had tried to phone her friend again, with the same cruel results.

"It's just plain rude! Downright insulting!"

I grit my teeth together, but said nothing. It _was_ rude and insulting. Despite my relief that the werewolves were staying away from Bella, I'd gladly throttle the boy for ignoring her calls this way. Bella deserved far more from her supposed 'friend', and I could see through her anger to the sadness that lay below.

"Billy said he didn't want to talk to me," she continued bitterly. "That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!"

I felt a spark of pain sear through my hatred at these words – I knew that the Blacks' avoidance of Bella's calls had nothing to do with her. It was not her they hated.

It was me. They were ignoring her because of me, and I wanted to rip their throats out because of it. And I also wanted to beat myself to a pulp, knowing as I did that I was the true cause of her pain.

"It's not you, Bella," I murmured. "Nobody hates you."

"Feels that way."

I sighed. I had hoped to avoid getting too deep into a conversation about the werewolves with Bella. For some unfathomable reason, she didn't see the danger her friends posed, and I knew that if I brought it up, she'd react in the same defensive way she did when I tried to explain the dangers of dating a vampire.

Still, I couldn't possibly change the subject now. Not while she still felt unloved. After everything we'd been through this year, I couldn't possibly allow her to feel that way again.

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you," I explained. "He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply."

"That's stupid. He knows you're not... like other vampires."

_And he also knows that I'm with you._

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance," I replied, all I'd heard of the boy's frequent motorcycling sessions springing to mind. Just the idea of his arms around her, hands touching hers, made me want to –

No. I wouldn't. Or at least, I'd hope that I wouldn't. It would only cause Bella more pain. The boy, on the other hand... I knew we would have to meet sooner or later, but I was hoping to delay our meeting for as long as possible. I knew it would be a heated discussion and I didn't much want to test a _child's_ control.

"Bella, we are what we are," I said. I'd tried to explain this already, with very little success. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k – "

_Kill_.

"Before I hurt him," I amended, quickly. "You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen."

Silence, thick and tense, engulfed us as I continued to drive down the narrow, rain-soaked path. Bella was frozen in her seat, heart beating erratically at my words. I wanted to look towards her, read her expression, but I kept my eyes fixated on the road, hoping beyond hope that she hadn't noticed my slip...

I turned the corner and a red light came into view. I stopped. We sat perfectly still in silence. Everything had stopped. The atmosphere was suffocating, even for a _vampire_. I knew she'd heard me.

"Edward Cullen, were you about to say '_killed_ him'?" she whispered slowly. "Were you?"

The conversation had started again and the red light turned to green. But this time, I drove more carefully – both on the road and in our conversation. I couldn't lie. But I couldn't take back what I'd already unintentionally revealed, either.

_I always say too much when I'm talking to you. That's one of the problems._

"I would try... _very_ hard... not to do that."

It was honest. It was not what she would want to hear, but it was honest. And honesty was all I could give her now.

I could see her gaping at me. I couldn't bear to meet her gaze. I focused on the road. On the people and vehicles outside, oblivious to our conversation. Slowly, Bella's heartbeat slowed and her mouth closed. Her breathing steadied, but only very slightly.

"Well, nothing like that is ever going to happen," She said shakily, and I could hear the struggle it took her to control her voice, keep it casual. "So there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home right now before I get in more trouble for being late."

I should have been thankful for the change in conversation, but her abrupt dismissal of my slip shocked me. Even worse, she had suddenly expressed a desire to return home as quickly as possible. And that had never happened before. Ever.

She wanted to leave.

Our light-hearted afternoon seemed so long ago now. I said nothing in reply, drawing miserably back into my mind as I recalled our conversation. She believed that nothing like that would ever happen... but I knew that it would only be a matter of time. We needed to converse with the wolves to determine where Victoria had disappeared to. And though we'd seen neither hair nor hide of them, I knew that our reappearance so soon after our exit would not be a cause for celebration at the Quileute reservation.

_...When I get my hands on her... no more... believe... the nerve... behind my back!..._

As I drove closer to Bella's house, turning into her road, I noted something very strange. Charlie Swan's thoughts was surprisingly clear in my mind today. In most circumstances, I could only discern the emotion behind his thoughts. Sometimes, a few words slipped through the fog. Now, in his fury, I could hear almost everything.

And it wasn't just that. I could hear someone else's thoughts too.

My worry over Bella's reaction was suddenly overridden by something much worse.

_The boy._

"You're already in more trouble, Bella."

As soon as I spoke, she tensed, clutching my arm and staring unseeingly through the rain-flecked windscreen. It comforted me slightly that she still drew closer to me at the first hint of danger. But I was consumed in more pressing troubles now.

I mulled over my options. This was soon, much too soon. It seemed that the meeting I had hoped to prolong was about to happen now. I could hear the bitter jealousy radiating from the boy. He was angry. This could very easily turn into a fight. A fight that I would win.

And lose Bella in the process.

But in that moment, Jacob Black caught a hint of my scent, and all options were gone. I had no choice. He wanted to talk and as the closest representative of my Coven, I would have to meet him.

_Oh good. The bloodsucker's here._

"What? What is it?" Bella asked, still searching for the cause of my alarm. But where to begin? Her father or her friend?

_I'll kill her!_ Charlie fumed. _She's asking for it – driving a death trap like that!_

_He's with Bella, _the dog realised._ Finally letting her out of the house, is he?_

"Charlie – "

"My dad?" She was panicking. Victoria, the Volturi or the werewolves must have been on her mind. And indeed, it was a werewolf we were dealing with, but not a savage attack as she had undoubtedly assumed.

"Charlie is... probably _not_ going to kill you, but he's thinking about it," I finished, thinking fast. The boy knew that Bella was close by. And if Jacob Black wanted to speak with me, I wanted Bella to be there too. As part of our family, she deserved to hear what the wolves had to say, and maybe this would give her a better indication of the seriousness of our pact.

And it would give me a better indication of just how friendly she really was with this _Jake_.

I drove quickly past Bella's house and towards the trees on the edge of the forest. Those trees with eyes so wide and shrewd. They'd seen so many things. A thousand dark memories, enswathed in their branches...

_The trail stopped abruptly, in the middle of nowhere in particular. She'd gone just a few steps off the trial, into the ferns, where she'd touched the trunk of a fallen tree. Perhaps sat there..._

"_Don't go into the woods alone," I warned her, wondering if this request would trigger the objection in her eyes..._

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me."_

The forest haunted me, day and night. And now, I would have to meet Jacob Black in those trees – a new unpleasant memory to torture myself with.

"What did I do?" Bella asked beside me, bewildered. Lost as I was, in my recollections, the pain in her voice only brought back more memories. Unable to speak, I said nothing as I switched off the engine. But my sideways glance back to the shiny red motorcycle on her front lawn said everything.

I heard a gasp.

"No! _Why_? Why would Jacob do this to me?"

The pain in her voice was unmistakable. I didn't know what I'd expected – maybe she would be worried about Charlie's reaction, or wonder where the boy had gone. But in the moment I'd read the boy's mind and heard of his betrayal, I hadn't realised how much it would _hurt_ her.

Bella was easily hurt by those she loved. I knew that from past experience. And Bella was hurting now. But did that mean... could Bella possibly...?

Two tears ran down her cheeks. More welled up behind her eyes. I rubbed her hand soothingly, but looked back towards the forest, giving her some semblance of privacy and allowing her the opportunity to dry her eyes.

We sat in silence for a moment longer. I knew she was thinking hard. I would give anything to know what it was she was thinking. As it was, the boy's thoughts were hardly pleasing and very difficult to drown out.

Bella sniffed.

"Is he still here?" she finally asked. She sounded surprisingly... _angry_?

"Yes," I said, nodding towards the ominous dark path before us. "He's waiting for us there."

She nodded, her face grim and set. And then she was leaping from the car and sprinting through the ferns. I saw her back tense. Her fists balled up.

She was very angry. Just as I had been prepared to kill the boy for daring to anger her, she prepared to lash out, not thinking clearly. And I didn't want either of us to act rashly and regret it later. The boy was stronger than Bella anyway. If it came down to a fight, I wanted her out of the way.

I leapt after her. My arms were around her waist before she even registered my appearance.

"Let me go!" she screamed, surprising me with her ferocity. Weak, pliable fingers tried in vain to pry my hands away as she searched blindly for the werewolf. "I'm going to murder him!" she declared. "_Traitor_!"

Try as I may, I couldn't completely contain my satisfaction as I heard him recoil from her hatred. His initial feeling had been one of sick triumph – as a child he was young and impulsive, acting first and regretting it later. Now, as I listened, the guilt was starting to seep through his confident facade.

_Guess I deserve that_, he thought bitterly.

Bella meanwhile, was still spitting and hissing obscenities to the general direction of the clump of trees in which her former best friend stood.

"Charlie will hear you," I warned her. "And... once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway."

This was true – it was just one of the very many overbearing parenting tactics Charlie was considering. I would have found it humorous, had the fear and panic for Bella's welfare not been in the forefront of his mind as he did so.

"Just give me one round with Jacob and then I'll deal with Charlie," Bella growled, still struggling. She seemed almost animalistic in her rage. That thought brought her looming change quickly back to the forefront of _my_ mind, and so I hastened to redirect my focus of attention to the boy waiting for us.

"Jacob Black wants to see _me_," I told Bella. "That's why he's still here."

She froze. Her arms hung limply at her sides. She seemed to sway, even while I supported her. I saw her mouth one word: _Paris_.

But before I could evaluate this strange action, she whispered timidly, "Talk?"

"More or less," I answered, evasively. It wasn't that I didn't trust Bella. I just wasn't sure she'd like to know the intricacies of Jacob Black's message so soon – particularly since it so directly involved her.

This conversation would not just be a re-establishment of the treaty. It would be a test. The wolves would be very clear as to their intentions, and I knew from Jacob Black's mind that they had no intention of leaving us any loopholes. Bella would be forced to pick a side.

"How much more?" Bella demanded, but her voice was weak. She was trembling still. I guessed from the way her hands suddenly reached up to clutch my wrists possessively that she was afraid – not for herself, but for me, as always. And maybe for the boy, too.

"Don't worry," I soothed, reaching up to brush her hair back from where it had fallen across her eyes in her frenzy. "He's not here to fight me. He's acting as... spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh."

_As soon as she walks through the door... before... walks through... should phone Mrs. Newton now..._

Charlie's fury was still tangible. Though I still couldn't discern every word, I could sense that he was tired of waiting, getting edgy.

"We should hurry. Charlie's getting impatient."

Bella nodded. I loosened my grip around her body slightly, but kept one hand resting on her waist as I steered her towards the boy waiting for us.

Jacob Black's appearance was a surprise. I'd seen him only once – at the prom last year. Alice had thought of him briefly from time to time, but still, not liking to think of such a time, I had blocked her memories from my mind. Jacob Black, as he stood before me now, was the boy I remembered. He was taller, for one thing – he had been just a few inches shorter than me last year, but now he towered above the two of us as we walked to where he stood waiting. His hair was cropped short and he was no longer the bumbling skinny teenager I remembered. He stood confident and self-assured.

But the biggest difference was his face. He looked older. His eyes were lined. More wary. His mouth was pursed into a thin sharp line. His expression was blank. The mask seemed almost heavy on his face – it was a necessary accessory, but it weighed him down. His features were too young to be so robbed of the compassion I knew he held.

It reminded me of myself. It reminded me of Bella.

And I realised that I had been wrong to assume before we'd even met that I hated Jacob Black.

I knew that this boy was my enemy. He was a werewolf. Dangerous. I knew from the uncomfortable, prickling sensation in my veins that he was to be distrusted, even feared, and yet... I could not find it within myself to hate him. The boy was almost delirious with rage and jealousy as he glared down at me with hatred in his eyes, and yet... I could not honestly feel the same way.

Because he loved Bella.

He was _in_ love with her. Despite the strain of his condition, despite the state of Bella's mind, he had mended her heart and somehow broken his along the way. He had the noblest, most honourable intentions of any of her suitors – including myself – and I saw now that he would do anything to keep her safe, keep her _human_.

And how could I hate him, when I thought of all I wanted in the world and saw those same desires reflected in his mind? How could I hate this boy, so young and yet so similar to myself?

I couldn't. I bowed my head, cursing myself for this weakness, while he too cursed me, the demon who'd taken everything he wanted, everything he needed and everything he should rightfully have.

I hated that I couldn't hate him. It only made this harder.

I stopped as soon as I knew that he was within range of sight for Bella. I relinquished my grip around her waist, only to close the distance one step further, bringing myself between the two of them. The boy was trying so hard to contain his anger that his fists were actually shaking. Jacob Black was a young werewolf with an emotional attachment to the girl behind me, and therefore still a threat, no matter how decent his intentions seemed.

Bella shifted with me, peering over my shoulder at the werewolf, animosity and betrayal in her glare.

And there we three stood: the boy, the girl and the demon.

The boy was the first to break the silence.

"Bella," he said, nodding shortly. He wouldn't even look her in the eyes. Couldn't. Beneath the tough exterior he displayed, I sensed again, the boyish, childish reasoning behind his actions. And I could see the shame ebbing away as his rash actions began to catch up with him.

"Why?" Bella asked, sounding close to tears. I wanted to wrap my arms around her comfortingly, but I didn't know how to do so, without making it seem to Jacob as though I was staking my claim upon her. Though I wanted the boy to know she was mine, it would be foolish to provoke him in her company. She could get hurt.

"How could you do this to me, Jacob?" she continued, beseechingly.

His eyes narrowed into slits, though his mind betrayed his sorrow in the face of her pain. But how could he answer her? Shakespeare said it best: _Friendship is constant in all other things, save in the office and affairs of love._

"It's for the best."

_Better a ruined friendship between us, so long as that bloodsucker stays far away_, he determined. Apparently one didn't have to be a mind reader to know how furious Charlie would be with Bella now. Jacob fully expected me to be shut out of Bella's life completely. And once I was away, he would be free to take my place again. Or – as he saw it – take _his_ place. In his mind, I was the thief, taking what wasn't mine.

In my mind, we both were.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" Bella hissed, abruptly switching from hurt to angry once more. Now, her anger was not kittenish, but fiery. "Do you want Charlie to _strangle_ me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?"

Jacob winced. Harry Clearwater, the man whose death had coincidentally collided with Bella's jump sprang to the foreground of his mind. He pictured Charlie's shock and anger with a sudden fear.

_No. No... I... I didn't... __Bella..._

"He didn't want to hurt anyone – he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me," I explained quickly. I knew that Jacob had no intentions of telling Bella his childish reasoning, but I couldn't help myself. Bella deserved to know the truth.

Jacob Black glared daggers at me.

_Of course. The filthy leech can read minds. I forgot. That was stupid. Look at him now, all smug and superior..._

"Aw, Jake! I'm _already_ grounded!" Bella whined now. "Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

_Huh? Is she trying to pretend the leech hasn't kept her on a leash day and night?_

Jacob's eyes finally left mine, glancing Bella's way in confusion.

"That's why?" The uncertainty was evident on his face, and Bella noticed. She seemed pleased to see a glimpse of her old friend again. Jacob on the other hand, cursed himself for letting his guard down, rearranging his face once more into the blank, uncaring expression. He turned back to me with a slight sneer.

"He thought _I_ wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I informed her.

"Stop that," the boy snapped, his temper rising dangerously. I leant ever-so-slightly into an unnoticed crouch as he continued. "Bella wasn't exaggerating about your... abilities. So you must already know why I'm here."

"Yes," I said. "But, before you begin, I need to say something."

I took a deep breath. I'd made up my mind about this a long time ago – even without the prompt from Angela, I'd known that this was the right thing to do. Jacob Black deserved to know and receive my gratitude. It was difficult however, to get the words out, knowing as I did, how much he loathed me.

And even though I didn't necessarily hate the boy, I didn't like him, either. Still, Bella wouldn't be alive and well if it weren't for him. And Bella made everything worth it.

"Thank you," I told him. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my... existence."

Jacob froze in astonishment. He glanced towards Bella again. It was clear though, that he did not understand my declaration of gratitude. He thought of me as a selfish, careless creature. Soulless and unworthy of Bella's attentions. I realised now, that I had thought the very same thing just a few short months ago. Seeing myself in Jacob Black's mind showed me just how far I'd come in my self-perception.

"For keeping Bella alive," I elaborated. "When I... didn't."

I heard a low sigh behind me.

"Edward – ," Bella began, but she fell silent when I motioned for her to stop. I knew what she would say. We had discussed this many times already – _it wasn't my fault, our relationship now was stronger because of the separation, her actions were hers alone, and not for me to fret over_. I didn't agree with most of what she'd said, but that didn't matter now. Now, Jacob Black's reaction was my main concern.

_Keeping Bella... Bella..._

Jacob's eyes narrowed as he too, caught on. For a moment his mind was shocked and... pleased? But just as quickly as it had come, his anger rose again. He trembled with barely suppressed rage. I could tell he was barely holding his emotions together.

"I didn't do it for your benefit," he spat. His mind procured images of Bella through the months they'd shared – a bleak, empty girl whose familiar face I scarcely recognised. And he'd transformed her. Re-created the vivacious girl whose hand I still clutched protectively.

He'd done it for himself. But he'd also done it for Bella. And anyone who had helped Bella helped me, too, however inadvertently.

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you – "

_You could crawl back to your coffin, leach, and stay there this time. Deal?_

Despite the scathing tone, I found myself admiring the boy's quick wit. He clearly had a very similar mind to my Bella's – and perhaps that was the appeal of his friendship to her. Still, I was glad that this was the one thing I could not give him.

"That's not in my power."

He growled. "Whose then?"

I looked down at Bella, and couldn't help but smile slightly at the adorable expression on her face. A frown of confusion marred her otherwise flawless features.

"Hers," I explained, with a nod. "I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistakes twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

Bella looked up at me then, and something undeniable stirred between us as our eyes locked. She gazed up at me, entranced as I was by what we'd both thought lost. But I knew now, that whatever distance I tried to put between us, it would make no difference. The bond between Bella and I was too powerful, all-consuming. I was too greedy – we both were. We needed one another too desperately to ever part again. I knew it, because as I looked into Bella's eyes, I saw the completion I'd always longed for. With Bella beside me, unquenchable love in her eyes, how could anything be wrong?

"Never," she whispered softly.

"_Ugh_."

I sighed. For that brief moment, I'd forgotten Jacob Black existed. But now, he was making his presence known once more.

"Was there something else you needed, Jacob?" Bella asked him now, and I was pleased to hear the scathing bitterness in her tone. "You wanted me in trouble – mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?"

Jacob paused for a moment, dissecting my relationship with Bella, and the way we moved together. It caused him pain to notice how strong the bond between us was, even now, after all he had done for her. Though he scoffed and rolled his eyes, inside he was hurting. And he wanted me to hurt too.

He kept his eyes trained on my every move as he answered her.

"I just needed to remind your _bloodsucking_ _friends_ of a few of the key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute."

"We haven't forgotten," I said quickly. I was eager for this conversation to draw to a close – and I knew that Bella would have something to say about Jacob's message if – _when_ – she heard it. I would rather it wasn't in front of the boy. Best to keep the wolves in the dark for as long as possible.

Bella, however, responded as quickly as I had done.

"What key points?"

Jacob answered, speaking only to me.

"The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite_, not kill."

"That's none of your business," Bella gasped, outraged, before I could stop her.

"The hell it – " Jacob began, reacting automatically, and then pausing mid-retort as the implications of her outburst overwhelmed him.

_No. Bella._

He pictured it. For a moment, as he let her outburst sink in, Jacob Black pictured the future he so loathed. Bella by my side, amber eyes and pale skin. In his mind, she wasn't smiling or frowning. She was blank. Empty. Devoid of all personality, of everything that made her Bella.

She was a demon, like me.

And he knew that he would be forced by his Quileute leaders to attempt to kill her.

_No. It's a lie. She wouldn't. She can't. He can't. I'll kill him!_

"_I'm sorry_," I whispered, knowing that only Jacob would hear. "_We have no choice_."

He growled lowly. However complicated life may be for Jacob Black, in his mind, the situation was much simpler. He didn't know about the Volturi. He didn't fully understand the bond between myself and Bella. He hadn't learnt or experienced all that I had over the last few weeks.

In his mind, Bella still had a choice. And she was choosing the wrong path.

It had never occurred to him that Bella might actually want our lifestyle. He'd assumed that he was delivering his warning to _me_, not _her_. Just in case I decided on the spur of the moment to change Bella, without her will. He hadn't imagined that Bella might give her life to me willingly.

And now, he was losing his barely-contained control.

"Jake?" Bella asked, stepping forward tentatively. "You okay?"

The boy was curving in on himself now in the effort to stay human. A glint of russet-brown fur caught my eye, only to disappear again as he fought to contain the wolf within his skin. It was impossible to tell what would happen next, and so I pulled Bella quickly behind me again.

"Careful!" I warned her. "He's not under control."

Though he was still shaking, Jacob Black composed himself enough to open his eyes, shooting me a glare so filled with bitterness that it rivalled his thoughts. "Ugh. _I_ would never hurt her."

He shot me a new thought – this time, a memory. I watched as Jacob Black casually said, "_It's still the other one, isn't it?_" and Bella froze, trembling even at the merest hint of my existence. I knew from his mind that they were discussing me.

_See what you did to her? She couldn't even hear your name without retreating in on herself. And yet, she's fine talking to me. What do you make of that, hmm?_

"Stop it," I hissed. Jacob clenched his fists in response.

"BELLA! YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

We all froze. Charlie Swan knew now that we were here. I'd parked as far into the trees as I could, but my car was unfortunately conspicuous in this town.

"Crap," Bella muttered. I stroked her palm soothingly, glowering at the boy as I did so. He at least had the decency to look properly abashed as he lowered his eyes to the mossy ground. And he _felt_ ashamed, too.

"I _am_ sorry about that," Jacob admitted. _But_... "I had to do what I could – I had to try..."

"Thanks," Bella said, numbly. Her voice was flat and emotionless. It seemed as though our encounter had drained her. We needed to leave, to face Charlie as quickly as possible, so she could rest. Even now, her eyes surveyed the forest warily.

"Just one more thing," I told her, before turning back to Jacob. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line – have you?"

This was the only important part of our meeting, but it seemed that the wolves had been useless in their job to protect the town from _real_ threats like Victoria. Of course, it was to be excepted. They were children, after all.

"The last time was while Bella was... away," Jacob muttered. "We let her think she was slipping through – we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her, but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."

I nodded, waiting for him to finish before saying, "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll – "

Jacob snarled in fury. "She killed on our turf. She's ours!"

I clenched my fists. I didn't want to fight with these children over our prey, but my claim to Bella dictated that Victoria was mine to deal with. She had tried to kill _my_ mate. She was mine. _Not_ theirs.

"No – ," Bella began to protest, but once again, Charlie Swan's furious voice joined the fray.

"BELLA! I _SEE_ HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T _INSIDE_ THIS HOUSE IN _ONE_ MINUTE...!"

"Let's go," I said. Bella nodded and took one step backwards, but she paused and looked towards the boy we were leaving behind.

Jacob Black had fully discarded of the angry mask he had tried to hide behind now. His face revealed his pain as much as his thoughts as he whispered, "Sorry. Bye, Bells."

I couldn't help it – I scowled at his words. He used her _father's_ nickname for her? Even _I_ didn't intrude upon her relationship with her father. It was private.

"You promised," she pleaded, and I wished I could understand the significance of her cryptic words. "Still friends, right?"

Pain swelled in his heart, as slowly, Jacob shook his head. He sighed. Now that Bella had made her choice to become one of us, he knew that he had to let her go. And though it was nothing compared to my own torment, I found myself sympathising with him more than ever before. I knew only too well how hard it was to say goodbye to Bella.

"You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but... I can't see how to keep trying. Not now..."

Bella shook, but didn't speak. There was silence once more, until Jacob whispered, "_Miss you_."

He stretched his hand out towards us, as if trying to grab her from my clutches. There was a pause, and then Bella lifted her own hand, as if in submission.

No.

"Me too," she choked. I saw that tears were welling in her eyes.

No.

She... she wanted...

"Jake...," she began, taking a step towards him.

She wanted _him_.

In that moment, I didn't stop to think about her choices or her free will. All I knew was that Bella was mine and I was hers, and Jacob Black's hand was inches away from her own.

And it had to be stopped. I pulled her away.

"It's okay," she said. Her innocent brown eyes looked up at me, so wide, full of warmth and trust.

Trust that neither of us deserved.

"No it's not."

She frowned, and the boy recognised the strife he was causing.

"Let her go!" Jacob roared, his eyes shining in triumph. "She _wants_ to!"

_Wants me. How d'you feel about that, bloodsucker?_

He wasn't a boy. He was a monster, just like me. And the human girl we both wanted to covert stood cluelessly between our lethal claws. His eyes gleamed mockingly again as I pushed her out of our way, fully prepared to end this battle of tug-and-war once and for all –

"No! Edward – !"

"ISABELLA _SWAN_!"

_Come on then, leech. Do your worst._

Too many voices. I couldn't think. Could only act. One foot, then the other. Crouching, stalking forwards, letting instinct guide, pinpointing his weaknesses until –

"Come on, Charlie's mad!" Bella blurted out suddenly. "Hurry!"

She grabbed my arm, slipping her hand down to twine her fingers in mine.

Mine. Not his.

Jacob Black noted this, too.

His sense of failure in that moment outweighed his anger. I'd won. In her moment of fear and hysteria, she'd turned to me. And she would always turn to me. No matter what, he would always be second best. Even in my absence.

He stopped in his tracks.

_Go_, he pleaded, unexpectedly vulnerable. _Get out of here. Just take her and go._

I wanted to say something to him. But there was nothing to say.

I took a deep breath, and turned my back on him. Whether he liked it or not, he wasn't human anymore. He was part of my world, not Bella's. We both lived in a world outside of her own. The strife in our world was still unfinished, but Bella's human troubles needed attending to now. And she'd chosen me to take with her, back into her mortal life.

And into her immortal future, too.

Bella looked up at me, squeezing my hand, reminding me of her warm fingers curled around my own.

Yes, there was a lot to do. I knew that. I'd messed up. I'd failed Bella. The consequences now would be even worse than before. I knew that.

But I'd take those consequences and more just to do right by her.

Together, we walked.

Walking away from the path, away from the forest. Away from the lies I'd spoken to Bella among those very trees. Away from the encounter with Jacob Black that I knew would haunt me if I did not leave it behind. Away we walked, leaving all unhappiness and untruths behind us.

We weren't complete. We weren't necessarily even happy. Our time together had only just begun, and whether I liked it or not, some problems we couldn't walk away from. My mistakes had formed a lasting impact upon our lives, yet another boulder blocking our path. I couldn't give Bella the world, no matter how much I wished otherwise. And just as I had not survived without her, Bella's friend Jacob Black could not stay away from us forever. He would return, as would Victoria, and as would the Volturi, in time.

But for now, we could forget. For now, it was only us, and as I drew my arms around her, she stroked my face and smiled. And as I whispered, "I'm here," in her ear, she pressed those smiling lips to mine.

And nothing else mattered as we emerged from those dark trees.

Leaving the past behind us, walking towards eternity.

* * *

THE END

* * *

**And that's it, guys.**

**I've had a lot of questions asking me where I'm going to go from here. As most of my reviewers know, I'm primarily a oneshot writer. No, I have no plans to re-write the whole of Eclipse from Edward's perspective, but I do have some EPOV oneshots planned from the Eclipse/Breaking Dawn timeframe.**

**I have some more 'Thy Beauty' related stories coming up, too. For starters, I've planned an Angela POV of the school scene in this chapter. I love Angela. Her role in this chapter was inspired by Edward's perceptions of Angela in 'Midnight Sun'. The APOV story, 'Bravery' should be complete soon. I may also be writing Edward and Jacob's standoff from Jacob's perspective. And clever readers out there may have recognised parts of this chapter from my two stories 'In Defence of Mike Newton' and 'Newton's Outfitters'.**

**Again, thank you to everyone who read/reviewed this story. I cannot express my gratitude enough. Oh, and my inner Shakespearean would like to thank you for putting up with all of the quotes I've been spilling out each chapter, too. If anyone's interested, I've compiled a list of all the Shakespeare references I've made in this story, and it's up on my LJ. My journal is 'friends only', but my writing posts are accessible for all.**

**For those of you who are interested, I'm now on twitter (Subtlynice). If I have any fanfic updates, I'll post about them there. Feel free to add/follow.  
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**Please review. It really does mean the world to me. x  
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